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A not fucked up term for Cat Havers

  1. #1
    Meikai Heck This Schlong
    Calling yourself a cat owner seems... off. Just seems totally inaccurate with cats in particular. You kind of just... cohabitate, with cats. They're useless blobs (unless you have a rat infestation, in which case: you've got bigger problems than deciding what to call yourself, nigga - you needa call an exterminator). I have some minor qualms with the morality of pet "ownership" conceptually, in general, which I think is a sentiment that has grown to become fairly widespread these days. But this has led to some freaks calling themselves shit like "cat parents" (well, this and the fact that they're mostly childfree "cool wine aunts"). This terminology is a massive, and frankly, creepy overcorrection. Sir, ma'am that is a cat not a human child - you are not parents.

    So what's a not-creepy term people can use instead? The Chinese jokingly refer to the Humble Cat Haver as a "Shit Shovel Officer" apparently, and that seems like a step in the right direction - masking things with humor is fun. But it still depends on the idea of ownership, it's just an UNO!™ reverse card that says "ackshually you're subordinate to the cat". Which is... silly, and is also an overcorrection in a direction that is I guess orthogonal to stuff like "cat parenthood" or whatever. At least it's less creepy.

    What's the alternative to this though? What is a term we could use that doesn't sound creepy or dumb, and accurately reflects the cohabitative (and admittedly, in many ways custodial) relationship between a human and their beloved catfriend?
  2. #2
    Meikai Heck This Schlong
    Best I've got is 'keeper'. A cat keeper. You keep a cat, but don't own it. It seems right, but a little clunky. And if it's gonna be clunky, we might as well double down and make it a title: "Keeper of Cats" or some shit. (Masking the awkwardness with humor is fun.)
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