Hero: DeSantis Flies Hurricane Ian To Martha's Vineyard

1. 2022-09-27 at 6:52 PM UTC

   #1
   

   Speedy Parker Black Hole [my absentmindedly lachrymatory gazania]

   TALLAHASSEE, FL — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is being hailed as a hero after he used top-secret technology to reroute Hurricane Ian to Martha's Vineyard.
   
   "I'll tell you what, hurricanes have been tormenting Florida for too long. Not on my watch!" said DeSantis to a crowd of screaming fans. "So you know what? We're gonna load this hurricane onto a plane and fly it north. Martha's Vinyard, you'd better board up your 10,000 square foot mansions and cancel your polo matches, because Ian is on its way!"
   
   Martha's Vinyard residents have responded by flying to their winter homes in Florida and directing their house servants to prepare their homes for hurricane landfall. "The fact that DeSantis would spare his own densely populated cities and send the hurricane to ravage our multi-million-dollar mansions as a political stunt is beyond the pale," said Vineyard resident Karen Von Karen. "First the migrants, and now this? Haven't the good people of Martha's Vineyard suffered enough?"
   
   The DOJ has also responded, saying they will investigate the governor for using unapproved top-secret hurricane trafficking technology. "Hurricane trafficking is a serious offense, almost as serious as protesting at a school board meeting," said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "We will not let this horrific act go unpunished."
   
   At publishing time, the National Guard announced they will return all the Venezuelan migrants back to Martha's Vineyard to assist in Hurricane cleanup efforts.

   
   https://babylonbee.com/news/hero-desantis-flies-hurricane-ian-to-marthas-vineyard
2. 2022-09-27 at 6:55 PM UTC

   #2
   

   Ghost Black Hole
   wow they flew a whole hockety team from Carolina?
   
   you would think the army would pull one of these people over with a jet, it sounds like shes running a fucking undercover smuggling ring for a friend she met in prison like did anyone check those migrants assholes for cocaine??
3. 2022-09-27 at 6:57 PM UTC

   #3
   

   Speedy Parker Black Hole [my absentmindedly lachrymatory gazania]

   Originally posted by Ghost wow they flew a whole hockety team from Carolina?
   
   you would think the army would pull one of these people over with a jet, it sounds like shes running a fucking undercover smuggling ring for a friend she met in prison like did anyone check those migrants assholes for cocaine??

   
   They figured they would leave that to you. Given your obsession with assholes and cocaine.
4. 2022-09-27 at 7:30 PM UTC

   #4
   

   Bradley Black Hole
   it's hitting only florida
5. 2022-09-27 at 7:31 PM UTC

   #5
   

   Speedy Parker Black Hole [my absentmindedly lachrymatory gazania]

   Originally posted by Bradley it's hitting only florida

   
   Shut up this is HB
6. 2022-09-27 at 8:09 PM UTC

   #6
   

   Ghost Black Hole

   Originally posted by Speedy Parker They figured they would leave that to you. Given your obsession with assholes and cocaine.

   
   I don't know if I would call it an obsession to mention how drugs are usually smuggled into USA
   
   but if they paid me enough I would totally pretend to search them
   
   the real way to do a cavity search is you snap the glove loudly and tell him to bend over and squeeeeal like a piggay and then just sit there and check your email on your phone and say YUP HE'S CLEAN
   
   because if you are paid to check someone for drugs and actually check them you are a fucking idiot and probably gay
   
   you could catch 100% of them and it wouldn't make a 0.01% dent in the market