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Shitting in the vents of establishments you don't like.

  1. #1
    Bradley victim of incest
    Folks this is a favorite of mine and very easy to do, I recommend doing this in restaurants, but anything with a bathroom will suffice.

    What you need,
    Screwdriver
    The need to use the restroom (to shit)
    Plastic bag, I prefer to use a shopping type plastic bag, often from their establishment.

    Now what you're going to want to do is go into the bathroom, preferably a locking one, lots of small restaurants have the ones that lock, if they don't, try the "family" restaurant which is as guaranteed to lock as it is to lock as it is incestuous.

    Using the screwdriver unscrew the vent, i normally leave 1 of the screws still in, now shit in the bag, take the bag of shit in a manner where you won't have to actually touch your feces (that's fucking gross) and stuff the bag into the vent. Now if you're anything like me, you want people to know who it was, my trademark item is a steel reserve 211 can, so I wipe one off and get all the DNA and what not off that motherfucker (i wear gloves when I do most things like this)

    and fill it full of piss. Now this is the difficult part for me when I'm really drunk, piss into the can to fill it full of piss lol.

    Now shove the doodoo bag (which is traditionally inside out from shoving it in there and put the can of piss in such a manner that it will not drip and is inside the bag LOL screw that motherfucker back in, sometimes I leave 1 screw off (you'll see why soon)

    Do not cause the piss can to fall on yourself whatever you do LOL

    now when you leave teh bathroom, say thank you, I throw another empty steel reserve in the trash can infront of an employee just to spite them and so they remember WHO goes into their bathroom to chug steel reserves.

    Within a couple days they will realize they have a HORRIBLE smell of shit in the bathroom, if they don't tell them/call the manager and say it's very gross smelling in there. At some point an employee will realize that the smell is coming from the vent and proceed to find the one screw missing, when he does the third screw shit, maggots, and a full beer can of piss (no matter how long its been because it's in the plastic bag so it won't evaporate, just condense a little) will fall on their face (goal) but body and hands/arms (acceptable)

    This is one of the nastiest thing that can ever happen to anyone. Then the next morning I come in to buy two four packs of steel reserve and pretend like nothing happened, but u and I both know I mindraped that faggot who wouldn't hook me up with .17cents when I was in a pinch and told me "you not having money is not my problem at work"

    OK fuck face I'll make you some problems

    I have done this six times. For vents that open latterally I enjoy taking a gallon of whole milk, undoing the cap a small bit so it's got a slow leak and throw that shit as deep as I can into the vent and close it with screws. Sometimes I write the name of the employee that aggrieved me on the gallon jug. I have also done this in my middle school every year at graduation under the stage in the gym they had these big ass vents that kids would kick while sitting on the stage ledge and consequently vibrated the bottom screws out leaving a 20 foot gap to the air vents for that part of the school. 1 gallon of milk = lots of laughs & an outdoor 8th grade graduation. I also would drop entire trays of food in those vents whenever I felt like it.
  2. #2
    Bradley victim of incest
    If I had access to bulk amounts of animal blood, I would write AIDS on a cup, and add paint thinner to it so when they open it they're covered in what they assume to be human aids blood that smells like solvent.

    It's not about the .17 cents or what someone said to me, it's just the fact i look for enemies and when I don't have any, I find them in petty thieves, disrespectful men or people on the sex offender registry. YMMV
  3. #3
    SBTlauien African Astronaut
    Just shit in their dishwasher.
  4. #4
    Ghost Black Hole
    i start fires
  5. #5
    The old dead fish in the air vent trick.
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