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Plot I just heavily edited

  1. #1
    Kafka African Astronaut
    Mack is in hs and has one friend called Seymour who is drunk all the time. The principal announces that a girl in their year called Shelly has gone missing. Just a week earlier, Shelly’s mum was taken to hospital because she had fallen down her stairs and had been paralysed. Mack stays in the school library after classes. When he goes to his car someone jumps out and grabs him, and it is just Seymour scaring him, but then Seymour pulls out a knife. The knife turns out to be plastic. That night, Mack has nightmares, about the principal kidnapping Shelly and murdering her and burying her in his back garden. He wakes up and his window is open and he looks out and there is a truck driving away in the distance. He believes that the principal has killed Shelly so he decides to investigate and prove him guilty. The next day he goes to the hospital to question Shelly’s mum, but she is insane and she doesn’t tell him anything. The principal is also at the hospital. Mack then goes home and falls asleep. He has another nightmare about the principal killing Shelly. Seymour wakes him up because he was there. They talk about going to the café the next morning for breakfast, and then Seymour kisses Mack and runs away. Mack then decides to search the principal’s house for clues. He buys a knife, torch and binoculars from a store then drives to the house and parks. He uses his binoculars to see if anyone is home, and there are no lights on. He goes around the back of the house and picks up a brick and throws it at the window, then crawls into the house through it. In the dark he finds Shelly’s diary in the principal’s bedroom, and there are entries in it that say that Shelly is scared of the principal and that he pushed her mum down the stairs. Mack has his proof that the principal did it. Then, the front door opens, and Mack is scared, the principal hears him in his bedroom so Mack runs to the window. He is half-way out of the window when the principal grabs him back in. Mack stabs him, and the principal bleeds to death. Then the room lights up like a flash. Shelly is in the room and she has just taken a photo of Mack holding a knife and the dead principal. Then she turns on the light and explains how she set him up. (Shelly’s mum was dating the principal so Shelly pushed her down the stairs. Shelly has a crush on Mack so she decided to use the picture of Mack killing the principal, to blackmail him into marrying her. She snuck into Mack’s room when he was sleeping and whispered in his ear that the principal had killed her, so that Mack would have nightmares and come to the principal’s house. Shelly planted her diary in the principal’s room and wrote fake entries into it.). Mack told Shelly that he would marry her. They both buried the principal’s body in the back garden then they drove up to Shelly’s house. While there, Mack hit her over the head and strangled her to death then went home. The next morning, Mack and Seymour went to the café.
  2. #2
    Kafka African Astronaut
    I was p young when I wrote it and they have American names because I read a lot of Christopher Pike.
  3. #3
    pro tips:

    tapping enter twice makes a paragraph.
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  4. #4
    Kafka African Astronaut
    Originally posted by vindicktive vinny pro tips:

    tapping enter twice makes a paragraph.

    I hate paragraphs dunno why
  5. #5
    DrugSmuggler African Astronaut [soullessly saw your drumbeater]
    Walls of text will not be read by most.


  6. #6
    Back Lane Madders African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Kafka Mack is in hs and has one friend called Seymour who is drunk all the time. The principal announces that a girl in their year called Shelly has gone missing. Just a week earlier, Shelly’s mum was taken to hospital because she had fallen down her stairs and had been paralysed. Mack stays in the school library after classes. When he goes to his car someone jumps out and grabs him, and it is just Seymour scaring him, but then Seymour pulls out a knife. The knife turns out to be plastic. That night, Mack has nightmares, about the principal kidnapping Shelly and murdering her and burying her in his back garden. He wakes up and his window is open and he looks out and there is a truck driving away in the distance. He believes that the principal has killed Shelly so he decides to investigate and prove him guilty. The next day he goes to the hospital to question Shelly’s mum, but she is insane and she doesn’t tell him anything. The principal is also at the hospital. Mack then goes home and falls asleep. He has another nightmare about the principal killing Shelly. Seymour wakes him up because he was there. They talk about going to the café the next morning for breakfast, and then Seymour kisses Mack and runs away. Mack then decides to search the principal’s house for clues. He buys a knife, torch and binoculars from a store then drives to the house and parks. He uses his binoculars to see if anyone is home, and there are no lights on. He goes around the back of the house and picks up a brick and throws it at the window, then crawls into the house through it. In the dark he finds Shelly’s diary in the principal’s bedroom, and there are entries in it that say that Shelly is scared of the principal and that he pushed her mum down the stairs. Mack has his proof that the principal did it. Then, the front door opens, and Mack is scared, the principal hears him in his bedroom so Mack runs to the window. He is half-way out of the window when the principal grabs him back in. Mack stabs him, and the principal bleeds to death. Then the room lights up like a flash. Shelly is in the room and she has just taken a photo of Mack holding a knife and the dead principal. Then she turns on the light and explains how she set him up. (Shelly’s mum was dating the principal so Shelly pushed her down the stairs. Shelly has a crush on Mack so she decided to use the picture of Mack killing the principal, to blackmail him into marrying her. She snuck into Mack’s room when he was sleeping and whispered in his ear that the principal had killed her, so that Mack would have nightmares and come to the principal’s house. Shelly planted her diary in the principal’s room and wrote fake entries into it.). Mack told Shelly that he would marry her. They both buried the principal’s body in the back garden then they drove up to Shelly’s house. While there, Mack hit her over the head and strangled her to death then went home. The next morning, Mack and Seymour went to the café.

    Run on. Needs paragraphs
  7. #7
    If I knew the difference between "American names" and "non American" names I think I would kill myself.

    I am so brain washed and don't care about anything that someone named Garblejit sounds "north american enough" to me, I'd call him BAR yo BAR wat up BAR
  8. #8
    Back Lane Madders African Astronaut
    Originally posted by the man who put it in my hood If I knew the difference between "American names" and "non American" names I think I would kill myself.

    I am so brain washed and don't care about anything that someone named Garblejit sounds "north american enough" to me, I'd call him BAR yo BAR wat up BAR

    Brits n celts won't say Dave, they say David. They won't say Thom or Tom but Thomas unless you're good friends and it's informal. They have names like Ian and Richard and Harold. Like Spanish they don't randomly use informal names publicly until they're aquatinted.

    . You have to really know a person to say informal, and women in the UK usually used formal out of respect. Or she herself would look unrefined.

    Only in private can she use informal however Brits are big on pet names

    And remember, this is more older Brit of Welch or Scot-Irish or English Bloodline, not the people of India (though many have adopted this). Not sure about all the other new Brits.
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  9. #9
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Is Seymour's last name Butts?
  10. #10
    Kafka African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ Is Seymour's last name Butts?

    No it’s Seagull.
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  11. #11
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    It probably doesn't matter in relation to the story but what cafe did they go to and what did they order and what their experience like in general ? What was their conversation.
  12. #12
    Kafka African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ It probably doesn't matter in relation to the story but what cafe did they go to and what did they order and what their experience like in general ? What was their conversation.

    I edited that out. They go to an internet cafe and have milk and donuts (what I used to have for breakfast), Mack hides what he did and Seymour is suspicious of him.
  13. #13
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by Kafka I edited that out. They go to an internet cafe and have milk and donuts (what I used to have for breakfast), Mack hides what he did and Seymour is suspicious of him.

    I really hope Seymour ends up getting tortured later on.
  14. #14
    Originally posted by Back Lane Madders Brits n celts won't say Dave, they say David. They won't say Thom or Tom but Thomas unless you're good friends and it's informal. They have names like Ian and Richard and Harold. Like Spanish they don't randomly use informal names publicly until they're aquatinted.

    I have probably met over 1000 "Daves" in my life and only 2 "Davids" that I remember and I'm pretty sure both of them were hardcore jedis. WTF
  15. #15
    Kafka African Astronaut
    I used to surprise people with vampire fangs but sadly had to grow up :/
  16. #16
    if i saw someone with vampire fangs i would either do nothing or murder them on the spot without thinking and claim a perfectly legal defense
  17. #17
    the defense would be i thought they were a vampire
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