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Starting my own Detective Agency

  1. #1
    I am going to buy a bunch of guns, fancy coats and hats and beard oil and solve crimes using charm, wit and moxy of which there is a short supply of recently.



    apparently you need to design the uniforms BEFORE you even get the license, what the fuck is this shit. I think I will just put down "fancy coats and hats" or avoid the license all together. The fuck are they gonna do? Hire a private investigator to look into my operations? They don't know what we do and if we do it right they will never find out.

    I know some hard pipe hitting meth users that check bushes, trash cans and empty cars religiously for police monitoring devices. The street network is going to enforce the privacy and protections we all deserve.



  2. #2
    Obbe Alan What? [annoy my right-angled speediness]
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  3. #3
    cigreting Dark Matter
    ratatatta investigations llc.
  4. #4
    aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    defective agency


    that might actually be a cool line of work, don't think it's a thing here though
  5. #5
    Solstice Naturally Camouflaged
    Starsky and Gut
  6. #6
    Originally posted by Obbe

    that opening is pretty much exactly what i'm going for






    Originally posted by aldra defective agency


    that might actually be a cool line of work, don't think it's a thing here though

    They used to be union busters but these days I think they just catch cheating spouses. Private security and private investigations seems to fall under the same licensing category where I live.

    It's like they expect you to just be a clone of Garda. If I was some rich snob that needed legal muscle I would not want to call these high horse uptight white shirts. They look like they would call the cops on you if you started doing cocaine.

  7. #7
    tee hee hee Naturally Camouflaged [slangily complete this slumberer]
    One needs to be average and inconspicuous for best results, and you're not an average inconspicuous kinda guy, r u???
  8. #8
    Originally posted by tee hee hee One needs to be average and inconspicuous for best results, and you're not an average inconspicuous kinda guy, r u???

    I've been living inside your pantry all week and you haven't found me yet.. don't bother looking, I've already moved.

    I could regale you with stories of me evading police and such, but as I said before I am going to rely heavily on the street network and the rockchain and use technology and brute force to solve the modern problems of tomorrow.



    disguises, machine guns, helicopters, drones and gadgets
  9. #9
    Sudo Black Hole [my hereto riemannian peach]
    Nigga that's the premise for lazy storytelling like "bored to death" this poorly written series of books about a PI family in San Fran written by a jooess, Walter mosley etc. So many books. You think it's gonna be all capers but you end up tailing tailing guy with a broken foot because an insurance company doesn't want to make a payout. That's literally all you're gonna do according to a friend's dad who used to do it in MTL
  10. #10
    Oppie, you look like a private dic
  11. #11
    Nile bump
    Originally posted by Sudo Nigga that's the premise for lazy storytelling like "bored to death" this poorly written series of books about a PI family in San Fran written by a jooess, Walter mosley etc. So many books. You think it's gonna be all capers but you end up tailing tailing guy with a broken foot because an insurance company doesn't want to make a payout. That's literally all you're gonna do according to a friend's dad who used to do it in MTL

    Yeah "he's claiming he has a back injury but i saw him shovelling his sidewalk THREE TIMES"

    Gay.

    You should look for a resident manager position at a shitty apartment building for what you're talking about scron.

    Reasons:

    a) you will be able to have a base of operations and contacts at such a location, as in renting to scummy assholes who may be desperate for money without many morals(this may backfire as they WILL probably wreck the property or attract police)

    b)Get to know scummy slumlord property owners, who will most likely pay cash, have odd jobs need done and who are most likely to need a person with few scruples for odder jobs.
  12. #12
    Lanny Bird of Courage
    They call me Marlowe, but not cuz I’m sleepin
  13. #13
    Originally posted by Nile Yeah "he's claiming he has a back injury but i saw him shovelling his sidewalk THREE TIMES"

    Gay.

    You should look for a resident manager position at a shitty apartment building for what you're talking about scron.

    Nah, I am not interested in that kind of work. That sounds like either myself or an employee would have to physically tail someone with a camera. I'm not against doing it, but doing it that way isn't my style.

    You could probably program an AI that uses reverse engineered NSA tech so when someone orders an investigation the AI automatically starts scanning their network and radio waves, infiltrating all the local cameras in the neighborhood to film them and using face recognition software, sorting through the data, editing the videos and sending it to the customer all without me doing anything. EZ money once it's set up.

    Kinda like my own private version of Five Eyes except it will be legal to hack peoples computer and networks because my company is a licensed detective agency. I imagine most of our targets will be wealthy businessmen, politicians and celebrities, I will be double dealing on both sides.

    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  14. #14
    Nile bump
    Originally posted by the man who put it in my hood Kinda like my own private version of Five Eyes except it will be legal to hack peoples computer and networks because my company is a licensed detective agency. I imagine most of our targets will be wealthy businessmen, politicians and celebrities, I will be double dealing on both sides.

    You should convert to Judiasm and then ask ur rabbi for black market israeli software and gear. Like that kid in toronto I punched.
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