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How to get hired at any job instantly

  1. #1
    When you send a resume send 2 pages

    the second page being just another copy of your resume so they read it twice

    Think about it. You will be the only person that sends 2 resumes. This works 100% of the time by the way I have to turn my phone off because of how many calls I get doing this.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  2. #2
    stl1 Let's Go Brandon
    Showing your tits works better.
  3. #3
    Originally posted by stl1 Showing your tits works better.

    i'm not that fat...
  4. #4
    stl1 Let's Go Brandon
    There's always breast augmentation.
  5. #5
    I need to get hired first to afford that THINK STl1, THINK!
  6. #6
    stl1 Let's Go Brandon
    Apply for one of those jobs with a signing bonus!
  7. #7
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    i think you should actualize all your years of work experience
  8. #8
    Originally posted by stl1 Apply for one of those jobs with a signing bonus!

    I applied for 10 jobs with $100 sign on vaccine bonuses so I am going to get $100 from each working there for one week and then quit and do this 1000 times in 1 year to make 1 million dollars



    Originally posted by mashlehash i think you should actualize all your years of work experience

    blessed are my allies and cursed is myself nd I wouldn't want it any udda way
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  9. #9
    this is how I got hired btw i' ma fucking genius the boss said "I read your resume twice and couldn't get your name out of my head"

    Psychological manipulation is how you win.
  10. #10
    please define the nature of your work.
  11. #11
    Originally posted by vindicktive vinny please define the nature of your work.

    Chief cook and bottle washer.
  12. #12
    A College Professor victim of incest (banned) [your moreover breastless limestone]
    Thats a really good idea, it might help if you changed you're name to Marijuana Pepsi Jackson becuase then they would double-take and read the name twice per resume then they will read it four times total thats the only suggestion i have otherwise id say this tek is perfect
  13. #13
    Originally posted by vindicktive vinny please define the nature of your work.

    Coffee savant



    Originally posted by A College Professor Thats a really good idea, it might help if you changed you're name to Marijuana Pepsi Jackson becuase then they would double-take and read the name twice per resume then they will read it four times total thats the only suggestion i have otherwise id say this tek is perfect

    I heard highlighting the edges of the paper also helps like a giant red border. That seems a bit overkill like okay they will definitely remember you but it won't be a good memory
  14. #14
    A College Professor victim of incest (banned) [your moreover breastless limestone]
    what about using really THICK-cut paper like thick cut bacon a lot of people love it. you do htat with the nice border and maybe a wax-stamp or two and spritz it with perfume and its gonna be one for the record books and send a messenger or at least fedex with signature required, to hand deliver it right to the CEO
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  15. #15
    THICK PAPER RESUMES YES THAT'S GENIUS
  16. #16
    Or slip five hundred dollar bills in there. That works ninety-nine times out of a hundred.
  17. #17
    STER0S African Astronaut [the disappointingly unanticipated slab]
    show em yo dik
  18. #18
    cigreting Space Nigga
    show em ur granps dik
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