2021-03-30 at 10:41 AM UTC
[pimp your due marabout]
I do not have the money or the pirates or I'd do this myself.
What if you set a package out on your front door to be stolen.
Inside the package is a spun up gyroscope.
Pirate comes along and tried to run off with the package.
Pirate gets thrown the fuck down by all the momentum the gyro has.
2021-03-30 at 11:14 AM UTC
Wow! What an original idea, i'm sure you didn't see this done on Youtube and figured you'd steal the concept. Only original thought you had was the gyro, but you are too silly to realize you'd need a big fucking gyro and a bulky electromotor to spin it up to such a degree that you'd get thrown around by it.
And if you're going through the trouble of making a booby-trapped package, at the very least you should make the trap an incendiary device controlled by a pressure plate. It would arm the device once the pressure is relieved by the act of the pirate picking it up, a safety timer would start so it doesn't go off on your porch, then when he gets to the car or his home and puts it back down, the pressure plate gets pressed again which would then initiate the device.
2021-03-30 at 11:16 AM UTC
Use bright orange stickers that say THIS SIDE UP /|\ to make sure he puts it down in the right configuration.
2021-03-30 at 11:37 AM UTC
Get Job applications in bulk sent to you. The Porch Pirates are adverse to lawful employment.