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I'm still in Love with Alexis Krauss and believe in an alternate reality we are together as one
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2021-03-25 at 1:49 AM UTCIf you recall I've been making threads about her, natalia kills and lana del rey for almost a decade now. This isn't about my designs on stalking her though, this is about how damaged we all are (or at least I am)
Do you ever think back on your life in somewhat binary terms when it relates to decisions you've made? It's kinda the premise (or the first interaction) in the Richard Linkletter film "slacker." Do you ever think about how if you basically made better decisions your life/personality/development would have taken a very different route?
That's where Alexis Krauss comes in, I feel if I evolved healthier I might have ended up with someone like her, making music and doing cool, fun, low key positive stuff, blissed out and in the moment all the time. Just a couple of simps making cool music and feeling love all the time. Is it possible I'm seeing things that aren't there and using a multitude of dimensions like a coping mechanism? Yes but it's good to think of things like this so you don't make the same mistakes twice. It's depressing because it seems like it's too late sometimes...because it is. But we still have moments and memories...and hope.
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2021-03-25 at 1:50 AM UTCAlexis Krauss The Sexy KrautThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2021-03-25 at 1:51 AM UTCI was going to make the thread title much more buffalo bill-esque but I'm glad I didn't in hindsight. Learning
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2021-03-25 at 1:53 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo Do you ever think back on your life in somewhat binary terms when it relates to decisions you've made? It's kinda the premise (or the first interaction) in the Richard Linkletter film "slacker." Do you ever think about how if you basically made better decisions your life/personality/development would have taken a very different route?
I'd doubt it
I think regardless of my choices I'd eventually get bored of everything I tried and end up slowly becoming more and more self-destructive
genetic manifest destinyThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2021-03-25 at 2 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra I'd doubt it
I think regardless of my choices I'd eventually get bored of everything I tried and end up slowly becoming more and more self-destructive
genetic manifest destiny
Well the query I posed had to do with development too, do you think your genetics constrained your experiences and sensory perceptions to the point where you couldn't expand and grow beyond what you already have?
I was born with ADHD which was diagnosed but left untreated for a long time. It's kinda like wondering if you had the "right" medication would you have gone farther?
Do you think you might have been able to find some like minded individuals interested in mutual large scale destruction outside of this community? Are the degrees of your destruction variable? Being resigned to a fate is pretty theist, or cynical, or logical -
2021-03-25 at 2:15 AM UTCI dunno, trying not to summon Obbe and Chaplin Fagcum but without going deep into quantum mechanics, you're effectively the sum of genetic material and outside stimuli.
If you're genetically predisposed to react to external factors in a certain way, you'll tend toward a certain path regardless of what stimuli you're exposed to -
2021-03-25 at 2:22 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra I dunno, trying not to summon Obbe
I was going to apologize in the OP for Obbe/Zanick posting.
I think that's certainly true to an extent but there are still possibilities outside of the bounds. It's very hard to quantify and predict though. It's the old constrained/unconstrained "a conflict of visions" Thomas Sowell debate (which almost everything is) and I tend to lean more toward constrained but still want to believe in vast possibilities.
Semi-side note, have you ever heard of the "sleep rooms" at Mcgill University in Canada, funded by the CIA? All I could find in a 15 second search was a miniseries about the program. Basically it was trying to "reset" mental patients (and some people who weren't and whose brains were turned to mush). It was some MKULTRA shit that was based on an interesting premise. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sleep_Room -
2021-03-25 at 4:38 AM UTCedited for privacy
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2021-03-25 at 5:17 AM UTCsome of us aren't really capable of functioning in this kind of society I guess
most people are probably plenty dysfunctional, just not openly so because they feel the tradeoff for comfort and status is worth the ritual -
2021-03-25 at 5:21 AM UTCon topic, on a different tangent I always liked Jessicka, her energy in Jack Off Jill was amazing and scarling is one of the only bands that still really makes me feel things
too bad I looked up her twitter -
2021-03-25 at 7:56 AM UTCthat song suckedThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2021-03-25 at 8:17 AM UTCI've heard better songs come from dyslexic children asking for food to eat them
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2021-03-27 at 2:32 AM UTC
Originally posted by netstat yeah i get on this train of thought often, lately it has been a girl i met a decade ago in college who was as close to my ideal partner as i can imagine myself finding and should have stuck with and left all my weird interests and beliefs and behaviours behind to build a normie life, i can chart out how my life would have been different and how i wouldn't have fucked things up at various points that descend from the shittier branch of that initial decision tree, but then i think about how the branches of the tree are practically infinite and it's not simply a matter of making one right decision at a pivotal moment i remember from the past but making the right decision at most or all other intersections - a majority of which are completely unknown and unpredictable - that descend from there, and any one of those could have become the mistake i sit here and lament in the present
i agree with what aldra said, genetics may not be deterministic but they influence your personality to a large degree and point you down a road that's hard to exit even if you're self-aware and with my fucked up personality behind each and every choice i've ever made i don't think i would have turned out much better without a very high degree of luck
You seem to get this concept completely. I really wish I used "decision tree" in the OP it would have made it much more clear. It's regretful and not usually constructive reflective thinking but could in theory prepare you to make the right decision at a pivitol moment. I guess regressing to the mean IQ/genetic expectation over time after a bout of luck/good decision making is a very likely outcome. I guess my fantasy involves being able to use positive outcomes for launching pads of better decision trees/matrices which as aldra pointed out, genetics have a lot to do with in terms of decision making.
I guess you're more realistic about the risk/expectations of ultimately positive decisions over time. It's funny that most of these gay romantic fantasies involve women who are notoriously unpredictable and not bound by rational thought/expectations. Can't really rely on any of them and just about every wise nigga knows you can't trust no ho.
It's the kind of thing that fascinated Mengele, dealing with identical twins and affecting different outcomes on them to watch the results. There are no "placebo tests" for just about every decision tree though and you have to live in the results of everything you do. It's kinda the old debate about how "moldable" someone really is and the data is showing with more and more certainty that the answer is "not very much." I will still entertain the fantasy though that I was but a few decisions away from being ultimately satisfied and happy. The best conversations I've had with people for the longest time were about the entropy that is existence.
I picked this song because I like the like/chorus of "I swear I'm a shell of a man, you said, 'nah, I'm a hell of a man'" which fits well with the motif of this gay thread. Thank you everyone who listened to it and/or respondedThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2021-03-27 at 2:46 AM UTCI guess I'm a low key believer in the power of positive snake oil salemanship/thinking/that kinda stupid new age "da seekrit" shit.
I've always thought about decision trees/matrices after difficult events such as arrests/deaths of those close by/other fucked up events. Kinda normal to think about in that way to try to make sense. It's kinda like thinking "what if kurt cobain hadn't killed himself" and stupid shit like that. He probably would have kept being depressed and whatnot. "what if bon scott didn't die?" he would have drank himself to death at another time. No way of knowing. I'll shut up now.
