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Horrifying haunted house opens for Halloween

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    Soyboy 2020 IV: Intravenous Soyposting African Astronaut [scrub the quick-drying deinonychus]
    "Yeah we know this is really messed up stuff," said Zach McDongle, owner and mastermind behind the attraction. "So far, no one has had the courage to make it all the way through."

    For anyone brave enough to purchase a ticket, the terrors that await include a friendly businessman who will try to shake your hand, college students without masks, and kindly middle-aged women who will approach you at a distance less than 6 feet.

    "The final room is the worst," said McDongle. "Here we have an anti-vax Karen who will try to hug you and an elderly grandmother who will try to offer you cookies and a peck on the cheek. So far, no one has made it through that room."

    Do your part this halloween to scare the kiddies and coof on their elderly relatives.
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