Originally posted by reject
Have you ever jacked/blown off a horse for your own pleasure?
No, I have not. I have no sexual interest in the equine. Though I did own a clydesdale, so yeah, I woulda had a pretty big cock, if I was into that sorta shit.
Now, I have, in order to save a horse's life on more than one occasion, have been shoulder deep in a horse's ass before. Colic is a no joke thing. It can kill, it's painful, and you don't just do nothing when it happens and expect to to end well. I've had to do enemas with the hose (I knew one guy who was an idiot who killed his horse this way, but really, you gotta be a retard to do that- talk sticking it up their ass running, and going to have dinner while they're stuck on cross ties.), as well as lube up my arm with vegetable oil and dig out what I can only describe as concrete. We are talking shit that is so fucking dry, that if it'd been pot the horse ate, you could smoke it right then and there (thinking about cheech and chong joke, smoking Labrador), and just omg... not fucking good. It's a fucked up thing to have to do, but we are talking life or death for the horse here, so of course I'm not going to let an animal die just because it's a shitty situation.
Another unpleasant part of horse care/ownership is having to clean their penis/vagina. I had a stallion, and because of that, and him masturbating regularly, I didn't have to do it as much as with a gelding (castrated horse), but basically, you have to run your fingers around the inside of the head of their penis and sheath looking for 'beans' that form from smegma build up. I have cleaned many horse's penises before, and especially on geldings it can become a very serious life threatening problem. I have witnessed first hand twice on two separate occasions of geldings who had not been cleaned regularly (their owners didn't know it was supposed to be done, one was new at horses, the other just an idiot), and I caught it by seeing them in pain, kicking at their abdomen, swollen groin/sheath, and they both could barely piss. As you can see having a blockage like this could cause a very serious problem. In the wild, and with horses that are physically bred regularly (as opposed to artificial collection), the action of sex clears up this sort of problem, and with geldings, they don't get fully erect ever, so it's even worse with them, but some will try to tell you they don't produce as much smegma, which is bullshit- I've seen it, I've dealt with it, it's a real thing that could kill if not treated promptly. On the horse's with the 'beans', I pulled out several large, rock hard, round clumps that had built up over years, since it's likely they'd never been cleaned before (one gelding was 6 the other was 8- both fairly young). Now, some horses will let you do this with ease, and others will try to kick you, or just make it very hard to do so. You have to either catch the horse 'relaxed' or, sometimes, 'stimulate' them to let down their penis, so you can clean it. Of course, I prefer the latter, but I've been forced to have to 'stimulate' a horse before in order to clean them properly.
On the other hand, there is the job of cleaning the vulva, labia, and tits. Thankfully, unless you're dealing with some other problem, there is no need, and it can actually be harmful, to be sticking your hands inside the vagina (not a horse, but a cow and a got I've had to pull their calf/kid when they were stuck before). The labia can have beans form here too. I haven't dealt with a whole lot of mares, but have cleaned a horse cunt a few times in my life. You also need to clean between her tits too, and that's pretty nasty at times.
Now, for the funny part you might get a real kick out of, and no, this was not for my pleasure, nor do I think either of them actually enjoyed it, or did it for their "own pleasure", but my exhusband, and our friend we went to college with, they both tried to jack off our bull we had so we could attempt to artificially inseminate the cow we had. The bull in question here was very tiny, and the cow, she was super tall. He couldn't reach to get it in, hence why it came around to try and collect his semen lol. It was funny watching, and the poor guy had the look on his face like "wtf? I'm being raped!" and it was an unsuccessful collection needless to say.
When dealing with horses/livestock there is a lot of nasty shit that goes on. Fortunately it's not an all too common thing to have to do/happen, and there is far more to enjoy from horse ownership/equestrian activities than having all the not so nice things that come along and crop up from time to time.
The only thing I have done, not so much for pleasure, but rather relief from severe menstrual, pain is spend hours riding. It would always help subside the pain for me when the cramps got really bad. I miss being able to ride every time I have a bad case of that crop up, which is almost every time I'm on the rag. The only pleasure I have gotten from horses is of the non-sexual variety. I had a great deal of fun bonding, riding, learning, and spending time with horses. It was always great to feel 10 feet tall, and able to do things with a horse you otherwise could not do alone.
I know you asked the question to be a dick, but I figured I'd give you something of interest to ponder and laugh about anyway.
