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Learn COBOL!

  1. #1
    Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country Dark Matter [my scoffingly uncritical tinning]
    Big bucks and easy job maintaining code in a bank awaits once you learn this 1950s programming language. This language has an amazing future.



    http://www.csis.ul.ie/cobol/course/
  2. #2
    Isn’t this what the US DoD uses
  3. #3
    Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country Dark Matter [my scoffingly uncritical tinning]
    Originally posted by Fox Isn’t this what the US DoD uses

    Largely, especially in their logistics tracking system. Some things, like planes, have to use Ada from what I understand. Some platforms use Java, famously the Patriot missiles, which had to be continuously rebooted every 50 hours to avoid an integer overflow bug. The overflow bug is what caused Sadam to be able to hit a Marine base with a Scud missile in the Gulf war, killing a load of grunts.

    Cobol is still one of the most widely used programming languages in the world, but because it's mostly used in big companies no one ever hears about it.
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  4. #4
    I want the world to burn though. I should be killing virologists and Cobol programmers.

    Also can we pleas stop calling it COBOL it's like LASER or RADAR i think it deserves more respect
  5. #5
    Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country Dark Matter [my scoffingly uncritical tinning]
    Originally posted by the man who put it in my hood I want the world to burn though. I should be killing virologists and Cobol programmers.

    Also can we pleas stop calling it COBOL it's like LASER or RADAR i think it deserves more respect

    Well we can pretend it's an Apple product and call it cObol.
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  6. #6
    Lanny Bird of Courage
    There's really not that much to learn. It's a pretty simple imperative language. If you've written a substantial amount of any C family language you should be able to pick it up in a few days.
  7. #7
    Cathay Coof African Astronaut [the ariled affirmatory basinet]
    It's simplicity is why it's so great. Most of the bugs we catch are due to Java programmers trying to do weird and clever things.
  8. #8
    Wariat Marine/Preteen Biologist
    how long ould it twke for someone like me to pick it up Lanny?
  9. #9
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Seems kinda gay, tbh.

    Same with Fortran.

    We should be learning lisp if anything.

    But even that's kinda gay

    Why over complicate things?
  10. #10
    Cathay Coof African Astronaut [the ariled affirmatory basinet]
    Originally posted by gadzooks Seems kinda gay, tbh.

    Same with Fortran.

    We should learning lisp if anything.

    But even that's kinda gay

    Why over complicate things?

    What the fuck?

    I just said, Cobol programmers are in demand. All the banks use it for their core systems.

    There is very little demand for Fortran or LISP programmers.
  11. #11
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Wariat how long ould it twke for someone like me to pick it up Lanny?

    Learn you some python.

    Learning cobolt or whatever the fuck it's called is kinda hipster as fuck.

    Learn python.
  12. #12
    Cathay Coof African Astronaut [the ariled affirmatory basinet]
    Originally posted by gadzooks Learn you some python.

    Learning cobolt or whatever the fuck it's called is kinda hipster as fuck.

    Learn python.

    Piss off.
  13. #13
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Cathay Coof What the fuck?

    I just said, Cobol programmers are in demand.

    There is very little demand for Fortran or LISP programmers.

    Why are people even demanding Cobol?

    They are likely elderly and irrelevant.
  14. #14
    Cathay Coof African Astronaut [the ariled affirmatory basinet]
    Originally posted by gadzooks Why are people even demanding Cobol?

    They are likely elderly and irrelevant.

    They're like 200 years old and have a turnover in the billions and trillions.

    https://lmgtfy.com/?q=cobol+programmer+shortage&s=d
  15. #15
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Cathay Coof They're like 200 years old and have a turnover in the billions and trillions.

    https://lmgtfy.com/?q=cobol+programmer+shortage&s=d

    Ok you're not wrong.

    Cobolt actually is in high demand.

    But mostly because people are idiots.

    We don't need cobolt to run the world we need something maintainable like python or even ruby for fucks sake. But preferably python, because it has all the libraries we need for whatever purpose at hand.
  16. #16
    Cathay Coof African Astronaut [the ariled affirmatory basinet]
    Originally posted by gadzooks Ok you're not wrong.

    Cobolt actually is in high demand.

    But mostly because people are idiots.

    We don't need cobolt to run the world we need something maintainable like python or even ruby for fucks sake. But preferably python, because it has all the libraries we need for whatever purpose at hand.

    Python is a slow piece of shit, and so is Java.

    Cobol has amazing performance and reliability and is just about unhackable.

    And the reason you haven't heard about it is because everyone who knows it is too busy cashing in at big banks.

    And most of the programmers are currently aging out and retiring.

    Cobol runs 95%+ of all bank transactions. Cobol isn't getting replaced. Cobol has an amazing future ahead of it.

    If you have seen this thread and aren't currently planning on learning Cobol, you are an idiot and you will hate yourself in 20 years time for not taking my advice.

    Enjoy competing with a zillion pajeets for programming work in Corona world.
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  17. #17
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Cathay Coof Python is a slow piece of shit, and so is Java.

    Cobol has amazing performance and reliability and is just about unhackable.

    And the reason you haven't heard about it is because everyone who knows it is too busy cashing in at big banks.

    And most of the programmers are currently aging out and retiring.

    Cobol runs 95%+ of all bank transactions. Cobol isn't getting replaced. Cobol has an amazing future ahead of it.

    If you have seen this thread and aren't currently planning on learning Cobol, you are an idiot and you will hate yourself in 20 years time for not taking my advice.

    Enjoy competing with a zillion pajeets for programming work in Corona world.

    Ok fine I'll learn me some Cobol.

    Damn.
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  18. #18
    Cathay Coof African Astronaut [the ariled affirmatory basinet]
    Originally posted by gadzooks Ok fine I'll learn me some Cobol.

    Damn.

    Thank me later.
  19. #19
    frala Avant garde shartist
    Originally posted by gadzooks Ok fine I'll learn me some Cobol.

    Damn.

    You really should. You could easily get a job and make bank right now.
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  20. #20
    Cathay Coof African Astronaut [the ariled affirmatory basinet]
    I was literally talking to my boss today about Cobol and he was all like "oh cobol is so performant...we can't replace it".

    And Cobol hasn't given the company any headaches ever, whereas Java...

    Believe me, Cobol is going nowhere.
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