Submit your application here to be Zanick's personal assistant

1. 2015-10-05 at 3:55 AM UTC

   #1
   

   Zanick motherfucker [my p.a. supernal goa]
   Please include the standard components of the most recent resume model (within 2 yrs), please have references made available upon request.
   
   Next I'd like a short summary of yourself. Why are you interested in this position? Why should I hire you?
2. 2015-10-05 at 4:08 AM UTC

   #2
   

   Sophie Pedophile Tech Support
   You should hire me because i'm a cute little girl from Tallahassee, i'll follow you around everywhere in my most kawaii school girl outfit and you can call me kawaii desu-chan and i'll call you Zanick-sama. I am 11/10 waifu material and up to date on the latest memes and animu, i am fluent in japanese and will cosplay on request. I am interested in the position because a girl gotta' pay the rent.
3. 2015-10-05 at 6:37 AM UTC

   #3
   

   Zanick motherfucker [my p.a. supernal goa]
   First I'd like to say that I'm sorry you responded first, because an internet interview is very different from a face-to-face interview in that I have the opportunity to scrutinize your every statement. You might have entered this thread thinking it'd be easier. You were wrong, it will in fact be more difficult. Let's begin:
   
   

   You should hire me because i'm a cute little girl from Tallahassee

   
   While it's early in the interview I think you should be aware that I do not discriminate upon the basis of gender, race, political affiliation, gender-racial-affiliation or developmental disability. However, this information may still be considered relevant to your candidacy.
   
   

   i'll follow you around everywhere in my most kawaii school girl outfit and you can call me kawaii desu-chan and i'll call you Zanick-sama.

   
   My Japanese clients will be glad to see improvement in communication between our facilities, so that could be a valuable asset to our work together. Tell me, do you have experience working with a team?
   
   

   I am 11/10 waifu material and up to date on the latest memes and animu, i am fluent in japanese and will cosplay on request.

   
   Great! I've been wanting another MBA around the office. Just curious - were you in a fraternity?
   
   

   I am interested in the position because a girl gotta' pay the rent.

   
   I'm impressed by your credentials so far and I think you can expect a job offer in the near future. I can't guarantee anything, as you responded quickly to the ad and to make a decision so early in the process wouldn't be fair to the scores of applicants, but I think you ought to feel secure informing other recruiters that you will not be attending scheduled interviews.
4. 2015-10-05 at 7:50 AM UTC

   #4
   

   kroz weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
   You should hire me because im a very spiritual person , I practice astral projection and I'm a totse OG
5. 2015-10-05 at 3:24 PM UTC

   #5
   

   Sophie Pedophile Tech Support

   First I'd like to say that I'm sorry you responded first, because an internet interview is very different from a face-to-face interview in that I have the opportunity to scrutinize your every statement. You might have entered this thread thinking it'd be easier. You were wrong, it will in fact be more difficult. Let's begin:
   
   
   
   While it's early in the interview I think you should be aware that I do not discriminate upon the basis of gender, race, political affiliation, gender-racial-affiliation or developmental disability. However, this information may still be considered relevant to your candidacy.
   
   
   
   My Japanese clients will be glad to see improvement in communication between our facilities, so that could be a valuable asset to our work together. Tell me, do you have experience working with a team?

   
   I work best in a team Zanick-Sama, i'm really a people person.
   
   
   

   Great! I've been wanting another MBA around the office. Just curious - were you in a fraternity?

   
   Skull and bones.
   
   
   

   I'm impressed by your credentials so far and I think you can expect a job offer in the near future. I can't guarantee anything, as you responded quickly to the ad and to make a decision so early in the process wouldn't be fair to the scores of applicants, but I think you ought to feel secure informing other recruiters that you will not be attending scheduled interviews.

   
   Yata! Arrigatou gozaimasu, kimi wo shiawase ni suru!
   
6. 2015-10-06 at 5:03 PM UTC

   #6
   Hewfil1 Houston
   Hire me because if you don't, I'll call everyone you love fgts.
7. 2015-10-30 at 4:36 AM UTC

   #7
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   Age: I can drink now
   Sex: Yes
   Ethnicity: Knows how to make pico de gallo
   Work history: I push carts and take out trash
   Why I am interested in this position: I have always had an interest in maintaining genital piercings.
   Why you should hire me: I think my guacamole skills and pico de gallo experience puts me ahead of the competition in regards to ethnic flavorings of the glans.
8. 2015-12-22 at 7:33 PM UTC

   #8
   

   Bradley Black Hole
   Age: I outdrink all.
   Sex: I'll find you some.
   Ethnicity: Superior
   Work History: I cook American, Mexican, Italian and a little chinese food. I don't steal. I see nothing illegal. I've never signed a police statement.
   Why I am Interested: Something to do. Would like to get to know you better. Seem mildly wealthy.
   Why you should hire me: I can do everything the mexican above me can, but better, cleaner, and without bottoming.