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Had a cluster B in my sights

  1. #1
    Zanick motherfucker [my p.a. supernal goa]
    I’ve struck up a casual friendship with a barista and we flirt while she pours my coffee. She definitely overshares, which is how I know she has borderline personality disorder, but it’s also one of her more endearing qualities and I’m turned on by lunacy. She’s gorgeous and very sweet, so I got her number and talked to her a few times with cunnilingus at the front of my mind. This didn’t materialize.

    Yesterday, I was waiting in line for my coffee and this lanky freak, definitely at least two points less handsome than I, standing immediately in front of me, asked her out and got a date. She looked over the moon, compounding my disappointment. Defeated but still a gentleman, I smiled and told her, “Good for you, you’re a catch” and then I left with my coffee grinding my teeth.

    Share your missed chances, niggas.
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  2. #2
    frala Tuskegee Airman
    DID YOU SHOW HER THE DICK PIERCING?

    >=[

    March back in there and tell her he’s a schmuck.
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  3. #3
    Sophie Pedophile Tech Support
    She'll find out why he's a bad idea if he really is cluster B, soon enough.
  4. #4
    Erekshun African Astronaut
    Don't knock yourself, you dodged a bullet. She's a HO.
  5. #5
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Just the other night I was having one of those insomnia-induced multi-hour reminiscing sessions while tossing and turning in bed, entirely focused precisely on all the possible missed romantic opportunities that failed to materialize for one reason or another.

    The first one that came to mind and sparked this whole mental session was when my family had this Swedish exchange student staying with us for a week or so. She was my age (I was ~20 at the time), and, aside from a bit more facial acne than the typical average, was pretty attractive.

    I remember somehow stumbling upon her birth control pills... This was my first time ever seeing any such thing, but somehow I knew what I was looking at.

    However, somehow I also knew at the time (or had heard somewhere at least) that birth control pills can sometimes be used strictly for severe acne.

    So in my mind at the time, there was a 50/50 chance that she is sexually active.

    One night, just the two of us were up late having a few drinks and talking, and I kinda wanted to make a move, but my natural shyness kinda prevailed and I never tried anything.

    But the other night it had occured to me that she might have been explicitly looking to check some kind of international sexual experience off of the old bucket list, meaning that my chances might have been, in retrospect, even higher than I ever would have assumed at the time.
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  6. #6
    kroz weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
    Originally posted by Sophie She'll find out why he's a bad idea if he really is cluster B, soon enough.

    He was saying she was a cluster b dum dum. Op got cucked
  7. #7
    kroz weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
    Originally posted by gadzooks Just the other night I was having one of those insomnia-induced multi-hour reminiscing sessions while tossing and turning in bed, entirely focused precisely on all the possible missed romantic opportunities that failed to materialize for one reason or another.

    The first one that came to mind and sparked this whole mental session was when my family had this Swedish exchange student staying with us for a week or so. She was my age (I was ~20 at the time), and, aside from a bit more facial acne than the typical average, was pretty attractive.

    I remember somehow stumbling upon her birth control pills… This was my first time ever seeing any such thing, but somehow I knew what I was looking at.

    However, somehow I also knew at the time (or had heard somewhere at least) that birth control pills can sometimes be used strictly for severe acne.

    So in my mind at the time, there was a 50/50 chance that she is sexually active.

    One night, just the two of us were up late having a few drinks and talking, and I kinda wanted to make a move, but my natural shyness kinda prevailed and I never tried anything.

    But the other night it had occured to me that she might have been explicitly looking to check some kind of international sexual experience off of the old bucket list, meaning that my chances might have been, in retrospect, even higher than I ever would have assumed at the time.

    That's the front their mothers use for putting them on b control. Their the same kind of single mother's that also have them on antidepressants and have "Beto" and "US out of my uterus" bumber stickers..

    Don't get it twisted chicken
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  8. #8
    Sudo African Astronaut [my hereto riemannian peach]
    the problem was you had cunnilingus at the forefront of your mind and not long dick hip hop affection you bowtie wearing beta cuck.

    For the record I would go on a date with you zanick. By this I mean I would let you be part of my haram and feed me dates as you fan me with large leaves
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  9. #9
    kroz weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
    Originally posted by Sudo the problem was you had cunnilingus at the forefront of your mind and not long dick hip hop affection you bowtie wearing beta cuck.

    For the record I would go on a date with you zanick. By this I mean I would let you be part of my haram and feed me dates as you fan me with large leaves

    Pretty much this I figured it went without saying..
  10. #10
    Zanick motherfucker [my p.a. supernal goa]
    Update: I followed up to explain the importance of my cunnilingus mission. She tossed the freak to the curb where he belongs. I’m posting this while I wait to be let into her apartment building.

    I cannot wait to diagnose this poor girl and then write poetry about her for years after she’s taken out a restraining order.

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  11. #11
    aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    Originally posted by Sudo I would let you be part of my haram

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  12. #12
    aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    Originally posted by Zanick Update: I followed up to explain the importance of my cunnilingus mission. She tossed the freak to the curb where he belongs. I’m posting this while I wait to be let into her apartment building.

    I cannot wait to diagnose this poor girl and then write poetry about her for years after she’s taken out a restraining order.

    this sounds like the start of one of eminem's songs about murdering his wife
  13. #13
    Sudo African Astronaut [my hereto riemannian peach]
    at my arraingment note for the plaintiff
    "your daughters tied up in Zanick's basement"
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  14. #14
    Technologist motherfucker
  15. #15
    Zanick motherfucker [my p.a. supernal goa]
    So, when I saw her that evening, I presented her with my oral contract, which she eagerly agreed to. Our preliminary interview went very well, and I think she's an excellent candidate for this. But the next morning, I woke up with a cold sore. She’s displeased, but understanding and willing to be patient. On the other hand, I’m contemplating burning my lips off on the stove. I have clients to think about.

  16. #16
    kroz weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
    Originally posted by Zanick So, when I saw her that evening, I presented her with my oral contract, which she eagerly agreed to. Our preliminary interview went very well, and I think she's an excellent candidate for this. But the next morning, I woke up with a cold sore. She’s displeased, but understanding and willing to be patient. On the other hand, I’m contemplating burning my lips off on the stove. I have clients to think about.

    SO EDGY!

    AHHHH YEAAAAH TIGHT FUCKING CHEEKS!
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