I found "The Fonaplats Thread" from Zoklet

1. 2019-08-04 at 1:10 AM UTC

   #1
   

   Fonaplats victim of incest [daylong jump-start that nome]
   From many moons ago.
   I remember it being one of my favorite threads that I made but idk if this was the final draft of it or not. I just kinda stumpled apon it with Slaynk's help.
   
   https://archive.vn/bRiKA
   
   
   Thread: The FONAPLATS Thread View Single Post
   #46
   Old 07-02-2013, 08:04 PM
   FONAPLATS's Avatar
   FONAPLATS FONAPLATS is online now
   Baron
   
   Join Date: Aug 2012
   Location: In the earth
   Thanks: 228
   Thanked 348 Times in 219 Posts
   Default Re: The FONAPLATS Thread
   I feel as though I should let you gaiz know a bit more about me.
   
   All my life I have done somewhat out of the box things. But my life didn't get fun fun until I turned 18. I mean it was already fun, but not fun fun. I was going to school for my airframe and powerplant license so I could get a jerb workin on aeroplanes. I graduated on May 16th 2008. That is also my birthday, so I went to my buddies house (he was my boss at the time) and I got drunk as fuck and went to a strip club.
   
   Oh and um.... I got accused of being on drugs at school when I was 17 or something and I hadnt done drugs for a year.
   
   Anyways I turn 18 go to a strip club and waste all my monies. Then a month later I am in court on a possession of xanax charge Frown So I get 5 years of supervised probation and a 30 day suspended sentence.
   
   Sometime during the 4th of July weekend (2008) I got a DUI. Yea I was fucking drunk driving. Anyways I somehow managed to get released that very same night and found my car. I was driving back home 2 hours after I got the DUI.
   
   So I get 1 year of probation in another county and I had to take some DUI appreciation class.
   
   So I was living with my parents and didnt want to tell 'em. So I kept driving and pretended it was all good.
   
   Then one night that August I decided to go pick up a hooker and I got pulled over on my way home for going 97 in a 45. So I got a driving under suspension charge.... He arrested me and I was in the back of the cop car. I pulled out my Visa and posted bail from the backseat! Yea the cops around here are cool as shit.
   
   At this point I am on probation in 3 different counties and basically fucked.
   
   I remember going to see one of my probation officers who happened to be black. I was there for a drug test. Unfortunately some famous black guy died the day before and my black probation officer was all torn up over it. So I am high as a kite watching a sad black man yell at me for being a fool. I had no hope of passing a drug test that day so I said I was going to go to my car and get him some paper work or something. That is when I ran.
   
   So I am wanted now and have nothing. No jerb, no ID. I am all freakin out.
   
   Heroin kicks ass. Thats all I have to say about it. Banging heroin and inhaling computer duster. Fuck yea. So I am chillin at a friends house strung out on drugs. I need money so I decide to try doing some B&E's.
   
   Pro-tip: Dont do B&E's while drunk on steel reserve. (will find out why later in post)
   
   2009 picked up for me and I landed like 3 jerbs doing meaningless shit that a robot was being designed to do. I was working 70+ hours a week at $9 and hour. All was good.
   
   Crack cocaine!
   
   Yea so... like Im crawling on the floor smoking anything that looks like crack. Im chasing the high and losing bad. I have a meeting with the HR person at work the next day to get promoted. I stay up all night smoking crack.
   
   The next day I walk into work smoking crack and shit. I get called over to the meeting room with the HR person and she takes 1 look at my eyes and says "GTFO you god damn junkie!"
   
   So I am unemployed and shit now.
   
   hmm..... Lets sell drugs!
   
   I got money and a car. I start selling drugs. But selling and using dont mix. I had no hope of being a gangsta like the rappers on t.v. But I kept trying... I was to pull into a gas station in the later months of 2009 when...
   
   Poindexter!!!
   
   I see this dude at the pump next to me and he is yelling at people "Do you wanna buy some methadone??" I was laughing so hard I had to meet this guy. I followed him to a house and was drinking methadone with him and talking. Poindexter was his name and shit he was cool as fuck.
   
   For months I hang out with Poindexter doing Heroin and taking xanax and going on adventures. It was sooo much fun. I seen people OD and shit and I touched boobies.
   
   Then one night in Febuary 2010 I am sitting in a house with Poindexter. We get drunk and go buy a gun. Back at the house we are getting more drunk and shooting up everything. (This house was like 500 feet from a school) So I am getting drunk and Poindexter is blasting his SKS into his bathroom. I am really fucked up not to notice this is a bad idea but w/e. He are playing beer pong and shit and shooting up his house for fun.
   
   BAM!
   GTF DOWN! GET DOWN NOW!
   
   AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHH
   
   Cops :/
   
   So here I am sitting in a house full of drugs, guns and drunk peoples. Poindexter still has a pistol in the back of his pants. The cops start searching everyone and Poindexter is about to kill the cops. I am drinking my drank and laughing at the cops.
   
   Poindexter goes for his pistol but it gets hung up in his butt or something and he gets taken down. At this point the cops are flipping out and scared as shit knowing they are probably going to die. I am so high that I just stood up and walked over to a window and jumped out. Now I am on the 3rd story of this house and land on a sidewalk. God damn that fall hurt like a motherfucker.
   
   So Poindexter is in jail for Felon in possession of firearm. What do I do now....
   
   STRIPPERS!!!!
   
   Oh yea, Im drunk as fuck and getting lap dances. Im so drunk I cant work the atm at the strip club so I decide to just drive to the bank.
   
   Well my supercharges Pontiac Grand Prix GTP had lil tread left. And my drunken lead foot was stompin the gas pedal and doing burnout at every light.
   
   So Im in the bank parking lot getting arrested and shit. Im so drunk and I am on my way to jail when I remember I have bunch of xanax in my sock. So I manage to get to them and eat them all.
   
   Im in jail totally confused and just waving at people and shit.
   
   Next day I bail out and am pretty damn fucked. The bank was near a ghetto and some niggers decided to try and steal my car. They managed to take my subs and some monies but totally missed the bag of weed in the door. The fucked up the steering column with a god damn screwdriver and bobby pin pretty damn good.
   
   Doesnt matter.
   I sell the car for heroin and get high before court.
   
   So here I am in court babbling like a fool. The judge makes some comment along the lines of "shut up" and next thing I know I am in jail for 30 days.
   
   The jail here is rough as hell and I was on the chain gang. Everyday I woke up, got chained, driven out to some random location and forced to work.
   But the jail does serve you cake 3 times a day, and damn it is so yummy.
   
   2 days before I am to be released I get a letter from a court in another county. Im stuck in jail for another week and half before I get transported out to their court. So I am sitting in court chowing down on milk and cookies some police officer gave me and my name is called. The judge says something along the lines of "You are a dumbass. Go to jail for 30 days" I was sad so I said "no no! I already been in jail over 30 days". Judge said "well, okay you are free to go then."
   
   A month later I get a phone call
   Me - hello
   Cop - Is this Andrew Steele?
   Me - Yup, who is this??
   Cop - This is Detective DickHurt, and I am investigating some old B&E and I ran the prints again and you popped up.
   Me - Uh... okay :/
   Cop - Do you remember breaking into a property in 2008?
   Me - No
   Cop - Well, you did. And you was drunk as hell cuz you left beers around and ate their food and made a big mess.
   Me - Damn it
   Cop - See you in court
   
   So a couple months later, I am walking on sunshine doing community service at an animal shelter. I take a break from cleaning dog poop off of blankets and go outside to smoke a blunt. Outside there are 2 big dog cages for the police doggies. I sit down and smoke my blunt. I am blowing the smoke into the dogs faces and shit and they just bark bark bark. A cop comes around the corner and is all like "Are u really smoking marijuana with the police dogs?"
   
   So I am arrested again and spend Halloween weekend 2010 in jail.
   
   So I play good guy for a while and lay low. When all the sudden...
   
   BATH SALTZ!!
   
   So its now May 2011 and I am shooting bath salts up 60-100 times a day. I have huge ass abscesses and I look like the walking dead. This goes on for months until October when the state of Ohio made them illegal. By this time I am fucked up so bad.
   
   Hep C sucks
   
   I go back to heroin but shit I have no tolerance for that drug anymore. I OD and wake up in the hospital. Everyone is like "Go to rehab." I am like no, I have more drugs to do.
   
   So I get arrested a couple more times and then I find myself sitting at the kitchen table with 300-10mg Valium I bought from Pakistan. I needed to make sure they where real so I ate 10 of them. Went to walmart with a bb gun and was shoplifting and pointing it at people. All the sudden some asshole tackles me and beats me up.
   
   So I am in jail and it takes me 2 weeks to come out of my daze. I apparently was a big problem for them and kept hitting panic buttons and crawling into bed with other inmates. So I go to court via webcam and I am so high on the drugs they gave me in jail (cuz I told them lies and said I was crazy) that I lose consciousness while in court and hit the back of my head on a table. Everyone is freaking out and shit so I wake up and stand back up. Then I do it again.
   
   Finally they give me a fucking chair and I say to the judge lady "I dont wanna go to rehab just give me more jail cake". She thanked me for my candor andI spent the next 3 months in jail.
   
   When I finally got out I was so happy. I decided to buy some drugs.
   Its some week in April 2012 now....
   Tuesday - OD on Benzos and wake up in the hospital
   Thursday - OD on heroin and wake up in the hospital with a Felony charge
   Saturday - Get super drunk and call the police and yell at them! Wake up in the hospital again.
   
   So I stay in the hospital for a week and they made me go to a rehab for 30 some days. Totally gay rehab that sucked dick. I got accused of grabbin titties and was put in lockdown.
   
   I get out in June 2012 and knowing I have a Felony charge I had to do something fast before I go to court. \
   
   SWIM managed to crash all the courts compooters and they lost all the records for upcoming court dates, along with all the info about said events.
   
   Yea so I dont want to push my luck anymore. I have been pretty good for a year now. I still indulge but I havent been as careless. Now I just waste time on zoklet... oh and make flower boxes and shit.
   __________________
   I'm in great physical condition, my mind is focused, I'm blessed. Money has never been an issue with me. I will make and continue to make plenty of money.
   Last edited by FONAPLATS; 07-02-2013 at 08:13 PM.
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2. 2019-08-04 at 8:46 AM UTC

   #2
   

   D4NG0 motherfucker
   I just realized I've been inserting an 'n' in your name that's not there. Was reading it 'Fonaplants'.
   
   I'll probably ignore this revelation and continue on, since I think that sounds better anyway.
3. 2019-08-04 at 9:08 AM UTC

   #3
   

   STER0S Space Nigga [the disappointingly unanticipated slab]

   https://archive.vn/bRiKA

   
   lol what a dipshit.
4. 2019-08-04 at 10:21 AM UTC

   #4
   

   NARCassist gollums fat coach

   Originally posted by Fonaplats From many moons ago.
   I remember it being one of my favorite threads that I made but idk if this was the final draft of it or not. I just kinda stumpled apon it with Slaynk's help.
   
   https://archive.vn/bRiKA
   
   
   Thread: The FONAPLATS Thread View Single Post
   #46
   Old 07-02-2013, 08:04 PM
   FONAPLATS's Avatar
   FONAPLATS FONAPLATS is online now
   Baron
   
   Join Date: Aug 2012
   Location: In the earth
   Thanks: 228
   Thanked 348 Times in 219 Posts
   Default Re: The FONAPLATS Thread
   I feel as though I should let you gaiz know a bit more about me.
   
   All my life I have done somewhat out of the box things. But my life didn't get fun fun until I turned 18. I mean it was already fun, but not fun fun. I was going to school for my airframe and powerplant license so I could get a jerb workin on aeroplanes. I graduated on May 16th 2008. That is also my birthday, so I went to my buddies house (he was my boss at the time) and I got drunk as fuck and went to a strip club.
   
   Oh and um…. I got accused of being on drugs at school when I was 17 or something and I hadnt done drugs for a year.
   
   Anyways I turn 18 go to a strip club and waste all my monies. Then a month later I am in court on a possession of xanax charge Frown So I get 5 years of supervised probation and a 30 day suspended sentence.
   
   Sometime during the 4th of July weekend (2008) I got a DUI. Yea I was fucking drunk driving. Anyways I somehow managed to get released that very same night and found my car. I was driving back home 2 hours after I got the DUI.
   
   So I get 1 year of probation in another county and I had to take some DUI appreciation class.
   
   So I was living with my parents and didnt want to tell 'em. So I kept driving and pretended it was all good.
   
   Then one night that August I decided to go pick up a hooker and I got pulled over on my way home for going 97 in a 45. So I got a driving under suspension charge…. He arrested me and I was in the back of the cop car. I pulled out my Visa and posted bail from the backseat! Yea the cops around here are cool as shit.
   
   At this point I am on probation in 3 different counties and basically fucked.
   
   I remember going to see one of my probation officers who happened to be black. I was there for a drug test. Unfortunately some famous black guy died the day before and my black probation officer was all torn up over it. So I am high as a kite watching a sad black man yell at me for being a fool. I had no hope of passing a drug test that day so I said I was going to go to my car and get him some paper work or something. That is when I ran.
   
   So I am wanted now and have nothing. No jerb, no ID. I am all freakin out.
   
   Heroin kicks ass. Thats all I have to say about it. Banging heroin and inhaling computer duster. Fuck yea. So I am chillin at a friends house strung out on drugs. I need money so I decide to try doing some B&E's.
   
   Pro-tip: Dont do B&E's while drunk on steel reserve. (will find out why later in post)
   
   2009 picked up for me and I landed like 3 jerbs doing meaningless shit that a robot was being designed to do. I was working 70+ hours a week at $9 and hour. All was good.
   
   Crack cocaine!
   
   Yea so… like Im crawling on the floor smoking anything that looks like crack. Im chasing the high and losing bad. I have a meeting with the HR person at work the next day to get promoted. I stay up all night smoking crack.
   
   The next day I walk into work smoking crack and shit. I get called over to the meeting room with the HR person and she takes 1 look at my eyes and says "GTFO you god damn junkie!"
   
   So I am unemployed and shit now.
   
   hmm….. Lets sell drugs!
   
   I got money and a car. I start selling drugs. But selling and using dont mix. I had no hope of being a gangsta like the rappers on t.v. But I kept trying… I was to pull into a gas station in the later months of 2009 when…
   
   Poindexter!!!
   
   I see this dude at the pump next to me and he is yelling at people "Do you wanna buy some methadone??" I was laughing so hard I had to meet this guy. I followed him to a house and was drinking methadone with him and talking. Poindexter was his name and shit he was cool as fuck.
   
   For months I hang out with Poindexter doing Heroin and taking xanax and going on adventures. It was sooo much fun. I seen people OD and shit and I touched boobies.
   
   Then one night in Febuary 2010 I am sitting in a house with Poindexter. We get drunk and go buy a gun. Back at the house we are getting more drunk and shooting up everything. (This house was like 500 feet from a school) So I am getting drunk and Poindexter is blasting his SKS into his bathroom. I am really fucked up not to notice this is a bad idea but w/e. He are playing beer pong and shit and shooting up his house for fun.
   
   BAM!
   GTF DOWN! GET DOWN NOW!
   
   AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHH
   
   Cops :/
   
   So here I am sitting in a house full of drugs, guns and drunk peoples. Poindexter still has a pistol in the back of his pants. The cops start searching everyone and Poindexter is about to kill the cops. I am drinking my drank and laughing at the cops.
   
   Poindexter goes for his pistol but it gets hung up in his butt or something and he gets taken down. At this point the cops are flipping out and scared as shit knowing they are probably going to die. I am so high that I just stood up and walked over to a window and jumped out. Now I am on the 3rd story of this house and land on a sidewalk. God damn that fall hurt like a motherfucker.
   
   So Poindexter is in jail for Felon in possession of firearm. What do I do now….
   
   STRIPPERS!!!!
   
   Oh yea, Im drunk as fuck and getting lap dances. Im so drunk I cant work the atm at the strip club so I decide to just drive to the bank.
   
   Well my supercharges Pontiac Grand Prix GTP had lil tread left. And my drunken lead foot was stompin the gas pedal and doing burnout at every light.
   
   So Im in the bank parking lot getting arrested and shit. Im so drunk and I am on my way to jail when I remember I have bunch of xanax in my sock. So I manage to get to them and eat them all.
   
   Im in jail totally confused and just waving at people and shit.
   
   Next day I bail out and am pretty damn fucked. The bank was near a ghetto and some niggers decided to try and steal my car. They managed to take my subs and some monies but totally missed the bag of weed in the door. The fucked up the steering column with a god damn screwdriver and bobby pin pretty damn good.
   
   Doesnt matter.
   I sell the car for heroin and get high before court.
   
   So here I am in court babbling like a fool. The judge makes some comment along the lines of "shut up" and next thing I know I am in jail for 30 days.
   
   The jail here is rough as hell and I was on the chain gang. Everyday I woke up, got chained, driven out to some random location and forced to work.
   But the jail does serve you cake 3 times a day, and damn it is so yummy.
   
   2 days before I am to be released I get a letter from a court in another county. Im stuck in jail for another week and half before I get transported out to their court. So I am sitting in court chowing down on milk and cookies some police officer gave me and my name is called. The judge says something along the lines of "You are a dumbass. Go to jail for 30 days" I was sad so I said "no no! I already been in jail over 30 days". Judge said "well, okay you are free to go then."
   
   A month later I get a phone call
   Me - hello
   Cop - Is this Andrew Steele?
   Me - Yup, who is this??
   Cop - This is Detective DickHurt, and I am investigating some old B&E and I ran the prints again and you popped up.
   Me - Uh… okay :/
   Cop - Do you remember breaking into a property in 2008?
   Me - No
   Cop - Well, you did. And you was drunk as hell cuz you left beers around and ate their food and made a big mess.
   Me - Damn it
   Cop - See you in court
   
   So a couple months later, I am walking on sunshine doing community service at an animal shelter. I take a break from cleaning dog poop off of blankets and go outside to smoke a blunt. Outside there are 2 big dog cages for the police doggies. I sit down and smoke my blunt. I am blowing the smoke into the dogs faces and shit and they just bark bark bark. A cop comes around the corner and is all like "Are u really smoking marijuana with the police dogs?"
   
   So I am arrested again and spend Halloween weekend 2010 in jail.
   
   So I play good guy for a while and lay low. When all the sudden…
   
   BATH SALTZ!!
   
   So its now May 2011 and I am shooting bath salts up 60-100 times a day. I have huge ass abscesses and I look like the walking dead. This goes on for months until October when the state of Ohio made them illegal. By this time I am fucked up so bad.
   
   Hep C sucks
   
   I go back to heroin but shit I have no tolerance for that drug anymore. I OD and wake up in the hospital. Everyone is like "Go to rehab." I am like no, I have more drugs to do.
   
   So I get arrested a couple more times and then I find myself sitting at the kitchen table with 300-10mg Valium I bought from Pakistan. I needed to make sure they where real so I ate 10 of them. Went to walmart with a bb gun and was shoplifting and pointing it at people. All the sudden some asshole tackles me and beats me up.
   
   So I am in jail and it takes me 2 weeks to come out of my daze. I apparently was a big problem for them and kept hitting panic buttons and crawling into bed with other inmates. So I go to court via webcam and I am so high on the drugs they gave me in jail (cuz I told them lies and said I was crazy) that I lose consciousness while in court and hit the back of my head on a table. Everyone is freaking out and shit so I wake up and stand back up. Then I do it again.
   
   Finally they give me a fucking chair and I say to the judge lady "I dont wanna go to rehab just give me more jail cake". She thanked me for my candor andI spent the next 3 months in jail.
   
   When I finally got out I was so happy. I decided to buy some drugs.
   Its some week in April 2012 now….
   Tuesday - OD on Benzos and wake up in the hospital
   Thursday - OD on heroin and wake up in the hospital with a Felony charge
   Saturday - Get super drunk and call the police and yell at them! Wake up in the hospital again.
   
   So I stay in the hospital for a week and they made me go to a rehab for 30 some days. Totally gay rehab that sucked dick. I got accused of grabbin titties and was put in lockdown.
   
   I get out in June 2012 and knowing I have a Felony charge I had to do something fast before I go to court. \
   
   SWIM managed to crash all the courts compooters and they lost all the records for upcoming court dates, along with all the info about said events.
   
   Yea so I dont want to push my luck anymore. I have been pretty good for a year now. I still indulge but I havent been as careless. Now I just waste time on zoklet… oh and make flower boxes and shit.
   __________________
   I'm in great physical condition, my mind is focused, I'm blessed. Money has never been an issue with me. I will make and continue to make plenty of money.
   Last edited by FONAPLATS; 07-02-2013 at 08:13 PM.
   Reply With Quote
   The following users say "It is so good to hear it!":
   Aborted Shylock (07-02-2013), Cigreting (07-03-2013), FON (07-03-2013), §m£ÂgØL (07-02-2013), unstable matter (07-02-2013)

   
   didn't read faggot
   
   
   .
5. 2019-08-04 at 10:21 AM UTC

   #5
   

   NARCassist gollums fat coach

   Originally posted by D4NG0 I just realized I've been inserting an 'n' in your name that's not there. Was reading it 'Fonaplants'.
   
   I'll probably ignore this revelation and continue on, since I think that sounds better anyway.

   
   i used to do that an all
   
   
   .
6. 2019-08-04 at 12:07 PM UTC

   #6
   

   Ghost Black Hole
   What's ur home address also I want to call shell on the shell phone