2019-06-03 at 6:08 PM UTC
i've experienced it a couple times now from getting myself totally strung out and sober again and from the other side i can clearly see how the addiction (more of an obsession than an addiction, really) deceives you into becoming totally worthless. at first when you start tweaking, things are awesome and have much more meaning. whatever thing it is you get into, music, sex, making money, it's going to be exceptionally awesome to such a degree that it will start to totally occupy your mind and you become obsessed with it. you stop paying attention to the things you used to care about, which feels awesome and even progressive while you're on the stimulants because it's like you're finding enjoyment in all sorts of things you never have before.
then eventually the side effects of the stimulants start to overtake the euphoria and usefulness. the obsessions that you have while high start to become less and less awesome, but you don't want to believe that you have to quit so you keep going until you reach a point where you cannot deny it anymore and you need to quit (or you just suffer in misery).
then you realize that all the things you had interest in while stimmed are actually worthless (they always had been) and that all of the shit that you brushed off while high is no longer around for you. the people, the opportunities have all moved on without you while you were obsessing over gardening and 1 porn video for 8 hours at a time and trance music. and you're stuck with the prospect of building an entire life from scratch while you fight through the post stimulant depression and also just the depression of having nothing left.
and then you have to just do it blindly hoping meaning will come eventually and that you'll be able to assimilate back into some form of passable normalcy and never do stimulants again
2019-06-03 at 6:10 PM UTC
Do you purchase your Mexican super meth from the Sinaloa Cartel?
2019-06-03 at 6:12 PM UTC
try baby carrots and dark cherries
2019-06-03 at 6:19 PM UTC
you never had one to begin with
2019-06-03 at 7:05 PM UTC
Stim lyfe!
I agree OP, especially the porn part. I shit you not I watched porn for more than 12 hours straight and snorted a fuck load of Cocaine during that 3 day bender. I was lucky enough to get a girl around on day 3 and hate fuck her (She was an ugly bitch).
I think you're in a state of sober superiority. Not so much of a bad thing if you can maintain it. Self reflection and anathema towards past habits make you realize the time/money wasted on temporary and fake happiness.
