2019-04-05 at 4:51 AM UTC
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I attract the itinerant vagrant community like bees to honey, or bees to pollen to make honey, whatever.
I can't take it anymore.
Every time I get a few days break from it all, let my body heal, calls, texts, and taps on my rear window accelerate in frequency.
I can't take it.
My task backlog is like, a million miles long.
I just want my own getaway location I can go to to get away from the fucking bums, addicts, derelicts, schizos, the whole lot of them. I'm sorry. I have sympathy for people in fucked up situations, but I need to resolve my own issues before I can take care of anyone else.
Without venturing into "attract the feds" kinda talk... Let me just say that, I kinda get the degree of rage it takes to assassinate an entire social/community event.
Like... fuck.
Nobody should ever "get" that kind of thinking. But right now I am beyond rage. Mostly at myself. I let them in. I am weak. It's a sickness. I get drunk, and needy street rats (lol, Aladdin) just happen to receive telekinetic notification of that fact, and I start getting visitors.
And they offer harder drugs, and I say "yes", at least after some humming and hawing.
I'm weak, I admit it.
But I need to get away from the stress and the temptation in order to heal.
What do I do?
2019-04-05 at 4:55 AM UTC
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I want a tent or nuclear bunker somewhere off grid that I can get to.
I am a devoted, dedicated worker when I have a goal in my sights... I need to make this happen.
Right now I'm getting a measly $2k a month for (un)employment insurance. That barely covers my residential expenses and student loans and phone and Internet and so on.
If I could rob a bank with zero casualties and no decades plus long sentences, I'd so do it.
2019-04-05 at 4:56 AM UTC
Uhh, check yourself into a treatment facility or commit a petty crime and sit in jail for a little bit.
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2019-04-05 at 4:56 AM UTC
aldra
JIDF Controlled Opposition
I dunno, opium dens probably
2019-04-05 at 4:56 AM UTC
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
Actually, fuck sex, I'll move to a Buddhist monastery full of celibate dudes if it will get me away from all this.
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2019-04-05 at 4:58 AM UTC
aldra
JIDF Controlled Opposition
drunk and intentionally disorderly would be easiest
2019-04-05 at 5:02 AM UTC
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I want escape... Like a pod of some kind that can just jettison me away from the day-to-day activities that just seem so banal and obstructive against any kind of true self-actualization.
2019-04-05 at 5:03 AM UTC
aldra
JIDF Controlled Opposition
so you can 'self actualise' a few times in orbit before running out of oxygen?
2019-04-05 at 5:04 AM UTC
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I'm like 35 (legit can't even remember exactly any more... Born in August of 1984... maybe 34).
And nothing appeals to me.
Everyone, and everything, is some kind of obstacle between myself and faint and faded once-held-proudly goals chock with ambition anticipating some kind of life full of accomplishments.
Instead, I'm a fat, drunk, unemployed, drug addicted, lonely/single, push-over faggot that just keeps slipping deeper and deeper into the depths of shit land.
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2019-04-05 at 5:08 AM UTC
I didnt say anything about guns. Just like I didnt say psych ward. Why are you changing what I'm saying STAHP IT.
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2019-04-05 at 5:09 AM UTC
aldra
JIDF Controlled Opposition
Originally posted by gadzooks
I'm like 35 (legit can't even remember exactly any more… Born in August of 1984… maybe 34).
And nothing appeals to me.
Everyone, and everything, is some kind of obstacle between myself and faint and faded once-held-proudly goals chock with ambition anticipating some kind of life full of accomplishments.
Instead, I'm a fat, drunk, unemployed, drug addicted, lonely/single, push-over faggot that just keeps slipping deeper and deeper into the depths of shit land.
I'm in a similar place, just not inviting junkies in to make it worse
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