Woke up today hungover after flip flopping and having nightmares all night.
I kept having these bad dreams but when I got de-hungovered I realized that they were not just random dreams but instead they were memories.
I had completely blocked these memories out of my mind.
I had no idea I even had them.
I think what has happened is that because of my recent thread about being raped and how I have come to accept it that I must have triggered an avalanche of suppressed memories.
I am afraid that for the rest of my life I will have new-old memories of bad things now.
Back when I was 7 I had this retarded idea to play sports.
I dont know why I wanted to play sports.
I can only guess that at that young age I didn't know what sports were or I wouldn't have asked to play them.
Shortly after wanting to play sports I went to see my family doctor.
I always liked my doctor but this day was different.
Here I am at 7 years old all alone in a doctors office.
I am not even sick so why am I here?
My doctor comes in with this creepy smile on his face and starts talking to me.
I was very shy and the next thing I know he is TELLING ME to drop my pants.
He never asked me to do this before...
All I remember after that is his old, cold, wrinkly hands touching uncomfortably close to my junk.
Then he actually touched my junk I think.
I do remember him starring at it for a while and making me super uncomfortable.
This all happened 20 years ago but the wound is still fresh.
I feel violated somehow.
I did not ask for this old man who I trusted to fondle my balls.
I was MoLeStEd -_-
I have barely been able to deal with my rape and now somehow I have to deal with this MoLeStAtIoN that happened to me too?
This is all just to much for me to handle right now and that is why I haven't posted today.
I got MoLeStEd!
But in other news, I took my mom to Burger King for Mother's Day Brunch.
She was so pissed.
Then I took her to the flea market.
She was even more pissed (and sweaty).
I did learn some useful stuff today.
#1 The flea market has the ugliest, nastiest women ever.
#2 The flea market has prostitutes.
#3 I like the flea market.
HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE!
