2018-01-06 at 8:20 AM UTC
On a warm, cheery afternoon six years ago to the day, then area man Steven Lakewood found himself with a bad stroke of luck--the recipient of a completely unprovoked bee sting on the left side of his neck while strolling casually through his peaceful neighborhood.
"I have made that walk probably thousands of fucking times, and not once did some fucking asshole bee decide it had nothing better to do than to sneak up behind me and jab its faggot ass stinger into my neck for no goddamn reason whatsoever. Bullshit! Shit hurts man! Dickhead!"
Those were Steven's only words when interviewed later that day, whereupon immediately grumbling under his breath and pushing the reporter away from him in a state of frustration.
Several witnessing neighbors to the attack reported seeing Steven walking down the sidewalk as they often did, when he abruptly stopped in place and appeared to aggressively swing his hand toward his neck and begin openly cursing. One resident recalled him being "very visibly distraut" as well as "not acting like himself at all."
The locals had described their neighborhood as not having very many bees and a nice place to not have to constantly worry about the potential of a bee poking it's stinger into your body causing a sharp and immediate pain. Many admit they hadn't even seen a bee in over a year, some even several years, chalking Steven's misfortune up as "just one of those things that happens sometimes."
Immediately following the incident, the entire community had already forgotten about it, moving on with their own lives of not giving a fuck about someone getting stung by a bee.
The entire community that is, save for Steven.
We were able to track him down recently in his new residence, now located at the literal globally polar opposite of his previous residence, and get a few words from the former bee sting victim.
I'LL FUCKING KILL THEM ALL!" he yelled at the top of his lungs when we first asked him if he recalled that fateful day.
"THEY MUST BURN!!! I MEAN WHAT FUCK??! STING ME?? MEEEE??? I was just taking my STUPID LITTLE WALK where bees were of NO THOUGHT WHATSOEVER to me, but one of these DEMONIC HATERS OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND PROPER DECIDES IT NEEDS TO MAKE ME SUFFER! JESUS FUUUUUUUUCK!" he again screamed out, his face growing alarmingly red as he began to pace back in forth in 3-step intervals.
When questioned about the fact that it could have simply been one random, isolated incident that didn't in fact represent a mass bee conspiracy against him, his face filled with rage before he instantly began hurling vases and lamps across his living room and smashing family portraits onto the floor.
"THEY ALL CONSPIRE! THEY ALL HATE!! THEY ALL FEEED ON MY MISERY!! THEY CARE ABOUT NOTHING BUT HURTING ME, NOTHING BUT FINDING WAYS TO INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE AND MAKE EVERY GODDAMN MINUTE A LIVING HELL! BEES HERE! BEES THERE! THEY NEVER FUCKING STOP AND YOU HAVE NO CLUE!! JUST SHUT UP! JUST FUCKING SHUT UP AND GET OUT! YOU'RE PROBABLY WORKING WITH THEM RIGHT NOW, AREN'T YOU??!!! GODDAMN BEE PEOPLE! HORRIBLE HORRIBLE BEE PEOPLE!!!STOP RUINING MY LIIIIFE!!!!!!!!"
Our interview ended there as he then retrieved an industrial logging chainsaw and began threatening to kill "everyone and everything."
Sources later confirmed that in the 6 years since the bee sting incident, Steven hadn't so much as seen another bee or been in any way even remotely in danger of being stung again.
2018-01-06 at 8:28 AM UTC
I'm just kidding, I read it and it was pretty funny
2018-01-06 at 8:31 AM UTC
Danke Herr Falco. I hadn't put any effort into making a little "story" in a while, and Dargo's recent mention of that prompted me to give it a whirl.
Now back to the shitposts!
2018-01-06 at 5:09 PM UTC
-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
Just some constructive criticism... the ending was kind of anti-climatic (it was probably intentional, but not many will grasp the concept). You need an ending like Steven is horribly killed by accidentally slipping into a vat of boiling honey, or something to that effect.
2018-01-06 at 7:30 PM UTC
-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
Originally posted by mmQ
Yeah, I thought about that. I was lazy.
Or that Steven later learned he had unknowingly contracted a fatal disease several years earlier, which could only be cured by bee venom. Steven then went on to a thriving startup business in the bee hive trade.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2018-01-06 at 7:47 PM UTC
i came here expecting tactically dressed men and flame throwers.
i left disappointed.
2018-01-06 at 11:09 PM UTC
I found it very fascinating. The story structure, the protagonist, you can tell the author put love and dedication into the weaving the fabric of this piece. Dare I call it a "work of wonderful contemporary literature".
