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Cringiest Things Evar
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2016-02-10 at 1:27 AM UTCSo one time I was working as an intern at a youth christian camp. I was talking to some ordained pastor about theology or something gay like that and the kids were playing freezetag or something like it. Anyway, there this little fat kid who always struck dominant body postures and tried to assert himself in dumb ways at the camp (I called him Dominant Doughnut). Anyway, Dominant Doughnut ran behind a tree and started dancing. I guess he thought we couldn't see him. He started shouting and singing,
"SUCK ON MAH CHOCK - LUT SALTY BAAAAA-AAAA-AAWWLLSS!"
So Pastor faggot and I ignored it for a while and just kept talking. I wasn't really sure what to make of it. Then Dominant Doughnut popped out from behind the tree, faced the other children playing the game, and started singing louder,
"SUCK ON MAH CHOCK - LUT SALTY BAAAAA-AAAA-AAWWLLSS!"
STIGIM IN YAH MOUTH AND SUCK'EM!!! DUN DUN DUNIN!!"
Finally pastor was like "Hey! No balls. Come on, guy."
Dominant Doughnut saw us and a look of sheer panic took over his face. He just took off running away.
Also, there was an Asian kid who was really popular with girls and was good at basketball. I used to call him KimJungSkill.
Moral of the story is that I used to work at a big faggot church camp.
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2016-02-10 at 1:28 AM UTCHere's how the song goes in case you niggas are too young to remember.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIl-6UnlGVs -
2016-02-10 at 1:46 AM UTCThe cringe factor is your employment at the Christian camp right? I wish (I actually don't, at all) that I had footage of the 15 months that I was in the Teen Challenge program about 7 or 8 years ago. I try really hard not to think of the way I was during that time, because I was fucking brain-washed to the max. I was, voluntarily, the Christian choir director, among many other things, including having sung solos in different worship songs on any given Sunday in whatever church we happened to be at. I led hundreds of group prayers and would wake up early before church to go to one of the rooms and just listen to worship music and dance and get weird, praising God with all my might. I attempted to speak in tongues on at least a baker's dozen worth of occasions. I went to the youth correctional center nearby our facility to preach to the kids the 'good news of Jesus Christ,' fucking etc I'm starting to feel pukey and I'm done talking about this.
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2016-02-10 at 1:49 AM UTC
The cringe factor is your employment at the Christian camp right? I wish (I actually don't, at all) that I had footage of the 15 months that I was in the Teen Challenge program about 7 or 8 years ago. I try really hard not to think of the way I was during that time, because I was fucking brain-washed to the max. I was, voluntarily, the Christian choir director, among many other things, including having sung solos in different worship songs on any given Sunday in whatever church we happened to be at. I led hundreds of group prayers and would wake up early before church to go to one of the rooms and just listen to worship music and dance and get weird, praising God with all my might. I attempted to speak in tongues on at least a baker's dozen worth of occasions. I went to the youth correctional center nearby our facility to preach to the kids the 'good news of Jesus Christ,' fucking etc I'm starting to feel pukey and I'm done talking about this.
I guess everything about it is just cringey. My involvement, doughnut singing about his balls, pastor not knowing what to do about it, you preaching a gospel message.
Let's face it we're all loser faggots on this big gay site. -
2016-02-10 at 1:49 AM UTCLol let's turn this into a christian site.
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2016-02-10 at 2:10 AM UTCSo sad. Thoughts and prayers.
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2016-02-10 at 2:35 AM UTC
The cringe factor is your employment at the Christian camp right? I wish (I actually don't, at all) that I had footage of the 15 months that I was in the Teen Challenge program about 7 or 8 years ago. I try really hard not to think of the way I was during that time, because I was fucking brain-washed to the max. I was, voluntarily, the Christian choir director, among many other things, including having sung solos in different worship songs on any given Sunday in whatever church we happened to be at. I led hundreds of group prayers and would wake up early before church to go to one of the rooms and just listen to worship music and dance and get weird, praising God with all my might. I attempted to speak in tongues on at least a baker's dozen worth of occasions. I went to the youth correctional center nearby our facility to preach to the kids the 'good news of Jesus Christ,' fucking etc I'm starting to feel pukey and I'm done talking about this.
You were much happier then, weren't you, though?
Have you ever considered joining a Buddhist organization? -
2016-02-10 at 3:07 AM UTC
You were much happier then, weren't you, though?
Have you ever considered joining a Buddhist organization?
I would not sacrifice my depression for that experience, ever again. -
2016-02-10 at 3:40 AM UTC
I would not sacrifice my depression for that experience, ever again.
I've thought about this a lot.
I actually consider joining a Buddhist group sometimes. -
2016-02-10 at 6:05 AM UTCI have thought of joining a Daoist temple in China. Western buddhism is not the buddhism of the monks and because of that I see it as an insincire interpretation. I could only call myself a buddhist or daoist or what have you if I felt I could authentically practice. I do not believe doing so is possible in the west or maybe even in this time period. Thats not to say that they should be disregarded but rather that nearly all practice of religion has been perverted in one way or another.
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2016-02-10 at 7:05 AM UTCWhen my first girlfriend dumped me I wanted to leave the US and join a Tibetan ashram. I'd found a flight two weeks out with an itinerary that stopped once in Denver before departing for China, and looked into booking a tour with a group that ventured close enough to the border that sly students and activists have been known to slip across into their embargoed neighbor. I even had chosen the temple, though all I remember now is that it was in a deep valley in a jungly part of the country, and they weren't known to accept strangers as monks who didn't speak the language unless they did a lot of menial work for a few years.
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2016-02-10 at 7:05 AM UTCAlso OP who are you?
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2016-02-10 at 7:23 AM UTC
Also OP who are you?
I'd like to know as well. -
2016-02-10 at 7:46 AM UTCIt's Tokerface.
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2016-02-10 at 7:47 AM UTC
The cringe factor is your employment at the Christian camp right? I wish (I actually don't, at all) that I had footage of the 15 months that I was in the Teen Challenge program about 7 or 8 years ago. I try really hard not to think of the way I was during that time, because I was fucking brain-washed to the max. I was, voluntarily, the Christian choir director, among many other things, including having sung solos in different worship songs on any given Sunday in whatever church we happened to be at. I led hundreds of group prayers and would wake up early before church to go to one of the rooms and just listen to worship music and dance and get weird, praising God with all my might. I attempted to speak in tongues on at least a baker's dozen worth of occasions. I went to the youth correctional center nearby our facility to preach to the kids the 'good news of Jesus Christ,' fucking etc I'm starting to feel pukey and I'm done talking about this.
Is this real, lol? -
2016-02-10 at 8:42 AM UTC
Is this real, lol?
Yes. I know. I just.... I know. I'm so sorry. Trust me. -
2016-02-10 at 1:08 PM UTCThat doesn't fit my picture of you at all. I like it. I would've thought that you were a rebel, probably started drinking early by the age of 11 or 12, big into vandalism and then you started breakdancing in which you excelled but didn't have the motivation and positive feedback by your family to follow your talents. That broke you. You kept drinking and degraded. You're still wearing the hat, though. Nobody did the headspin like you did and every once in awhile you put some Fatboy Slim in your tapedeck and get into that 2 step.
One two one two Huh! -
2016-02-10 at 2:37 PM UTCMy whole life. It's hard to put into words, but just the extraordinary number of false conclusions I draw... coupled with my general gullibility ('though I'm getting slightly better on that front)... and my social awkwardness. Yeah. I'm probably the cringiest being in existence.
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2016-02-10 at 2:54 PM UTC
My whole life. It's hard to put into words, but just the extraordinary number of false conclusions I draw… coupled with my general gullibility ('though I'm getting slightly better on that front)… and my social awkwardness. Yeah. I'm probably the cringiest being in existence.
Don't worry. The Sharpie incident was probably the worst part, right? That's pretty fucking common, though. When I was working in a hospital there was a dude who blew up an inflatable buttplug in his asshole. It ruptured his colon and really fucked him up. He survived. So did you. You're both faggots. Maybe I can hook you up.... yea, anyway. Mashlehash jerked off to you in drag. I think that was a low for both of you. I actually really hope it was. Fuck... -
2016-02-10 at 3 PM UTC
The Sharpie incident was probably the worst part, right?
Nope. Thinking people care about you. Getting trolled in elaborate ways IRL. It's gotten pretty bad for me. At least I'm capable of seeing that it happened though, I guess.Mashlehash jerked off to you in drag. I think that was a low for both of you. I actually really hope it was. Fuck…
I'm taking estrogen now, so technically "me in drag" is when I'm wearing whatever male clothes are. That's not a low for me... it's almost a high point in my life.
...♥ mash :3
