2020-02-13 at 3:08 AM UTC
Originally posted by Cheyes
No. Sobriety makes me want to kill myself more isntead of less now. I want to go on fucking suboxone tbqh but it's too much of a hassle so I'll just eat the retarded opiate weed. I'll probably start doing edibles again too because they help me sleep and I like feeling relaxed. I don't know, I feel like being on some kind of opiate maintenance could be helpful so I can start repairing my life without feeling the need to get fucked up all the time because I hate myself. That's what you're doing, right?
Yeah def recommend it. Im down to 13mg. Idk if i ever wouldve done it cold turkey, but then again i was doing dope for a reaaaaallllllyyy long time. Making the lateral move to a maintenance opioid is kinda last resort shit.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2020-02-13 at 3:15 AM UTC
And I’m so glad you did!💙
2020-02-13 at 3:16 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
It's crazy how much I manage to accomplish with all the things I have impeding me in my life
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2020-02-15 at 11:38 AM UTC
i feel like dogshit. Sponsor thinks its the methadone. I think im just a miserable fuck honestly. Found some dope and smelled the bag. Heated a bit on a knife so i could smell it. Like im okay most of the time but even as miserable as i was on H, there were moments where everything just kind if clicked. I felt not necessarily happiness but...idk....peace? I dont remember the last time i felt like that. My body fucking hurts. Forced myself to do a meeting thjs morning and one after work, but i really didnt get much out of it. Iwent for a walk even though my leg is fucking killing me, bc i watched a wes watson video this morning about not being a fucking bitch. But then i laughed thinking about spittingin his face and having his zen blissed out facade crumble bc everyone has a breaking point. A dude at work was talking a bunch if shit and i actually visualized how and where id need to let him hurt me before i could sink a box cutter into his stomach and do minimal jail time.
God im fucking tired.I think im going to quit the zoloft bc all it seems to do is make me shit my guts out for 3/4 of the day. And if i end up this mopey and fucked, why would i even put myself through that? Girl wanted togo out for Valentines day, but i just cant do it. Points to me though, my gut reaction was to start a fight so we wouldnt talk for a couple weeks,but i just told her i was sick.
i tried watching some movies about people with terminal illnesses finding meaning and acceptance and shit, and found myself theorizing about what the best terminal illness i should ask the universe for. I think i settled on gastric cancer. One of the cancer kids talked about making your own happiness so i smiled in the mirror for like 5 minutes and felt nothing just looked likea fat serial killer so i layed back down.
ugh. whatever. goodnight.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2020-02-15 at 1:34 PM UTC
Dregs
African Astronaut
[that freakishly double-edged allmouth]
Damn that was deep. On some level I can totally relate. On a more superficial plain..compared to whatever you is going through if you do kill any coworker(s)with a box cutter or other wise weapon(s)please before you get locked up cam it all and post the savagery for us all here? I know just surface stuff but it'll be good fapping material for those that fap to that shit.
Not that this has much value since I'm a unrepentent drunken sinner but hang in there and tight...Life I don't ever have to tell ya but will post is really a bummer man...and sometimes or a lot is fucked up beyond repair..so it may seem in our darkest hours but you have come this far in life...you ain't kill yoself, no one has killed ya...no near death bed shit going on right now...
those are all pretty good signs...you got something...whatever that is to live or maybe later die for...til than find shit even superficial stuff to get you through it. i can't recollect all the times i've had this feeling/vibes like you...due to obvious reasons but even if i were sober i probably wouldn't remember the times.
any ways chin up and smile. never lose your smile seriously...even if you fake it to make it...
now i won't have this much clarity in my life the next week or so..so i hope this helps ya. i know everyone story is different and sometimes worse than others but shit man you ain't alone...some of us know KNOW what you are going through and understand. GO TO THOSE PEOPLE! they can help you
now if you don't want the help like my sorry ass than cheers to that and all our misery
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2020-02-16 at 1:05 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
For the last month my gf has been hiding a hydromorphone addiction while chiding me about my own.
talk sick
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2020-02-16 at 1:33 AM UTC
It really sucks wanting to give people magic advice that you don't have and you know won't work anyway otherwise you'd use the same magic advice on yourself, but yet you still want to help.
2020-02-16 at 2:42 AM UTC
I think blanket generalizations about women only apply to the hot ones. Ugly ones don’t have the same advantage and can’t afford to act the same way
2020-02-16 at 2:46 AM UTC
No I mean that one guy was making a blanket generalization about women and you were like “my best friend is a woman and she doesn’t do that”. But she’s ugly, so it probably doesn’t apply. Is what I meant
