User Controls
The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
-
2020-01-26 at 4:44 AM UTCyesterday I had a phenomenal day all day, reconnected with someone, planned and plotted, had fun and aspired to do more. Only took percs until 5 oclock or so, then went to see my girlfriend knowing I was getting sick, did a lil bit and was still sick, tossed and turned all night, didn't want to break down and do drugs so I'd look over at her and think about her resigned sigh to me using drugs to fall asleep so I had a shit sleep and did half a pill the next morning when I went out to get her and the kid breakfast. Back in the cycle nahmean. Every day is another day to try to quit, just like smoking, just have to be ready
-
2020-01-26 at 5:54 AM UTC
Originally posted by AnomiesOffspring can i just pay you to live with me and beat the shit out of me when the time is right?
here's what i think i did right:
-deleted+blocked all connects
-got a second job walking dogs so i wouldn't be bored/would get at least some exercise
-picked up a few new hobbies/rehashed some old ones
-tried to make an actual irl friend. didnt work and was awkward but it felt good to try
first two weeks were surprisingly easy. midway through third week it was all i would think about when i wasn't preoccupied with something else.
all it took was a fucking pizza shop being late for me ask some homeless guy for some coke and here i am smoking crack 2 days later.
it's kind of ironic to prevent this behavior by forcing myself into healthy addictions to begin with
i need to re-think my next approach (and buy you a plane ticket)
I mean im not an expert. Im honestly aure why i havent gotten high. Bc theres still drugs and pills in jars and tins all over my room. it takes a lot of focus and visualization to realize that every time you get high isnt just a wasted day. Generally to get back on track, that day can mean months and years. And when it comes down to it, the things we crave from substances arent unique to drugs. Its just a quick and fast version of the pleasure and satisfaction and calm you get from having a life in order, balance, meaning, pride. If you had to experience the repercussions of that crack binge all at once, youd probablynever do it. But because the distance in relationships, the disappointment in yourself, the depressionm etc...all just slowly bob to the surface, we rarely feel what we’re actually doing to ourselves.
Your plans were good. But thats still just walls and no foundation. The foundation is not just being able to SAY why you are the way you are, but UNDERSTANDING it. If nothing else, i highly recommend answering the workbook questions and going over them with someone you trust. Im still not fully sold on NA as a whole, but the Step work is gold, Or at least for me it was. -
2020-01-26 at 6:19 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo yesterday I had a phenomenal day all day, reconnected with someone, planned and plotted, had fun and aspired to do more. Only took percs until 5 oclock or so, then went to see my girlfriend knowing I was getting sick, did a lil bit and was still sick, tossed and turned all night, didn't want to break down and do drugs so I'd look over at her and think about her resigned sigh to me using drugs to fall asleep so I had a shit sleep and did half a pill the next morning when I went out to get her and the kid breakfast. Back in the cycle nahmean. Every day is another day to try to quit, just like smoking, just have to be ready
Its good that youre at leasttrying. You might want to take something a little longer acting though. Its a lot harder to retrain behaviors when your brain is prodding you every 6 hours to scratch an invisible itch. -
2020-01-26 at 7:40 PM UTCmuch lower stakes but i’m back in full stoner mode again and i feel like a fuckin loser.
-
2020-01-26 at 7:41 PM UTCI am down to half a floor weed per day
Down from 1The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-26 at 7:44 PM UTC
Originally posted by WE SMOOTH much lower stakes but i’m back in full stoner mode again and i feel like a fuckin loser.
I always hated that. Every morning after a late night doing coke, I’d say to myself, I’m done, I’m never buying it again. As soon as I got off work, I was looking for more. Vicious fucking cycle. -
2020-01-26 at 7:46 PM UTC
Originally posted by Technologist I always hated that. Every morning after a late night doing coke, I’d say to myself, I’m done, I’m never buying it again. As soon as I got off work, I was looking for more. Vicious fucking cycle.
I think the solution is to never stop working so you dont have time to do or want drugs. -
2020-01-26 at 7:47 PM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I think the solution is to never stop working so you dont have time to do or want drugs.
If they didn't want me to snort lines of meth at work why was there a diaper changing table in the men's bathroom in the middle of a warehouse that was conveniently placed at nostril height when you sat at the toilet? -
2020-01-26 at 7:48 PM UTCI actually did keep myself busy to quit but I fell off the wagon many times till I finally said no more after having chest and back pains from it.
-
2020-01-26 at 10:03 PM UTC
Originally posted by WE SMOOTH much lower stakes but i’m back in full stoner mode again and i feel like a fuckin loser.
its obv not the end of the world but if it makes you unhappy and you feel like youre not in control- thats a problem. Why do you think you “need” something to get through the day? Boredom, anxiety, etc? What does it do for you thats so great that it makes you deal with feeling like a loser? -
2020-01-26 at 11:02 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER its obv not the end of the world but if it makes you unhappy and you feel like youre not in control- thats a problem. Why do you think you “need” something to get through the day? Boredom, anxiety, etc? What does it do for you thats so great that it makes you deal with feeling like a loser?
Sleep at night without wanting to kill myself? -
2020-01-26 at 11:24 PM UTCWhy would you want to kill yourself tho? You seem pretty happy with your life.
-
2020-01-26 at 11:47 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Why would you want to kill yourself tho? You seem pretty happy with your life.
I don't actually want to. If I did I'd have done it already.
But I have rampant insomnia that happens no matter my emotional state. When I went to Taiwan I had a fantastic day with breakfast on the beach, mountain climbing in the day, had a tallboy and lunch at the top, got a girls number on the train, came back down to the night markets and ate seafood and starfruit juice like a king for 5 dollars.
Then at night I still couldn't sleep. Exercise, fantastic day. Nope. So I went out and bought beer to get to sleep.
Never have that problem when im smoking weed. I also literally hallucinate when I'm sleep deprived so yeah it's easy to get pushed into a cycle of drug use.
Right now work has me pretty tired but even when i leave at 7, home by 7, and gotta be at work by 7 the next day, I still have trouble sleeping because bad brain???
Planning on getting weed Friday when i get paid. Because why not. If I just cycle through different addictions constantly it doesnt even count. Addiction loophole. Take 200 and pass GO. -
2020-01-26 at 11:48 PM UTCI have a picture from that day too and it's probably the happiest i look in any photo ever.
-
2020-01-27 at 12:19 AM UTCI used to think i had insomnia, but lately ive realized its a lot of subtle things im doing wrong. I dont know to be peaceful and relax. Im rarely truly calm. i always feel tight and in pain and uncomfortable. So either i was awake or completely comatose. I can be yawning,miserable, but ill choose to stay up until 5am watching a WWII documentary and then be pissed off and miserable when i have to be at work at 11. I guess ive always felt like night was “me time” and the only time i could get high and enjoy myself and not be botherred, so that way of thinking was sort of engrained. But now if i just lay down earlier and listen tostuff on my headphones, make a point to shut off all lights and other sounds, make sure my sheets are clean and not itchy, wash my face and oil my beard...i usuallyam able to get to sleep within an hour of me laying down.
So a lot of times its really subtle learned behaviors. It might be the same for you. -
2020-01-27 at 5:07 AM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I have a picture from that day too and it's probably the happiest i look in any photo ever.
post it you delightful little faggot and I will forever aspire to that level of happiness.
I fake smile for pictures and then when I see them I hate them because I can tell it's fake af, even if no one else canThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-27 at 10:21 AM UTCI fake smile for pictures because my life has been so full of shit that i never really learned how smile.
Trip on that shit lol
i just rarely smile. Its weird. sometimes ill catch myself grinning watching a funny video and its like how youd feel if you saw you had a second pair of eyelids in the mirror. -
2020-01-27 at 9:51 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER I fake smile for pictures because my life has been so full of shit that i never really learned how smile.
Trip on that shit lol
i just rarely smile. Its weird. sometimes ill catch myself grinning watching a funny video and its like how youd feel if you saw you had a second pair of eyelids in the mirror.
daaassss meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee -
2020-01-28 at 2:34 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER I fake smile for pictures because my life has been so full of shit that i never really learned how smile.
Trip on that shit lol
i just rarely smile. Its weird. sometimes ill catch myself grinning watching a funny video and its like how youd feel if you saw you had a second pair of eyelids in the mirror.
You rarely smile? I feel sorry for you nigga.
I have regular cheek to cheek smiles... If u kno what i mean ;))) -
2020-01-28 at 3:19 AM UTC
