2017-01-21 at 2:58 AM UTC
ghis gonna best day of my life, my lieeffe
2017-01-21 at 4:23 AM UTC
once i had sex with a girl when i was 19 and the lights were off and when the lights got turned back on and i finished and pulled out the condom was on the other side of the room. no clue how that happened since we were sober and the sex wasn't even particularly crazy
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2017-01-21 at 4:34 AM UTC
I once had sex with this older woman and I turned the lights on and it was my grandma and I was like ok just making sure and then I turned the lights back off and took her to pound town
2017-01-21 at 12:56 PM UTC
I haven't had sex since I was 19 years old.
2017-01-24 at 4:06 PM UTC
I haven't had sex in months. I've masturbated so much that the guys on the X-ray at the airport said I should consult a doctor before boarding the plane because the low pressure could rip the fracture of my dick causing it to rocket out of my pants and across the plane and through the hull, perforating a hole and creating a vacuum that would suck everyone out of the plane and to their deaths. They also checked my phone looking for a porn cache of epic proportions but found only a couple of memes and pictures of food. They looked at me like I was some kind of freak.
2017-01-24 at 8:31 PM UTC
I'm famous on the internet for buzz killington.
2017-01-24 at 8:54 PM UTC
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, i'm goin in
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
What did the condom say to the dick?
Leave me alone, I have an important test tomorrow and I need to get some sleep, not to mention Mr. Trunkles always puts a particularly weird essay question on there and I haven't even fucking studied for it, and if I don't get a passing grade my mom isn't gonna let me go to the dance on Saturday and I'll break Elizabeth's heart, it's the only chance I have with her really, plus this new box-spring mattress I have I think has a defect or some shit because my back has been really sore so that's obviously not gonna help anything and I'm just really stressed out right now and don't need to keep adding any more bullshit to my plate so again I'm just kindly asking you to fuck off for the sake of all things decent and as a good friend and hope and assume that you will understand and respect my wishes. Thank you.
