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being a fucking artist, "to discover the mode of life or of art whereby your spirit could express itself in unfettered freedom"
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2019-11-28 at 5:49 AM UTCi read the book, it was driving me crazy not to. i had to know what it was about and if it was authentic and it was. and i spent a lot of long days languishing on the balcony smoking and letting the alienation soak into our over aged emo kid skulls with my old and my new neighbors. i made friends with some of them and discovered they are just as i am, only different. we worship satan and the used and our self destruction. dropping out of school and burning bridges. been celibate because you can't pick out a goddamn lover like you go pick out a fucking new hoodie (???) and remain authentic. but some people are born to be artists, poets, engineers, autodidacts, readers, feelers of emotion. and some are born to fake it or just use the works of those more creative than them to distract themselves from their own failure at fitting in with the "normies" who have normal colored shoelaces, wear peacoats (what is that awful shit trend anyways?), and are a safe bet to show to your fake friends. but it's all fake and unauthentic and anyone with heart or mind can see through it. we don't even need to try, it just appears that way naturally.
but to make the conscious decision to abandon that mode of thinking and of life for one of convenience and comfort? we're all headed towards the dirt anyways, and long before we get there, we are going to have rotted teeth and brains and livers. the physical aspects of our bodies can only take so many puking sessions, so many lungfuls of smoke or vapors or meth, so many stoned cookie and cake binges, our knees can only take so many rock impacts. we're headed towards death or psychosis, and there is no other way out, no matter how bad you want it.
choosing to bury your head in the sand is reprehensible. and yea i know i've been guilty of doing things in a similar vain, but to purposefully take that permanent step and say "yes, i don't want to feel it, give me a fucking tv and cake, i'm done trying" is.....i just don't understand it. it's not something i am capable of. i need unfettered freedom, authentic freedom, and even if it's impossible, then trying to obtain it will be my thing. your demons make you real. YOUR DEMONS MAKE YOU REAL. if you have nothing to struggle against you have nothing to say.
but forever i will exist in one small corner of the universe as nothing more than a meme of that angsty feeling you get before you stuff yourself full of cake and die of something dumb after your life has been dragged out longer than is reasonable. at least until time catches up and the reaper standing quietly in the corner of the party comes after you. maybe you will see him coming from months or years out and have time to contemplate it. i wonder what that feels like.
anyways. -
2019-11-28 at 11:36 AM UTC
Originally posted by OG_GREENPLASTIC_JOHNSON_III i read the book, it was driving me crazy not to. i had to know what it was about and if it was authentic and it was. and i spent a lot of long days languishing on the balcony smoking and letting the alienation soak into our over aged emo kid skulls with my old and my new neighbors. i made friends with some of them and discovered they are just as i am, only different. we worship satan and the used and our self destruction. dropping out of school and burning bridges. been celibate because you can't pick out a goddamn lover like you go pick out a fucking new hoodie (???) and remain authentic. but some people are born to be artists, poets, engineers, autodidacts, readers, feelers of emotion. and some are born to fake it or just use the works of those more creative than them to distract themselves from their own failure at fitting in with the "normies" who have normal colored shoelaces, wear peacoats (what is that awful shit trend anyways?), and are a safe bet to show to your fake friends. but it's all fake and unauthentic and anyone with heart or mind can see through it. we don't even need to try, it just appears that way naturally.
but to make the conscious decision to abandon that mode of thinking and of life for one of convenience and comfort? we're all headed towards the dirt anyways, and long before we get there, we are going to have rotted teeth and brains and livers. the physical aspects of our bodies can only take so many puking sessions, so many lungfuls of smoke or vapors or meth, so many stoned cookie and cake binges, our knees can only take so many rock impacts. we're headed towards death or psychosis, and there is no other way out, no matter how bad you want it.
choosing to bury your head in the sand is reprehensible. and yea i know i've been guilty of doing things in a similar vain, but to purposefully take that permanent step and say "yes, i don't want to feel it, give me a fucking tv and cake, i'm done trying" is…..i just don't understand it. it's not something i am capable of. i need unfettered freedom, authentic freedom, and even if it's impossible, then trying to obtain it will be my thing. your demons make you real. YOUR DEMONS MAKE YOU REAL. if you have nothing to struggle against you have nothing to say.
but forever i will exist in one small corner of the universe as nothing more than a meme of that angsty feeling you get before you stuff yourself full of cake and die of something dumb after your life has been dragged out longer than is reasonable. at least until time catches up and the reaper standing quietly in the corner of the party comes after you. maybe you will see him coming from months or years out and have time to contemplate it. i wonder what that feels like.
anyways.
Your struggles will strengthen you, I promise. I’m glad to see you posting OG, I know you’re going through a lot of self inflection, I know taking these “deep, hard” looks at the true you, can be painful. But,,,,,,,,,,,,taking these perspectives means you are moving forward. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it, but you are!
Good to see ya dude!💙<————I know you hate emotes, deal with it😁
