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HTS raped on latest SVU
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2019-11-07 at 4:31 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER It looks like a lot written down, but spoken at normal speed, thats only like two minutes. a 10 minute set, and youve still got a ton going on.
I was considering trimming paragraph 3 and 5 but then it just seems like a knock knock joke.
It's not about the length, it's about the economy of words. The initial setup works. The punchline is decent.
The 3rd and 5th paragraph are just in the way. The 3rd is funny but it breaks the flow massively, 5th feels disjointed. You can use them to lead into the joke, rather than in the middle, like "I've think I've always been jealous... Gets me thinking, if a straight man...so I was talking to my gay friend online the other day" and trim them to be sharper jokes.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-11-07 at 4:39 PM UTCIt started off with 3rd paragraph trying to segue into it, but the way I had it then just felt very forced. 5th paragraph was something id just jotted down in the margins of the notebook, and decided to add after the fact. Good shit though. Definitely need feedback if i ever do any of these anywhere.
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2019-11-07 at 4:43 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER I dont know where exactly its written, but it went something like this:
*****So i was talking to a gay friend online a few months ago and he was like "man im in such a rut. I need to get fucking laid." And i said "Whats stopping you?". And living out in the midwest, apparently the "scene" is not quite as "happening". He says "all the guys out here are little feminine twink faggots". He wants his dick sucked by a REAL man. I had no idea there were such complicated gay politics. So I say, "Why not just go to a bath house?" and he says "Um…..what?"
And its at this point that I realize…my gay friend has never been to a gay bathhouse.
I think Ive always been a bit jealous. Being a gay man just sounds like the greatest party ive never been invited to. Being able to fuck pretty much whenever you want? As a man, generally youve got to play it cool. Youve got to put a leash on that animal. If we articulated all the disgusting, perverse, borderline psychotic fantasies we have to most women, they would start armed gangs in the community. The Pink Panthers. We only get as gross and awful as we think you'll let us be. If youre gay though- there's no such hindrance. Want someone to waterboard you with piss while shoving 2 whole bags on jumbo marshmallows into your gaped asshole? Oh…THATS ON THE MENU, BOI. Someone will oblige you.
So he has never even HEARD of a bath house. I tell him…its just this establishment where gay men come, and its like a spa…except there are very different massages and facials going on. "Its basically gay disneyland" I say. (I mightve been overselling it). I tell him theres just rooms, and men lay in there jerking off with the door open, and then if you like what you see, you just walk in and dock dicks or whatever. He is CONVINCED i am playing a mean homophobic prank on him- baiting him with visions of lithe, rock hard, naked men walking through clouds of hot steamy steam. So for the record- apparently just by living on the West Coast, im actually more gay by osmosis- than a man who actually has sex with other men.
Gets me thinking. If one- A VERY VERY STRAIGHT MAN- were to walk into one such establishment for a one time only beej…would that make them a gay? Would I…he…even make it in the door? Is there a secret handshake? Specially trained dogs to sniff your asshole as you enter, to check for semen? These are questions worth asking.
So I go online and google search "gay bath house, Milwaukee" (for the first time. I swear). And lo and behold….there is such an establishment almost WALKING distance from him. (With a 4 star Yelp review I might add). I call the place and ask their hours and membership costs, and tell him where it is. He says hes going to head there in a few minutes, and thanks me. I go on with my day, proud of the kind of gay ally ive grown to be.
Eventually a few days passed and I saw him online again. I ask how everything went. He tells me he walked in to the place, but didnt go through with it. "Nerves?" I ask. "Cold feet?". "No" he says. "The place was just kind of grungy looking and sketchy. The lobby had these big old dusty green curtains from the 1970s…"
So BASICALLY…..he went to a place that he knew smelled like windex and cum, expecting to get stuffed full of anonymous cock, and passed up on an orgy because the decor wasn't on point.
And that, my friends……………………is the GAYEST possible ending to this story.****
I was pretty proud of this one. I think its actually ready for performing. Its had a few iterations.
This is a joke that would need a particular type of delivery. Cuz it's not really a joke, it's just a series of funny miny jokes within a comical overall story, with your little side thoughts (like how are you going to deliver your typed parenthetical thoughts?) You should record yourself delivering it so I can JUDGE YOU. -
2019-11-07 at 4:55 PM UTC
Originally posted by mmQ This is a joke that would need a particular type of delivery. Cuz it's not really a joke, it's just a series of funny miny jokes within a comical overall story, with your little side thoughts (like how are you going to deliver your typed parenthetical thoughts?) You should record yourself delivering it so I can JUDGE YOU.
I might actually do that. Im my head it sounded way more organic than it does in writing. -
2019-11-07 at 5 PM UTCI need to go comb through my books and see whats worth working on.
first line:
"Real men dont rape? Tell that to the Vikings."
OH LOOK AT MR CHISELED WITH HIS BIG AXE ALL DRAPED IN ANIMAL SKINS. LOOK AT YOU, JUST BURNING AND PILLAGING AND RAPING MEN IN FRONT OF THEIR FAMILIES TO DENY THEM ENTRANCE TO VALHALLA. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO RAISE 3 CHILDREN ALONE, GET YOUR GED AND RUN AN ETSY STORE ALL BY YOURSELF. YOURE JUST A BIG VEINY DICK. WHICH I GUESS IS SORT OF APROPOS...BUT YOURE STILL A GARBAGE HUMAN BEAN.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-11-07 at 5:05 PM UTCSee I want to hear you say apropros out loud because I'm picturing it being really cringey, lol, with all due respek.
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2019-11-07 at 5:09 PM UTC
Originally posted by mmQ See I want to hear you say apropros out loud because I'm picturing it being really cringey, lol, with all due respek.
That wasnt part of the notebook i just freestyled that yo. And it was supposed to be cringey. Its supposed to be the type of LIBRUL who marches around and recites slogans like above. -
2019-11-07 at 5:12 PM UTCI like to believe you can pull it off because I know you're funny but then again I've never heard your voice. Or maybe I have on Tc but I dont remember what it sounds like either way.
Not that I'm like in any position to be judgey so I dont know why I am but I am oddly intrigued by this and I genuinely want to know how youd sound doing these bits. Do you sound like Norm MacDonald? -
2019-11-07 at 5:28 PM UTCHe has a very kind of old-timey voice. Like an old radio guy. I dont think I have any specific kind of voice, but ive watched enough comedy to get the rhythm and cadence down. If theres a time today when I can comfortably record me talking about gay jizz and buttholes, ill post here.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
