2019-09-16 at 3:23 AM UTC
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
Good morning fellas.
(yeah I know I am starting early but just go with it. I got a big day and wanted to start early.)
So yeah...
You might have heard today is a big day for me.
1st I got to go to a stomach doctor and this particular doctor I haven't seen in 10 years.
So the hep c in me just been mutating and multiplying inside me for 10 years unchecked.
Appointment is at 9:15 in the morning too so I am gonna be a tired cranky bitch.
My stomach has really been hurting painfully and bad pretty much everyday (usually morning) for idk... a couple years???
Anyways I hope the fact I have the shits 10 to 20 times a day everyday and all the stomach pain is probably nothing and in no way connected to my hepatitis.
My bipolar has been outta control lately and I am finding it harder and harder to protect my character as I am constantly changing behaviors and thoughts.
So yeah... The stomach doctor for hep c who gonna charge me $60 copay and say go get blood tests and ultra sounds and probably wants to stick a camera inside me too.
(That's why I stopped going last time. I was scared of being put under and having a camera in me but I have done that once before now at the hospital and am no longer as scared.)
Then there is work.
I was being a bipolar egomaniac at work the other day and wrote a bunch of rambling down the the QC sheets basically treating it as a Fona-thread and I did it cuz I knew people would have to read it but I forgot they was going to have opinions on it and even though I read what I wrote probably 10 times I am still scared my impulsive bipolar wandering mind might have wrote shit that gets picked up the wrong way and me in trouble.
I got suspended for the same shit earlier this year and told I would lose my job if I did it again.
I didnt directly write so and so need to go to concentration camps and be re-educated like i did on the last ones but I was still whining like a little bitch,
So now I have had anxiety all weekend basically have just sat here at the computer and according to Shell "been acting weird"
Well I am just really on edge cuz I am afraid I may have jeopardized not only my job but my health and I will begin the process of cleaning up my health once again.
TBH if I had my mind right in the first place I probably would have made this appointment a lot sooner but even after 2 years of being sober I still been telling myself "It's totally normal for it to feel like someone is hitting you in the stomach with a hot frying pan and shitting a dozen times every morning while fighting off not throwing up.
Some days are worse than others and it usually clears up after a couple hurs of being awake.
But anyways I just been telling myself its been acute withdrawal symptoms but now I am thinking maybe its something else....
I dont think any withdrawal symptoms persist after 2 years.
And omg guys I have had a lot of drug dreams the last few months.
Maybe I am just having more cuz I dont pass out drunk anymore.
But either way I go through them now and waking up from one of those can really funk up a morning.
I got some bills paid this weekend so thats good but I have so much more I should have done.
I need a haircut and a shave.
I need to clean up my act.
But instead I fucked around jacking off and playing minecraft, posting on NIS and totally avoiding any and all thoughts that deal with responsibilities all while feeling an overwhelming sense of doom slowly approaching that is bound to twist turn my life upside down.
A lot could happen today,
A lot could go wrong.
I am crossing my fingers.
I wont ever do it again (I said last time).
and here I sit like a fucking idiot who cant seem to keep his mouth in check.
Got to pay a price now.
I hope my skizo behavior can flip it all around so I look like a good guy but i dunno what they will be thinking until I get there.
Time for a mind game ya'll
Wish me luck.
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2019-09-16 at 3:51 AM UTC
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
I am so freaked out inside.
2019-09-16 at 3:59 AM UTC
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
I am just going to stand up straight and take it like a man.
And as for work, I may not always be able to agree with myself but if i did something I did do it and I should at least have my own back. I can't be letting myself down.
But I also got to know boundaries and being an edgelord to the HR department isn't good.
2019-09-16 at 11:47 AM UTC
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
Good morning everyone.
I have started my day.
Time to get ready to go see the doctor
2019-09-16 at 11:54 AM UTC
What did you write on the qc sheets
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
imagine a rambling fona-thread that doesn't really go anywhere but sounds like a complaint.
2019-09-16 at 12:02 PM UTC
I might have to get that hep off you, fam.
2019-09-16 at 12:24 PM UTC
Fona,
You’ve got to get your impulsivity in control. If not it’s going to be a problem for you all your life.
2019-09-16 at 12:31 PM UTC
There are those you have to appease in order to remain a productive citizen, your bosses/job is one of them.
Do you receive psychiatric care?
2019-09-16 at 12:35 PM UTC
I’m not saying you need to be on meds, although they have some good bipolar meds now. Behavior modification could help.
2019-09-16 at 1:02 PM UTC
Originally posted by Fonaplats
imagine a rambling fona-thread that doesn't really go anywhere but sounds like a complaint.
I have no idea
Every time I close my eyes i see plantessi
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
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2019-09-16 at 1:25 PM UTC
I bet you moan during the colonoscopy
