Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
For instance. I went to the bank and got a direct deposit form to turn into work. I turned it in today. The date on it was 2/14 Why did it take me almost 6 months??? It took me 6 months because I don't know the people in the office (separate building) and I felt intimidated. I don't know who exactly works in the office but I know they are important. I work out in the shop where I know where everything is and what my job is. I feel comfy there. I get anxiety even thinking about going to the office. I dont even know where the bathroom is in the office.
Another thing is that today at work the guy I was working with was really pissing me off (has nothing to do with the fact he is black). So basically he was just really high on marijuana when he came to work and it made my day harder as he fell behind almost immediately then something else happened... We was working and we are both packaging different parts. Each part has its own upc sticker for it. He is doing 1 part and I am doing the other part when he reaches over and grabs my upc stickers, pulls them over to him and starts putting them on his parts. I was all like "WTF man?" And he just looked at me and then peeled the stickers back off and tried to hand them to me all curled up. He then repeatedly giggled and said "I'm so high" giggle giggle "Im so high" This pisses me off because it has been happening often. Yesterday he was working down-line from me and was clearing all the parts I was passing him off the table before they had time to cool (it was a cooling table). Did it matter if they was not cool when he packed them??? No it did not. But he was doing it so he could play on his phone for a while, rush and clear table, play on for more. The day before that he had to switch places with another co-worker because he couldn't handle a hot glue-gun. The reason all this really bugs me is because it makes my day harder and also I do quality control sometimes and it makes me look really bad when work trusts me with the responsibility of "quality control" and I see these things and do not do anything about it. So when I got home tonight I got on FB and told my supervisoe "I need a break from working with the individual" And when my supervisor asked me why I simply replied "He doesn't work good when he is high" IDK... Maybe I am a hypocrite... All I know is I do it for medical reasons and it doesn't interfere (much) with my job.
Other things that get to me too much... Going to work. I get soooo super duper down on the car ride to work. Chelle always tells me to quit moaning and whining. I dont like going to work. Going to work really flares up my malaise and it damn near feels like it is gonna take me out sometimes. Once I am at work and out of the car I am totally fine. I think it is just that when I get out of the car I start to feel fine again because I at that point just wanna get the day over with so I can get back in the car.
Other things that are bothering me is my bipolar.
I dont think Chelle likes me being all over her all the time but she is just so beautiful to me. I don't like when she talks loud tho cuz I am right here you dont have to yell.
Fun fact: She lurks and reads my posts.
I love you Chelle. You are the love of my life <3
Anyways....
My beautiful and lovely GF Chelle bought me a filing cabinet yesterday at the thrift store. Now I got to put my files in it but it is giving me tons of anxiety because I have never put all my files together all organized and shit... I get the concept. I am confident I can file stuff. I might not file the best... I never filed anything every b4. This is like adult stuff like responsible stuff and I am 29 years old and have never once had a spot to put my files and have them organized. It blows my mind that I can have everything "on file" in my filing cabinet.
I feel retarded sometimes when it comes to doing things for the first time. I have had so many firsts this year too. In all honesty I never got very far from being a drunk/junkie.
Here I am at 29 years old crippled with anxiety about the thought that if I grab a sharpie and start labeling the file folders that my hand writing will look like crap or worse, a misspelled word.
Oh the fuck well. Past is the past and Im in the now. Cant change a yesterday.
Hate. I hate a lot of shit and sometimes I just wanna kill a bunch of people indiscriminately because of it. I can not watch or read the news without feeling enraged. The world is such a fucked up place when you get woked up bout it. I hate the fact I hate everything I hate.
I dont hear so good anymore. Working around loud shit for the last 13 years had really dulled my ears. When I am at work I very often do not hear what people are telling me. People will call my name but I wont know until they run up behind me and ask why I am ignoring them. I can't have conversations with everyone at work because it is just impossible for me to make out what people with certain voices are trying to say. All I hear is bits and mumbles. Sometimes I guess an appropriate response and its obvious to them then that I didn't hear a damn thing they said. It sucks just not getting to know certain people because you cant hear their little pussy voices. Its like trying to talk to a librarian at a monster truck show.
It is after 3am and I have to be at work in like 12 hours. I hope everything goes smooth tomorrow so I can go about barricading myself in my house this weekend and having a show down with the fucking police.
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
I need to reset my computer or learn who to turn off notifications on windows 10. I accidently hit enable notifications on something and half the time i try to close it and when I click it opens up a website. I am pretty sure its all bad.
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
Kinda wouldn't mind playing spades on arcadia or some runescape this weekend or PUBG. So much to do tho. I got to get these files filed. I think I will start on it tomorrow.
Fonaplats
victim of incest
[daylong jump-start that nome]
Originally posted by Fonaplats
I hope everything goes smooth tomorrow so I can go about barricading myself in my house this weekend and having a show down with the fucking police.
When they shoot in tear gas start jacking off in the window.
