User Controls
back on drugs
-
2019-05-23 at 6:24 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian I fucking hate Cocaine. I have no kidneys left cause of the shit.
I just want to deepthroat a shotgun but I'm too vain to blow away this masterpiece.
You have no kidneys left because you made consistent, conscious decisions to abuse the drug for a very long time.
If you had Only consumed a gram a month... you would probably be fine. -
2019-05-23 at 6:32 PM UTC
-
2019-05-23 at 6:36 PM UTC
Originally posted by WellHung You have no kidneys left because you made consistent, conscious decisions to abuse the drug for a very long time.
If you had Only consumed a gram a month… you would probably be fine.
Lol it's rare to find anyone that does "a gram a month" you either have it once every blue moon or fucking loads every week/2 weeks/ month. I'm honestly done now I cba with it. -
2019-05-23 at 6:55 PM UTCSeriously though. My body is also completely fucked. My kidneys feel like someone took a sledgehammer to my back in the morning (not an exaggeration). Ive squandered a lot of opportunities. My friends are all either scumbags or in prison or dead. I had to move home at 27. Aside from LSD and Mushrooms and other select psychedelics, very little good came of using drugs.
Ofc it was really nice having something when i was stressed or pissed off or depressed...that i could just do and immediately not have to deal with my brain for a while. But all it did was buy me a reprieve for a few hours at a time. At the end, it was just the calm that i wanted. I actually hated the nod. I just used heroin like a cigarette to calm down for a few min. But when id start nodding and drooling and having to rewind the same movie over and over again- id get really annoyed. Which is funny bc thats exactly what addiction is. Its doing the same thing over and over and over again, thinking "Ill get it THIS time".
If someone actually still gets something out of getting high, more power to em. But for me, itd be like trying to move forward, going the wrong way down a conveyor belt. You might feel like youre going somewhere, you might get ahead a little bit, but something is always going to be dragging you back. Its fucking scary how easy it is to lose track of time, to believe you still have time to get your shit together. Being 25 and 27 and 30 is way too old for this shit. I hate the feeling. I hate feeling guilty afterwards. I hate the waste of money. I hate the people i had to deal with, and how much it isolates you.
I could be wrong, but it feels like theres zero reason to do it anymore.
The ONLY thing i miss at all is the money. And it was more about the peace of mind and confidence and calm and feeling of accomplishment that came with it. -
2019-05-23 at 7:30 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Seriously though. My body is also completely fucked. My kidneys feel like someone took a sledgehammer to my back in the morning (not an exaggeration). Ive squandered a lot of opportunities. My friends are all either scumbags or in prison or dead. I had to move home at 27. Aside from LSD and Mushrooms and other select psychedelics, very little good came of using drugs.
Ofc it was really nice having something when i was stressed or pissed off or depressed…that i could just do and immediately not have to deal with my brain for a while. But all it did was buy me a reprieve for a few hours at a time. At the end, it was just the calm that i wanted. I actually hated the nod. I just used heroin like a cigarette to calm down for a few min. But when id start nodding and drooling and having to rewind the same movie over and over again- id get really annoyed. Which is funny bc thats exactly what addiction is. Its doing the same thing over and over and over again, thinking "Ill get it THIS time".
If someone actually still gets something out of getting high, more power to em. But for me, itd be like trying to move forward, going the wrong way down a conveyor belt. You might feel like youre going somewhere, you might get ahead a little bit, but something is always going to be dragging you back. Its fucking scary how easy it is to lose track of time, to believe you still have time to get your shit together. Being 25 and 27 and 30 is way too old for this shit. I hate the feeling. I hate feeling guilty afterwards. I hate the waste of money. I hate the people i had to deal with, and how much it isolates you.
I could be wrong, but it feels like theres zero reason to do it anymore.
The ONLY thing i miss at all is the money. And it was more about the peace of mind and confidence and calm and feeling of accomplishment that came with it.
Well said. I'm just....so fucking done with it all. -
2019-05-23 at 7:43 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Seriously though. My body is also completely fucked. My kidneys feel like someone took a sledgehammer to my back in the morning (not an exaggeration). Ive squandered a lot of opportunities. My friends are all either scumbags or in prison or dead. I had to move home at 27. Aside from LSD and Mushrooms and other select psychedelics, very little good came of using drugs.
Ofc it was really nice having something when i was stressed or pissed off or depressed…that i could just do and immediately not have to deal with my brain for a while. But all it did was buy me a reprieve for a few hours at a time. At the end, it was just the calm that i wanted. I actually hated the nod. I just used heroin like a cigarette to calm down for a few min. But when id start nodding and drooling and having to rewind the same movie over and over again- id get really annoyed. Which is funny bc thats exactly what addiction is. Its doing the same thing over and over and over again, thinking "Ill get it THIS time".
If someone actually still gets something out of getting high, more power to em. But for me, itd be like trying to move forward, going the wrong way down a conveyor belt. You might feel like youre going somewhere, you might get ahead a little bit, but something is always going to be dragging you back. Its fucking scary how easy it is to lose track of time, to believe you still have time to get your shit together. Being 25 and 27 and 30 is way too old for this shit. I hate the feeling. I hate feeling guilty afterwards. I hate the waste of money. I hate the people i had to deal with, and how much it isolates you.
I could be wrong, but it feels like theres zero reason to do it anymore.
The ONLY thing i miss at all is the money. And it was more about the peace of mind and confidence and calm and feeling of accomplishment that came with it.
Casper, So you believe that Lanny does not run this forum for altruistic reasons... he only does it to power trip, and for status?👍 -
2019-05-23 at 8:12 PM UTC
-
2019-05-23 at 8:14 PM UTC
Originally posted by WellHung Casper, So you believe that Lanny does not run this forum for altruistic reasons… he only does it to power trip, and for status?👍
Wut? Where did you get that out of anything i said?
I think he does it out of boredom, and because hes the only one with the experience and inbitiative to do it in the first place.
ANyone who gets a feeling of "status" out of Adminning some half dead forum offshoot of an offshoot of an offshoot...is pathetic af. -
2019-05-23 at 8:15 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Remember that feeling next time someones like "lets grab a bag!". Next time you want to do coke, for each line you have to snort a line of concrete first. Dat aversion therapy.
I was meaning to ask for some advice of sorts. Alcohol seems to be a big trigger so the less I have the better. That back pain I can get from just alcohol alone. How old are you now Casper. Do you still drink. What are your triggers and how long have you been sober for? -
2019-05-23 at 8:29 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian I was meaning to ask for some advice of sorts. Alcohol seems to be a big trigger so the less I have the better. That back pain I can get from just alcohol alone. How old are you now Casper. Do you still drink. What are your triggers and how long have you been sober for?
Turn 31 in less than a month. Idk if i call being on methadone the same thing as sober, but i havent done any drugs since Halloween last year. I rarely drink as it is, but im still deciding if that's something i "should" do. I drank a few bottles of wine and vodka Christmas night, and i dont think i drank since. Was just never really my thing- esp drinking alone. My triggers are really just stress, anxiety, anger. -
2019-05-23 at 8:48 PM UTC
-
2019-05-23 at 9:04 PM UTC"The night is dark and very tempting"
