I was out taking a shallow bag of trash to the dumpster at my apartments. And I see some old fat lady like 50 feet away in shorts (its cold as hell, and I know she doesn't even live there cause where I live its only two buildings and no one like here would live here.) and a university of texas t-shirt. walking around in the alley by a tree. I don't pay much attention to her until I notice she is standing there just gawking at me, his her hands on her hips, and I keep trying to ignoring her as I'm walking towards the dumpster.. but she's still obviously just staring at me with her mouth all slack jawed...
and I look at her and smile and say "hey how ya doin?!" just trying to be a sweetie man to senior citizens. And she's like "theez are my nutz! you go somewhere else!" and I'm like "lol I thought you were feeding a kitty kat" and she's like "whuut?" and It clicked to me she thought my bag of trash was full of pecans. And she was like "you aren't coming to take the rest of these are you?" and I honestly thought she was joking so I said "ooooh yeaaah, I have a buddy who's meeting me right here in ten minutes and we're taking them all, lolz!"
so she says "i'll fuck you up!" and I'm like "wooooah" and start laughing and she's just still giving me the evil eye. So i realize the's serious..
And I said look do you want the rest of deez nuts? and she said "yeaah" so i toss the bag in the dumpster (she's still like thirty feet away) and she yells "noooooo!" and I get in my car and leave.
As I'm driving around my neighborhood I see all these old dudes and illegal aliens (probably her beta-orbiters or isolated incidences of picking up nuts) picking up nuts.
Now I have to worry about getting bullied and my tires slashed by these old whipper snappers
