2019-05-13 at 4:27 AM UTC
Are why I'll never swim in a lake/river/pond.
2019-05-13 at 4:39 AM UTC
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2019-05-13 at 4:41 AM UTC
Nah really you gotta be a weak cuck to avoid bodies of waters for that reason. They are rare if ever to actually snap on ya. Most people dont swim on rivers anyway and that's where Mort of them are. Lakes you're way safer. But ul8tmatelt your totally safe. And at the end of the day a little cute snapping turtle bites your tummy and you scream OUCHIES! and then get over it in 5 seconds and have a story to tell.
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2019-05-13 at 6:21 AM UTC
Dude, as long as you dont fuck with them they arent just gonna come up and attack you.
Shit, Ive swam in lakes and rivers with gators, manatees, and dolphins (the latter two being in rivers that flowed out from fresh water springs). Ive also swam in springs that had dozens and dozens of snakes (cotton mouths) swimming across and sunning on the rocks around the spring.
In the spring you dont really have to worry about reptiles like gators, snakes and turtles fucking with you. The water is 68F degrees. That is really cold and their body will shut down really quickly if they stay in it too long so when they are in there they are just passing through or cooling down. They aren't gonna be looking for a fight. They don't want to be fucked with and will only fuck with you IF you fuck with them. Ive had hours of fun swimming around gators, snakes, snapping turtles and all sorts of critters with no issue. Now in the warm water of the river, I would be concerned about the gators, and would refrain from getting in especially since its murky but the springs are crystal clear all the way to the bottom of just beautiful blue water.
When I was in this crystal clear water of this river that was fed by a spring, I had a momma manager swim up with her baby calf. I ran out and swam with them and fed them bread and lettuce. I also was stoned as fuck. She had these terrible wounds on her back from boat props hitting her. I dumped a shit load of triple antibiotic ointment on them and it did seem to stick and stay... Maybe it helped? Lol I was stoned so maybe not... But I tried. Its the thought that counts, right?
Her calf tried to nurse up my skirt and she let me grab her flipper and she swam me out to the center of the river and then back to shore lmfao. It was so cool. She knew what she was doing. It was fun and cool to be able to let this 2,000lb water mammal tow me around. She could have got rid of me in a second if she wanted but she wanted to play eat and talk with us. There were lots of snapping turtles around sunning on fallen trees, the shore, and rocks. They didnt fuck with us and dove in the water if we got too close.
The dolphins came up the river during low tide chasing a school of fish. It was cool to watch. One came swimming around me as they left. Another cool experience.
All those occasions Ive seen and dealt with venemous snakes and turtles. One thing about turtles... They taste good and make awesome soup. Snakes taste good too. Sorta like chicken. Their skin is cool to do shit with if youre into that and have the time to dry and cure it.
2019-05-13 at 6:26 AM UTC
One thing you should know about water moccasins/cotton mouths is that if they get over 6foot long they get VERY aggressive and territorial. They WILL CHASE your ass. Fuck worrying about turtles, worry about moccasins. They aren't always in or around water but they do prefer it. If you see them there usually is a pond, lake, river, or creek within a couple miles.
Dont be a pussy. Turtles arent that bad and you shouldn't worry about them withs going swimming. Catch their ass and make turtle soup.
2019-05-13 at 4:43 PM UTC
Whats the best tool for snapping a turtle?
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2019-05-14 at 1:59 PM UTC
tee hee hee
Naturally Camouflaged
[slangily complete this slumberer]
Its all fun and games until they snap and rip off a toe or finger or something.
2019-05-14 at 2:19 PM UTC
I love turtles! Hurrr 🐢🐢🐣🐑🐑
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2019-05-14 at 2:24 PM UTC
Its not the bite from the turtle that will get you (although they can tear off a good chunk of skin). Its the bacteria that cover their body and mouths. Theyre like little armored CUModo DRAGons. So much of the meat they feed on is carrion, that theyve constantly got all sorts of NASTY bacteria on them.
I know ive detailsed it before, but one of my neighbors is a 40-something year old man with a pretty profound developmental disorder/ADHD/ fetal alcohol syndrome. He sits around in the garage all day smoking weed and drawing pictures, playing Elder Scrolls. Anyway hes got 6 snapping turtles in a tank in the garage- named, amongst others- "CADDYWHOMPUSS", "MR. CHEEKS", etc. He also likes to garden. One day he brings me a basket of yellow tomatoes from his garden. Im like thanks dude. I eat half the basket. Then i get deathly ill for about a week. Long story short- he thought water from his turtle tank would be PERFECT fertilizer for his tomatoes.
-_-
Fuck those dinosaurs.
2019-05-14 at 2:28 PM UTC
ur supposed to rinse them before u eat it lawl
2019-05-14 at 2:33 PM UTC
I definitely washed them, but somehow the stuff still got on to/into the tomatoes somehow.
