Mom No. 1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning?
Mom No. 2: I just put the cat on the bed.
Mom No. 1: How does that help?
Mom No. 2: The dog’s already there.
Joke submitted by Stephen C., Salem, Va.
Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?
Mother snake: Yes, son.Why?
Baby snake: I just bit my tongue!
Joke submitted by Mark R., Barrington, R.I.
Chris: Why is a computer so smart?
Mom: It listens to its motherboard.
Joke submitted by Christopher W., Gladwyne, Pa.
Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
Joke submitted by Steven F. II, Naperville, Ill.
Sunday school teacher: Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?
Johnny: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.
Joke submitted by Matthew W. , San Antonio, Tex.
Doug: I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all.
Dan: How do you know?
Doug: She’s learning to drive a bulldozer.
Joke submitted by Doug D., Wellington, Fla.
Ryan: Why did you chop the joke book in half?
John: Mom said to cut the comedy.
Joke submitted by John C., Granbury, Tex.
Erin: What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?
Fran: What?
Erin: “We’re gonna have a BB!”
Joke submitted by Erin K., Tallahassee, Fla.
Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Joke submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.
A mother is trying to get her son to eat carrots. “Carrots are good for your eyes,” she says.
“How do you know?” the boy asks.
The mother replies, “Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”
Joke submitted by Niles L., Acton, Mass.
Elephant: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Hippo: I give up.
Elephant: Because their kids have to play inside!
Joke submitted by Jake P., Omaha, Neb.
Matthew: What did the mother rope say to her child?
Jim: What?
Matthew: “Don’t be knotty.”
Joke submitted by Matthew C., DeRidder, La.
Daffynition: Minimum—A small mother.
Joke submitted by Matthew St., St. James, Mo.
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”
Joke submitted by William E., Morganton, N.C.
Jack: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Bill: What?
Jack: It’s time to go to sweep!
Joke submitted by Matt S. N., Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!
Joke submitted by Jake T., Worcester, Mass.
Robbie: Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?
Bobbie: East?
Robbie: No. Larry.
Joke submitted by Robbie B., Quarryville, Pa.
Daffynition: Sweater—something you wear when your mother gets cold.
Joke submitted by Danny L., San Marcos, Calif.
Pee Wee: What did the digital clock say to its mother?
Westy: What?
Pee Wee: “Look, Ma! No hands!”
Joke submitted by Jairo S., Bakersfield, Calif.
Ben: How come the mother needle got mad at the baby needle?
Jerry: I dunno.
Ben: It was way past its threadtime!
Joke submitted by Rich P., Round Rock, Tex.
