2019-03-10 at 3:04 AM UTC
Thinking. Drinking. Making plans to to stuff. FAFSA paperwork. Looking up doctors to my blood work done. Thinking about what will. Make me happy. About ways to not fall into old patterns. Making amends to old friends, and cutting off social fat where necessary. Realizing Bukowski was a drunk contrarian asshole who I would've loved when I was 18, but who I would've probably spit on today.
2019-03-10 at 3:08 AM UTC
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
Snorting special K and drinking root beer schnapps and trynna decide if I should start a criminal enterprise like on Breaking Bad or stick to the straight and narrow and get a secure low six figure job and settle down and have kids and a white picket fence and then die and decompose underground and have nothing to show for anything decades from now.
2019-03-10 at 10:24 AM UTC
Grylls
Cum Looking Faggot
[abrade this vocal tread-softly]
what happens when the drugs run out?
2019-03-10 at 12:36 PM UTC
Originally posted by gadzooks
Snorting special K and drinking root beer schnapps and trynna decide if I should start a criminal enterprise like on Breaking Bad or stick to the straight and narrow and get a secure low six figure job and settle down and have kids and a white picket fence and then die and decompose underground and have nothing to show for anything decades from now.
In the end the white picket fence option is worth it man. This isn't to say you can't have a little side earner. In relation to Casper's previous post about cutting "social fat", I'm starting more and more to warm to this idea except my analogy would be amputating the gangrenous tissue before it spreads, e.g. those around me that are less ambitious or a hindrance to my improvement. I've spent so much time in the presence of ass holes that need chemicals to socialize it's become somewhat normal and highly detrimental to both my health and finances. Unlike them I always have a way to procure more and more but I'm only just supplementing their own habits and parasitical behaviour to be around me.
Then I close my eyes and think, I could have invited the girl next door who only drinks, have good intellectual conversation, get extremely drunk and have wild sex. I would wake up in the morning a little hungover but I would have no regrets, not be depressed as fuck; and would have probably saved a fuck ton of money.
This is not saying I don't enjoy chemicals, I really do. It just feels like a repetitive cycle and I don't want to be the guy who's still wearing the t shirt.
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2019-03-10 at 12:55 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian
In the end the white picket fence option is worth it man. This isn't to say you can't have a little side earner. In relation to Casper's previous post about cutting "social fat", I'm starting more and more to warm to this idea except my analogy would be amputating the gangrenous tissue before it spreads, e.g. those around me that are less ambitious or a hindrance to my improvement. I've spent so much time in the presence of ass holes that need chemicals to socialize it's become somewhat normal and highly detrimental to both my health and finances. Unlike them I always have a way to procure more and more but I'm only just supplementing their own habits and parasitical behaviour to be around me.
Then I close my eyes and think, I could have invited the girl next door who only drinks, have good intellectual conversation, get extremely drunk and have wild sex. I would wake up in the morning a little hungover but I would have no regrets, not be depressed as fuck; and would have probably saved a fuck ton of money.
This is not saying I don't enjoy chemicals, I really do. It just feels like a repetitive cycle and I don't want to be the guy who's still wearing the t shirt.
Ditto.
Drugs weren't the problem in and of themselves. They just seem to put me in a stasis where it's so easy to lose time. When I thought I was stupid and useless and fucked up, it didn't really make any difference to me. Now that I know "I" am still here, and that I'm still good at a lot of things, I feel like I don't want to waste any more time. I stopped talking to friends I've known for 15 years. I just want to constantly be moving forward...even if it's just a tiny bit at a time. I want the people around me to do well too, and I want them to reciprocate the energy and time I give them. Case in point...the girl I've been talking to for a year and a half or so. She's got multiple degrees in chemistry and literature, she's got good taste and she's a musician and actress, model. She's nerdy and kind of quiet. But she's also rich and spoiled. She flakes on commitments, and then plays the victim card when someone calls her on it. She only really puts in effort when she thinks she's being ignored or disliked....which is a completely fucked cycle to get into. I basically told her that I might have put up with that shit when I was sad and mopey and strung out, but now that i feel good and revitalized, I'm completely ambivalent. I genuinely hope she does well, and I'd love to spend time with her, but if she doesn't get her shit together, I'm just going to cut off all contact. I want people around me that make me feel good, and where I can be myself, and work towards great new shit.
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2019-03-10 at 1:06 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER
Ditto.
Drugs weren't the problem in and of themselves. They just seem to put me in a stasis where it's so easy to lose time. When I thought I was stupid and useless and fucked up, it didn't really make any difference to me. Now that I know "I" am still here, and that I'm still good at a lot of things, I feel like I don't want to waste any more time. I stopped talking to friends I've known for 15 years. I just want to constantly be moving forward…even if it's just a tiny bit at a time. I want the people around me to do well too, and I want them to reciprocate the energy and time I give them. Case in point…the girl I've been talking to for a year and a half or so. She's got multiple degrees in chemistry and literature, she's got good taste and she's a musician and actress, model. She's nerdy and kind of quiet. But she's also rich and spoiled. She flakes on commitments, and then plays the victim card when someone calls her on it. She only really puts in effort when she thinks she's being ignored or disliked….which is a completely fucked cycle to get into. I basically told her that I might have put up with that shit when I was sad and mopey and strung out, but now that i feel good and revitalized, I'm completely ambivalent. I genuinely hope she does well, and I'd love to spend time with her, but if she doesn't get her shit together, I'm just going to cut off all contact. I want people around me that make me feel good, and where I can be myself, and work towards great new shit.
Good to hear Casper, I hope you do carry on proceeding forward. It's sad hearing about people who have so much potential but do fuck all with it. A lot of people seem "content", that's both bad and good. By all means if that person is happy with what they have then so be it, you could always say they're more happy than we will ever be cause we're striving to achieve said happiness. It's as if they've finished their chaotic journey and arrived.
We're still trying to find a way to get there.
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2019-03-10 at 1:24 PM UTC
I'm now cleaning up my room since I can't sleep. Soooooo many drugs rofl. Found a 1.1 gram shard in a pile of crap in an old broken scale, and then I just found a gram or so of coke in a twisted up thin piece of plastic, then put into a grey ziploc.
Is there such thing as a junkie garage sale? Can I just charge someone 100 bucks and let them take all drug related shit in my room? Gives me an idea for a business. You know they have those meth remediation guys? They make bank. What about when a kid ODs or someone gets evicted, and the parents or landlord want it cleaned up, but don't want to be around needles and drugs? You could charge a pretty penny for that.
2019-03-10 at 11:35 PM UTC
~L J~
African Astronaut
[this acceleratory nonflavored troubadour]
Getting reading to watch a movie with my person. ๐โค๏ธ
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2019-03-11 at 1:21 AM UTC
Oh snap! ๐โค๏ธ
Ot
Checking messages and making sure I have some killer kush after work
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2019-03-11 at 1:54 AM UTC
Lol. Watching world of dance. I love it, and I love Bring it on on lifetime too. I love dancing, choreography my favorite. I grew up a cheerleader & won 3 national championships in Cali. Lol ๐
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2019-03-11 at 1:57 AM UTC
Nice new pic Starr๐
Have a nice evening, Iโll be off to bed soon enough.
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