User Controls

Navigation

Niggas in Space > I've Got 99 Problems... and They're All Bitches > Is there a way to find out how many of my potential offspring have been aborted?

Is there a way to find out how many of my potential offspring have been aborted?

  1. 2019-03-07 at 7:05 AM UTC
    #1
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    So, I have had a lot of unprotected sex with total strangers over the course of my lifetime, yet, I am still without issue.

    Whereas I see all kinds of dudes my age, and younger, with kids out there.

    Do I...

    A) Have a low sperm count.
    B) Have incredible luck.
    C) Have aborted fetuses out there.
    D) Have living children whom I haven't met.

    ???

    I'm in Canada, which is probably relevant.

    I know that so-called "reproductive rights" are meant to keep any pregnancy a secret between the biological mother and her doctor, but... Like, is there some central database I can hack into?

    I desperately want to know.
  2. 2019-03-07 at 7:06 AM UTC
    #2
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Send all of your exes a FOIA request for all abortion-related documents
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  3. 2019-03-07 at 7:08 AM UTC
    #3
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Also let me ask you this. When you had unprotected sex did you utilize the “pull-out” method?
  4. 2019-03-07 at 7:10 AM UTC
    #4
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Methuselah Send all of your exes a FOIA request for all abortion-related documents

    Brilliant!

    I love it.

    Does it apply to Canadians, tho?
  5. 2019-03-07 at 7:11 AM UTC
    #5
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Methuselah Also let me ask you this. When you had unprotected sex did you utilize the “pull-out” method?

    No, BUT... I did utilize the "too drunk to finish" method.

    Never intentionally, but liquor will sometimes keep me from potential impregnation.
  6. 2019-03-07 at 7:13 AM UTC
    #6
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Originally posted by gadzooks Brilliant!

    I love it.

    Does it apply to Canadians, tho?

    No it doesn’t, that’s part of the joke
  7. 2019-03-07 at 7:13 AM UTC
    #7
    Zanick motherfucker [my p.a. supernal goa]
    You'll have to retrace your steps. Call every abortion clinic in every city you or anybody you've met has ever been to and threaten to kill yourself unless they release to you records of the women responsible. If you have a handgun, hold it up to the phone and spin the barrel to frighten them into complying. You can find the confirmed infanticides and accost them, and then follow up with the ones who didn’t and claim their children as your bastards, regardless of whether they actually carry your genetic material. Sell them to princes, pedophiles, and evil hags and make money.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  8. 2019-03-07 at 7:14 AM UTC
    #8
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Methuselah No it doesn’t, that’s part of the joke

  9. 2019-03-07 at 7:14 AM UTC
    #9
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Zanick You'll have to retrace your steps. Call every abortion clinic in every city you or anybody you've met has ever been to and threaten to kill yourself unless they release to you records of the women responsible. If you have a handgun, hold it up to the phone and spin the barrel to frighten them into complying. You can find the confirmed infanticides and accost them, and then follow up with the ones who didn’t and claim their children as your bastards, regardless of whether they actually carry your genetic material. Sell them to princes, pedophiles, and evil hags and make money.

    That's so crazy it just... won't work.

    :(
  10. 2019-03-07 at 7:14 AM UTC
    #10
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Originally posted by gadzooks No, BUT… I did utilize the "too drunk to finish" method.

    Never intentionally, but liquor will sometimes keep me from potential impregnation.

    If you didn’t even ejaculate then I think it’s safe to say probably nobody got pregnant.

    But maybe you should take some supplements to boost your Low T levels buddy
  11. 2019-03-07 at 7:16 AM UTC
    #11
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Methuselah If you didn’t even ejaculate then I think it’s safe to say probably nobody got pregnant.

    But maybe you should take some supplements to boost your Low T levels buddy

    I came in some.

    Not all though.

    Also, I've heard precum contains trace amounts of sperm.
  12. 2019-03-07 at 7:32 AM UTC
    #12
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Yeah but the possibility of getting someone pregnant from precum is vastly overstated.

    I’ve had sex thousands of times over the last few years without ever using a rubber, I just pull out. And the only time they ever got pregnant was when I actually busted deep inside them
  13. 2019-03-07 at 7:34 AM UTC
    #13
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Methuselah I just pull out. And the only time they ever got pregnant was when I actually busted deep inside them

    Right, and those are the scenarios about which I'm curious.
  14. 2019-03-07 at 7:42 AM UTC
    #14
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Then yeah you probably got a couple baby mamas floating around out there fa sho.

    Luckily mines all miscarried or aborted
  15. 2019-03-07 at 7:45 AM UTC
    #15
    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    I wanna play catch and go to Chuck E. Cheese and buy birthday cakes and...

    Wait, maybe I really did dodge a bullet.
Jump to Top