We have a moral obligation to stop beating meat

1. 2019-02-14 at 3:42 AM UTC

   #1
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
   At least, that's what my pastor's been saying.
   
   I fap anyway, tho. Tbh, ngl.
2. 2019-02-14 at 3:46 AM UTC

   #2
   

   mmQ Lisa Turtle
   Tell him you've mastered the art of jacking off to the thought of nothing. No lust. See if he ok's it.
   The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

   • gadzooks
3. 2019-02-14 at 3:51 AM UTC

   #3
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]

   Originally posted by mmQ Tell him you've mastered the art of jacking off to the thought of nothing. No lust. See if he ok's it.

   
   My Buddhist monk would love that. Not so sure if it would fly with the pastor though.
4. 2019-02-14 at 3:53 AM UTC

   #4
   

   mmQ Lisa Turtle

   Originally posted by gadzooks My Buddhist monk would love that. Not so sure if it would fly with the pastor though.

   
   Due to jealousy? If lust isn't the issue, what is?
5. 2019-02-14 at 3:55 AM UTC

   #5
   

   Needledick Needledick Needledick motherfucker [mulishly down your brachydactylia]
   How about pounding your dick with a meat tenderizer?
6. 2019-02-14 at 3:55 AM UTC

   #6
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]

   Originally posted by mmQ Due to jealousy? If lust isn't the issue, what is?

   
   Because bible something something... I dunno.
   
   I think there's something in there about "spilling thine seed" or some shit.
   
   Now, if I jerk off into a condom, then immediately freeze that condom, and find a women to inseminate at some later, more convenient, time, then I might have found a loophole.
7. 2019-02-14 at 3:56 AM UTC

   #7
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]

   Originally posted by Needledick Needledick Needledick How about pounding your dick with a meat tenderizer?

   
   Yeah, that just doesn't sound all that pleasant, quite frankly.
8. 2019-02-14 at 3:58 AM UTC

   #8
   

   Ghost Black Hole
   God is watching, always.
9. 2019-02-14 at 3:59 AM UTC

   #9
   

   mmQ Lisa Turtle

   Originally posted by gadzooks Because bible something something… I dunno.
   
   I think there's something in there about "spilling thine seed" or some shit.
   
   Now, if I jerk off into a condom, then immediately freeze that condom, and find a women to inseminate at some later, more convenient, time, then I might have found a loophole.

   
   Uhhhhh. No, there isn't though. Hence my question. The only issue when it comes to faggot Christians forbidding jacking off is LUST of the eyes. There's nothing about spilling seed. Ahahahaha.
10. 2019-02-14 at 4 AM UTC

    #10
    

    Needledick Needledick Needledick motherfucker [mulishly down your brachydactylia]
    Just repent.
11. 2019-02-14 at 4:02 AM UTC

    #11
    

    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]

    Originally posted by mmQ Uhhhhh. No, there isn't though. Hence my question. The only issue when it comes to faggot Christians forbidding jacking off is LUST of the eyes. There's nothing about spilling seed. Ahahahaha.

    
    

    Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother's wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

    
    Niggas got capped for that shit back in the day.
    
    Apparently we actually have a moral obligation to impregnate our brothers' wives...?
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • mmQ
12. 2019-02-14 at 4:02 AM UTC

    #12
    

    mmQ Lisa Turtle

    Originally posted by Needledick Needledick Needledick Just repent.

    
    Repentance doesn't exist.
13. 2019-02-14 at 4:04 AM UTC

    #13
    

    mmQ Lisa Turtle

    Originally posted by gadzooks Niggas got capped for that shit back in the day.
    
    Apparently we actually have a moral obligation to impregnate our brothers' wives…?

    
    If you want to believe the one part you gotta believe the other so yes, maybe you're right. Awesome point to bring up to your pastor.
    
    I'm also hoping you're kidding about having a pastor you fucking dork.
14. 2019-02-14 at 4:05 AM UTC

    #14
    

    Ghost Black Hole
    The bible is not meant to be taken literally.
15. 2019-02-14 at 4:15 AM UTC

    #15
    

    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]

    Originally posted by mmQ I'm also hoping you're kidding about having a pastor you fucking dork.

    
    
    
    I guess if I don't actually explicitly mention it, there's no way for others to know, but, no, I most assuredly do not have an actual pastor.
    
    At least, I haven't had one since my parents dragged me to church on Sundays like 25 years ago.
16. 2019-02-14 at 4:17 AM UTC

    #16
    

    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    My Scientologist association would absolutely forbid me seeing a pastor.
17. 2019-02-14 at 4:17 AM UTC

    #17
    

    Ghost Black Hole
    The church of Trianglism always has it's arms open if you need religious counselling
18. 2019-02-14 at 4:18 AM UTC

    #18
    

    mmQ Lisa Turtle

    Originally posted by gadzooks
    
    I guess if I don't actually explicitly mention it, there's no way for others to know, but, no, I most assuredly do not have an actual pastor.
    
    At least, I haven't had one since my parents dragged me to church on Sundays like 25 years ago.

    
    I figured as much I just wanted to get caught up in the potential hype of you having one.
    
    It makes things more fun
19. 2019-02-14 at 4:20 AM UTC

    #19
    

    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]

    Originally posted by Ghost The church of Trianglism always has it's arms open if you need religious counselling

    
    I do find Trianglism at least somewhat intriguing.
    
    Triangles are everywhere. Talking snakes and 900-year-old patriarchs are kind of lacking, though.
20. 2019-02-14 at 4:28 AM UTC

    #20
    

    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Circles are everywhere too but. Most seen are the abstract circles but you sont see an abstract circle movement because we dont like to talk about it usually and I am breaking the 4ules whooooops