2018-11-14 at 12:02 AM UTC
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
Their names are Gus and Kelley. Be nice to them, they're college students and they aren't being paid.
2018-11-14 at 12:56 AM UTC
Number13
African Astronaut
[dispute my snotty-nosed seagull]
Do they take it in turns?
2018-11-14 at 1:13 AM UTC
Nil
African Astronaut
[the overexcited four-footed chanar]
Does one type up posts on a typewriter, mail it to the other one to then make the post?
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
I'd rather you not get to know them. Gus and Kelley are only here to type what I say and inform me about the interesting posts so I don't have to read it all. They're only people in the sense that they're preferable to technology. Gus understands this, that's why he's transcribing this message and not dictating it.
2018-11-14 at 3:01 AM UTC
Fuck Gus I want more Kelley.
2018-11-14 at 3:02 AM UTC
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
They work in 12-hour shifts. Kelley won't be here until early tomorrow.
2018-11-14 at 3:10 AM UTC
I thought slavery was abolished. If it's voluntary then dilly dilly!
2018-11-14 at 3:42 AM UTC
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
They're old enough to sell themselves for nothing. That's all I care about.
2018-11-14 at 6:28 AM UTC
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
You don't need to know how old he is. Gus is only permitted to speak on my behalf, and I have complete trust in his investment in a letter of recommendation. So much trust, that I can say that I intend to impregnate his mother seven months before he graduates and then cut the fetus out of her right before the event with a katana for the kiss cam at a Cubs training event, and I believe he will communicate this to you verbatim. On particularly meaningful correspondence, I might even let him sign his name.
Gus
2018-11-14 at 6:31 AM UTC
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
Gus is completely sober right now, what a downer. I think I might actually do it.
