2018-10-14 at 11:37 PM UTC
i punch things and myself and cut myself and burn myself with hot water and wax and dig my nails into myself (they are long). also poked self with needles, clech jaw until it hurts, etc.
i do it because self hate gets to a point i need to release tension. last time i did it majorly i was freaking about my worthlesness all day and getting drunk didnt help so i gashed my leg a lot to distract myself. id rather be pathetic like this than actually do anything.
its only bad cuz im actually smart and have a phd fellowship but im an idiot and fuck up constantly. i kind of want a low stress job and life to autistically play video games all day. ive considered breaking up with my gf even to play games more. idk tho its emotional support etc
