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I'm turning my life around
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2018-10-12 at 1:29 AM UTCOkay so first of all I'm being serious
Part of this post is a call for help, because in writing this and receiving positive feeback I'll feel more encouraged (inb4 the obligatory totse and 4chan nihilistic responses) to do what it is I feel is truly necessary.
I need to make a change in how I live my life and the path I take for the rest of my life.
I'm not going to go too into detail because #1 that would take too long and #2 most of you probably wouldn't even care but anyways
Up until this point I have lived my life in a constant stupor of dopamine masturbation and drug addiction, well the drug addiction part didn't start until I was 18.
Anyhoo
A lot of my attitude is just exaggerated into a sort of persona, which I acknowledge that or I wouldn't really call it a persona but when I go on the internet I sort of let go of any sort of inhibition and will act out in any manner, no matter how abrasive or offensive (not that there is anything wrong with that I'm not becoming an sjw this is about other shit) and I go into 4chan mode where it's like ... I'm not how you humans would describe this but ... not bullying but you know when two guys get together and just downtalk each other, my friend would do that to me btw, but anyways I never enjoyed that kind of attitude and to be honest I prefer politeness and positivity ... no really.
So with that said ... when I see people talking about me on here or other forums I always think to myself "but that's not how I actually am" and get upset that none of you really know how I truly am as a person, which is wonderful and the greatest being in existence (I'll get to that later).
And with that out of the way. not only was I not being myself on the inernet, but out in the fleshnet I wasn't even living in my body.
Through drug use, imaginations, video games and the web I lived in a world that was purely mental, meanwhile my body in the fleshnet withered away.
The time has come for me to make a change and actually change my life and turn it around, find healthier ways to live.
I have a an alcohol problem okay that's easy to acknowledge but the hardest part was coming to the realization that marijuana is not for me and then thinking about losing all those moments I had with myself partying in my mind or in virtual reality ... (this is going to be a huge social issue in the coming years and decades)
If I continued with that ... I would lose my mind, I would have failed to live up to my childhood aspirations and desires, I would fail myself for being stuck in a position where I really desire for doing certain things (music production, game development etc) but am completely unable to due to my lack of knowledge and motivation.
It's not laziness (fuck you lanny) I have some kind of chemical imbalance.
But goddamn, this is all the push I have been looking for (being at an absolute ends with the sickness from drugs and the realization of my decline) to finally stop myself and do the things that are truly important in my life, but require a lot of determination.
I'm quitting drugs and bad influences/outlets that do nothing but depress and kill me inside.
I'm going to take up game development and programming and use all of my time to the fullest
No more will I waste away my life's potential and my time and waste in a locked state of endless nonsense.
This is my farewell to the wasted life of the past and a welcome to the new ... ugh I don't even feel clean using that word anymore. -
2018-10-12 at 1:34 AM UTCThe author of this post has returned to nothingnessThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-10-12 at 1:35 AM UTChttps://www.kickstarter.com/projects/morphcat-games/micro-mages-a-new-game-for-the-nes
My dream since I was around 12 - 13 was in creating something for the Playstation 2.
If I could find a development kit I could produce somethign for that that would also work in PCSX2.
The kind of game I have in mind right now is like a third person adventure game with existential and psychedelic themes (and no it has nothing to do with yume nikki I haven't even really played that game yet).
"Be the change you want to see"
Instead of sitting here feeling depressed because gaming as I knew and loved it is disappearing instead I should get up and start creating similar experiences to the ones I cherished so much.
Does anybody remember Disaster Report?
Or Dragon Quest VIII?
Or playing Yakuza 1 for the very first time .... (I was so in love with that game that I would play it in the garage during winter)
that feeling of going from top down GTA to GTA 3 and the first few moments of realizing you could move around anywhere and steal any car ... and the feeling of driving it randomly in a city outside of a pre-defined path ...
or the feeling of playing Deus Ex Invisible war and DE1 for the first times ... KOTOR ... Splinter Cell .... Timesplitters ..........
I want those feelings back
Nothing of today is doing it for me and I know it's not just nostalgia, those games had a very specific and special quality to them that I don't see in games of today.
I want to create that kind of experience again. -
2018-10-12 at 1:36 AM UTC
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2018-10-12 at 1:40 AM UTCHave you ever considered that your superiority-complex is unfounded and maybe even a hindrance?
If you think you know everything then you have a lot to learn. -
2018-10-12 at 1:41 AM UTC
Originally posted by Nil Have you ever considered that your superiority-complex is unfounded and maybe even a hindrance?
If you think you know everything then you have a lot to learn.
That's just the thing
I don't know everything, but when I come to a conclusion for something and get to the point where I know it to be true, I don't see any reason to acknowledge alternative viewpoints.
Maybe that's a hinderence but whatever -
2018-10-12 at 1:42 AM UTCAlso why that question?
Is it because I claim to be of a higher plane than you?
It's because it's true
I'm not sorry
In a universe like this there can only be one truly real player character. -
2018-10-12 at 1:43 AM UTCkThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-10-12 at 2:02 AM UTCJust do meth and enjoy life mane
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2018-10-12 at 2:02 AM UTCYou still have time.
Start with exercise,walk 2 miles every morning.
Then after a month or so make it 3.
Diet eat 2 eggs every day and drink plenty of water stay hydrated.
After 6 months you will be amazed at how much better you feel,even if you keep drinkin and shit. -
2018-10-12 at 2:05 AM UTC
Originally posted by AngryOnion You still have time.
Start with exercise,walk 2 miles every morning.
Then after a month or so make it 3.
Diet eat 2 eggs every day and drink plenty of water stay hydrated.
After 6 months you will be amazed at how much better you feel,even if you keep drinkin and shit.
I was doing basically that back when I would play PGo, I used it as motivation for exercise/walking long distance.
Eggs and water, already been there.
I should do more physical exercises though like push ups and squats
Also I need to work on my mind, not allowing negativity to grab so much of my attention or ruminate on things. -
2018-10-12 at 2:14 AM UTCWell that would take you getting rid of your hatred for jedis or blacks. That’s very negative emotions that will eat you up inside. If you’re truly busy thinking about bettering your life, what other people do won’t matter to you!
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2018-10-12 at 2:47 AM UTC
Originally posted by Technologist Well that would take you getting rid of your hatred for jedis or blacks. That’s very negative emotions that will eat you up inside. If you’re truly busy thinking about bettering your life, what other people do won’t matter to you!
Wtf is wrong with that
Look, I'm bettering my life here I'm not seeking to become some politically correct sjw type
Also niggers are okay as long as they're in the Congo
jedis on the other hand ... are an actual threat to my civilization and life
They are evil incarnate. -
2018-10-12 at 3:38 AM UTCTake a break from video games. Focus your autism on becoming healthier physically and mentally. Cut out the drugs. Go on a sobriety binge.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-10-12 at 4:02 AM UTCI’m here for you hikka. I think you’ll do great with this new positive mental attitude. I can PM you some tools I learned in therapy that have helped me deal with negative self talk and anger.
