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self hatred thread
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2018-10-03 at 12 PM UTCThese days I think not enough people have been taking the time out of their busy days to appreciate the complex yet delicate, but at the same time overwhelming sense of self hatred that is placed inside each and every one of us by our creator at the time of conception. This, to me, is a damned shame. We were are all unique, we were all given our own personalities, so that the hatred you have for yourself is a unique one. Unless you are some sort of well known or infamous person, not many people will ever get the chance to know you and dislike you. And for most people that are not total assholes, probably only a few people will ever hate them.
You get to spend your whole life with yourself, and nobody knows yourself like yourself. Think about it. What do families do over time? The couples eventually grow somewhat apart while keeping each other occupied just enough so that they are not crushed by loneliness. The children eventually move away. The more time you spend around your family, the more you hate them, and the more you want to get away from them. But you are stuck with yourself your whole life, you can't get away from yourself. You may find a few hours or even a few days relief in drugs or some other vice, but you will need to be there to deal with yourself when you come down.
There is no getting away from it, everyone gets to feel it and everyone's self hatred is unique and different. To get to know someone intimately is to know the things they hate about themselves. To be vulnerable is to allow others to see the parts of you you hate. The individuality and intensity of it and the desires it spurns are strange when you think about it. -
2018-10-03 at 12:08 PM UTC
Originally posted by OG_GREENPLASTIC_JOHNSON_III You may find a few hours or even a few days relief in drugs or some other vice, but you will need to be there to deal with yourself when you come down.
I'm opting for just never coming down.
An ample-enough supply of psychoactive chemicals can keep you in a state of utter blissful ignorance about any such self-hatred. And during those rare moments of bonafide sobriety, a little dose of denial and other coping mechanisms can suffice just enough until you re-dose.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-10-03 at 12:11 PM UTC
Originally posted by gadzooks I'm opting for just never coming down.
An ample-enough supply of psychoactive chemicals can keep you in a state of utter blissful ignorance about any such self-hatred. And during those rare moments of bonafide sobriety, a little dose of denial and other coping mechanisms can suffice just enough until you re-dose.
Yea, I was just thinking that the first 1-3 hours of my days fucking suck -
2018-10-03 at 12:14 PM UTC
Originally posted by OG_GREENPLASTIC_JOHNSON_III Yea, I was just thinking that the first 1-3 hours of my days fucking suck
Yeap, that's pretty much how it goes. Drugs are solid cope when they actually work.
There will always be a portion of the day, though, that is drudgingly dreadful.
Such is life, I guess? Acceptance is one way to deal with it. It's not an easy pill to swallow, though. -
2018-10-03 at 12:18 PM UTC
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2018-10-03 at 12:19 PM UTC
Originally posted by gadzooks Yeap, that's pretty much how it goes. Drugs are solid cope when they actually work.
There will always be a portion of the day, though, that is drudgingly dreadful.
Such is life, I guess? Acceptance is one way to deal with it. It's not an easy pill to swallow, though.
Tell me about it, I just had a gnarly puke session between these last two replies from drinking some dank poppy seed tea at 4 am. Also had a bunch of coffee, a bowl of weed, and 1 mg etizolam. So things are starting to look up at least. -
2018-10-03 at 12:23 PM UTC
Originally posted by OG_GREENPLASTIC_JOHNSON_III Tell me about it, I just had a gnarly puke session between these last two replies from drinking some dank poppy seed tea at 4 am. Also had a bunch of coffee, a bowl of weed, and 1 mg etizolam. So things are starting to look up at least.
I just ran out of crack, so I'm finishing up whatever GHB and liquor I have left. I also have a bottle full of xanax, but I'm exercising every last bit of restraint not to benzo-blackout.
I miss me some poppy tea. I used to be a full-blown opiate addict. I can't do that stuff anymore, though. :( -
2018-10-03 at 12:31 PM UTC
Originally posted by gadzooks I'm opting for just never coming down.
An ample-enough supply of psychoactive chemicals can keep you in a state of utter blissful ignorance about any such self-hatred. And during those rare moments of bonafide sobriety, a little dose of denial and other coping mechanisms can suffice just enough until you re-dose.
I was going to post a thread from opiophile.org about a man with a master's degree in chemistry who synthesized his own opioids, but apparently that site no longer exists.
He was up to something like a quarter gram of fentanyl per dose when he got caught in some sort of confrontation with campus police. He got six years, and according to his story, it took a year and a half for his withdrawals to subside completely.
Rule number one of drugs: it will eventually end, and the harder you fight it, the worse it will be.
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2018-10-03 at 12:40 PM UTC
Originally posted by Jυicebox I was going to post a thread from opiophile.org about a man with a master's degree in chemistry who synthesized his own opioids, but apparently that site no longer exists.
He was up to something like a quarter gram of fentanyl per dose when he got caught in some sort of confrontation with campus police. He got six years, and according to his story, it took a year and a half for his withdrawals to subside completely.
Rule number one of drugs: it will eventually end, and the harder you fight it, the worse it will be.
Holy fuck, a year and a half of opiate withdrawals sounds like utter torture.
You are right, though, that drugs are by no means an easy way out. They just offer a coping mechanism worth considering if life is feeling just too damn overwhelming.
Originally posted by Jυicebox
Sometimes the hardest pill to swallow is self-administered. -
2018-10-03 at 12:44 PM UTCAddicts are kinda bitches sometimes though when we're coming down or not high. And I am definitely not excluding myself from this, but something I've noticed is that we relish in the highs and pretend like we're invincible but then when we come down we have this "i need to get serious" attitude and like we know more sorrow than others (which is probably true but still, we choose it.)
