2018-08-26 at 10:33 AM UTC
i will literally destroy all Rome fags
2018-08-26 at 10:37 AM UTC
don't even fuck with me saying shit like oh yeah well they used to sacrifice children
don't even start with that shit
2018-08-26 at 10:41 AM UTC
honestly you guys are fucked
2018-08-26 at 10:55 AM UTC
yeah, carthage is going to fuck you
on the shores of north africa, dodging the slave traders I jump into the Med, naked, with a green eyed phonecian named Dido. smashing snails into our bodies until purple, then running back into town with spears. it was easy to assume control, but trying to open ancient crypts while keeping tabs on the american diplomats was too difficult for two people. there was only one among their delegation that was a roman, an ancient man far beyond the years of any of the countries he had represented in the past few centuries.
"of course we support israel. yes you can build a military base here. we will only sell our oil in dollars. you can even use our people as organ donors!"
we gave the americans everything they wanted. they left happy, satisfied in their empire. the roman stayed, knowing what we were trying to awaken. at first he stayed for the wine, then for the shopping, then for the boys. as we grew over closer to completing our necromantic task, the hollering of his stomach or groin was near to our ear.
thankfully we killed that nigger and used his blood to revive Hannibal.
2018-09-12 at 7:05 AM UTC
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2018-09-12 at 7:23 AM UTC
when we invaded italy, the press didn't even blink. there is no way to maintain the narrative when elephants are traipsing around so they just didn't show it. there should have been a fast response, we never should have even made it to shore. an army of skeletal Carthaginians, gigantic elephants, with queen Dido and I at the front yelling nonsensical orders. nothing we said even mattered anymore, the dice were thrown. we were invading rome, reclaiming the seas that were our birth right.
NATO was paralyzed, the Americans didn't want to pay for what would eventually end up as a blockbuster TV show. the italian prime minster didn't even want to act because at first we mostly killed migrants. by the time the time the garlic breathers realized what was happening we had already reduced the vatican to ashes.
our elephants kept moving forward.
2018-09-12 at 8:49 AM UTC
the navies of this era did not know how to deal with the technology our ancient friends brought with them. nor were they prepared to deal with the terror of triremes full of warriors with a lust for vengeance. it only took a few boardings to send the air craft carriers home, the air punishment was as useful against necromancy as it is against terrorism. we barely ventured inland where ever we landed, or wherever we were found, raising bones and grudges. soon the entire Mediterranean was ours and this should have been the end of it, but none of us felt right fighting against a bunch of disorganized, self-loathing European countries that could hardly hold a candle to our foe, Rome. None of this seemed to matter, but we fought on.
Soon we had all manner of country and empire talking to us, we had the western, American delegates of Rome and the Russian, eastern delegates of Rome. All the while the Turks were trying to make deals with us, but we knew they were traitorous, and not worthy of favor of any of the Gods we paid tribute to in our death march. The Germans tried to use what we left of the crumbling European Union to bring together the armies and nations
We marched into France, and no one cared because trade was good and even the Russians were more concerned about their ice cold ports being overtaken by long dead sailors.
2018-09-12 at 9:25 AM UTC
The war on on Europe was only a few days in but we realized the folly of some of our assumptions. Man does not live on bread alone, neither can legions of the dead support a country. Fortunately, our undead army was more popular in the countries we occupied than the democratic farces that preceded them. We could have put them to the sword, or the plow, but either way they were slaves in our eyes. It would be hard to think that even a year ago this was just a fevered dream in the baptism of the Mediterranean, today it seems as if this reality was always true. Dido seems more alive than ever. Sometimes I wonder why I've done what I've done.
America continues to sell us arms, even after finally declaring us a terrorist organization. The Atlantic is a difficult venture for our men but not impossible. What will they do while we retake our birthright? Russia is afraid, but they can still sell us their gas. Today is the first day that Carthage overlooks this entire sea, but none of us feel easy. Rome is still here, laughing in our right ear and our left ear. Europe was an easy victory, and we should probably try to crush Russia before taking on the Americans, but in the midst of mania it seemed rational to look inwards in Africa for what we needed to complete our spell. Everyday we waited for the nukes, they were coming, the only thing stopping this inevitability was the collateral damage.
Everyday I prayed.
2018-09-12 at 9:33 AM UTC
im going to keep this necromantic Carthaginian fan fic on hold for now but rest assured, euro trash, that while you sleep ancient bones tremble and they will bring terror (don't worry, America will feel the pain eventually)
Pretty good, I can't wait for the movie.
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