Stalpanof's Stoopid Saturday

1. 2018-07-28 at 6:27 PM UTC

   #1
   STALPANOF Yung Blood (banned) [hilariously waft my nitrazepam]
   Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen in the audience.
   For today's presentation I will set the scene and you can make it a choose your own adventure.
   But 1 thing.
   It will actually be my adventure.
   And you don't get to choose it.
   
   Woke up today around 7:45.
   I dunno how I managed that.
   Up so early I decided to try and do something nice for someone I love.
   So I went to Bob Evan's with my great aunt and let her buy my breakfast.
   Mostly I just picked at the food because I am not hungry in the morning and shit...
   I wasn't even fully awake until after 2 cups of coffee and time for my pills to kick in.
   
   Went back home and fooled around on the computer a bit.
   Wanted to play a game or chop shit up with my best friend Slaynk but he said he wasn't feeling so hot and was going to bed.
   I hope he feels better.
   FEEL BETTER SLAYNK.
   
   Then I laid down and watched youtube videos on my fona-fone.
   Most of the videos I watched were about supersonic airplanes and rocket engines.
   I did watch one very dumb video of Bruce Willis talking about how much the maintenance costs to own a McLaren F1.
   Well no shit @Bruce Willis.
   
   Then I got out of bed and jerked off to some lesbian finger fucking porn.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   And now my Enter key got stuck to my cum I shot that went up in the air and landed down in my keyboard and we are down here now I guess...
   
   Here is the link to the porn I watched.
   https://www.xnxx.com/video-4w5fne2/real_lesbo_getting_fingered
   
   And after that I mowed my grass.
   Well...
   My mom mowed most of it but I mowed out by the road.
   (The mildly dangerous part)
   
   And then I put my mower away and closed my garage door and opened my garage windows with the intent of maybe fixing my garage door finally.
   
   After that I went downstairs and changed my shirt.
   Talked to Tort in Tinychat.
   He came to my awesome tinychat room.
   Here is the link.
   Tinychat.com/room/fonaplats
   It gets off the chain at night time.
   Also its open mic so we can weed out people who talk to themselves.
   Pretty bad ass.
   You should check it out.
   
   And then I took more medication to hopefully chemically increase my motivation to do something today.
   
   And now I am going to go out to my garage and work on my garage door while debating on whether I want to go downtown and get super drunk with the few thousand people that are going to be partying their asses off tonight at Celtic Fest.
   
   Toodles :)
2. 2018-07-28 at 6:28 PM UTC

   #2
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   Well isn’t this precious.
3. 2018-07-28 at 6:31 PM UTC

   #3
   STALPANOF Yung Blood (banned) [hilariously waft my nitrazepam]

   Originally posted by ohfralala Well isn’t this precious.

   
   Hey lala.
   How have you been?
   Keeping your chins up I hope.
   Call the Stalpanof-fone.
4. 2018-07-28 at 6:32 PM UTC

   #4
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   Lmao. I grew an extra one :(
5. 2018-07-28 at 6:36 PM UTC

   #5
   STALPANOF Yung Blood (banned) [hilariously waft my nitrazepam]

   Originally posted by ohfralala Lmao. I grew an extra one :(

   
   Can we be friends again?
   I miss hearing about how you ruin people's days and financially devastate companies for a living.
6. 2018-07-28 at 6:37 PM UTC

   #6
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   ARE YOU GOING TO BEHAVE??????????
7. 2018-07-28 at 6:41 PM UTC

   #7
   STALPANOF Yung Blood (banned) [hilariously waft my nitrazepam]

   Originally posted by ohfralala ARE YOU GOING TO BEHAVE??????????

   
   
   uh...
   sure ;)
   call me plz.
   I miss you
8. 2018-07-28 at 6:42 PM UTC

   #8
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   Sigh. Fine.
9. 2018-07-28 at 7:32 PM UTC

   #9
   STALPANOF Yung Blood (banned) [hilariously waft my nitrazepam]
   Update:
   I talked to ohfralala on the Stalpanof-fone.
   She is not suicidal at the moment.
   
   In other news...
   Still trying to get the garage door motor hung up.
   
   Thank you for calling me.
   Really enjoyed chopping it up with you.
10. 2018-07-28 at 7:42 PM UTC

    #10
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Too late I just killed myself.
11. 2018-07-28 at 10:06 PM UTC

    #11
    STALPANOF Yung Blood (banned) [hilariously waft my nitrazepam]
    Update:
    
    Got my garage door all hooked up but a wire broke inside the thing on the motor and I cant get it out to put a new on in so here I am typinf and going to open up the headlamp I just bought to see if a headlamp will somehow fix things.
12. 2018-07-28 at 10:12 PM UTC

    #12
    WellHung Black Hole
    Op... you're a douchebag.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • NARCassist
13. 2018-07-28 at 10:21 PM UTC

    #13
    STALPANOF Yung Blood (banned) [hilariously waft my nitrazepam]

    Originally posted by WellHung Op… you're a douchebag.

    
    And your a Chinese business man with a small penis and a 28,752 yuan salary that lost a business deal and went to the bar to drink yourself to death and instead you found a spray tanned slampig that you impressed with your company's credit card, got lucky and had a one night stand and now wont stop stalking her. Your ego is super inflated because you managed to have sex with a drunk American girl. Now you live in the homeless shelter and work 60 hours a week and a Chinese buffet but still you can not find real work because you are a refugee wanted by the Chinese Government for theft and you have a death warrant on your head if you ever go back. You mop and sweep floors, clean tables, wash dishes and fix crab rangoon.
    One day I hope you are able to steal the identity of someone who's name you can inevitably tarnish like you have done your own.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • The Self Taught Man
14. 2018-07-28 at 10:22 PM UTC

    #14
    WellHung Black Hole
    Ur stories are amazing.