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Chakra Attack!
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2015-11-11 at 6:49 PM UTCThis is Chakra Attack! A new approach to better health needs, and I'm your host - Dr. Open Your Mind. Ommm. Let's all say that again. Ommm. Be cleansed one, be cleansed all, it's time to wake up! It's time to sleep, it's time to wash that dirt out of your systems. It's time to be one, it's time to be one on one. It's time, my brothers, it is time right now - time for my show! Welcome to this week's Chakra Attack with Dr. Open Your Mind, and I am, as you have already probably ascertained by now, your host, Dr. Open Your Mind. Have we hummed yet, Dear Reader? Have we ommmed?
Ommm. Ommm. Together, together, together now, come on now. Ommm. And you out there too! Ommm. If I don't feel you, you can't feel me! Come on, Dear Reader, one more time! Ommm. That is beautiful. Yes, we have all ommmed. Whatever are you out there doing, give yourself a big fat ommm. Imagine one great wave of love, one great wave of joy, a great wave of spiritual clarity! Imagine it all ommm up your thighs like a big sticky mess of love. Imagine your soul is like a bazooka! Boom! Or a balloon, that a little innocent child sets free to the heavens. And the camera pans up as that balloon floats free and a swell of music plays as it soars to the heavens. Then it comes down in the ocean, and a turtle eats it, and it has internal hemorrhage and dies. You have killed that turtle. That's the wrong message you're sending! Don't set things free that are going to kill other things! You're attacking the world in the wrong way! Yes you are. That's not the way to live and that is not the message to send! Like a python that's too big for your house. And you set it loose in a schoolyard with children. That python's going to wrap itself around kids, and now you have caused a mess! And it's not how we do it here, Dear Reader. And that's not... The circle of life, that's the circle of life that leads to death! You hear me?
I know you hear me. Come on. Ommm. Ommm. Keep reaching for the heavens, and when you get there, be careful, as there is no oxygen in the heavens and the upper regions of the stratosphere and you will die, I promise you, you will die. Ommm. You cannot go to heaven as a human, you can only go to heaven as a damn angel! You hear me? Ommm. And that's why heaven is full of angels, and not living breathing people. Because people need oxygen, and there ain't no oxygen up there. It's a bit like one of those self-pleasuring choking games, when you're making love to somebody and you put your hands around their neck. They have life, but then you choke the life out of them while you're pleasuring them.
You get on top of a woman - you crush her sternum, you crush her rib cage, you put your hands around her neck and you're giving it to her and taking it away. You're giving life, and you're taking life away at the same time. It's two things going on here - it's a hot and a cold, you know? You're choking, but you're giving life, and feeling. Squeezing the love into them but squeezing the life out. It's an in and then a out motion going on here. You have just played the choking game! That's health. That's integration. That's what we are here to do every morning before we get started - we always ommm. That's the Chakra Attack! -
2015-11-13 at 1:39 PM UTCFor two days I purposely avoided clicking on this thread. Now I know why...
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2015-11-14 at 6:18 AM UTCOmmm. That's the sound of me attacking your Chakra! We're bringing Western street knowledge and Eastern spirituality together in a unified approach to contemporary integration - such that the mind and body are one. Such that the ignorance and knowledge be one. Such that the sense and the nonsense be one. When you put sense and nonsense together, what the hell do you got? You got some bullshit going on in your mind! That's everything mushed together like a goddamn jambalaya! Peanut butter and ice cream, gum and butter - ants in your damn pants. It all makes sense, because if you eat peanut butter ice cream, you're going to get diarrhea!
When things don't agree with you, that's what I'm talking about. Now that's sense and that's nonsense together, and they do not agree with each other, and now they have merged and gave your ass diarrhea. We're cleansing everything - mind, body and your spirit. We're going big! We're going all the way. Nirvana, prudah, Valhalla... limbo! Around the world and back again. You're on a round trip, girl, to spirituality! A round trip.
This is the full set. It's something all encompassing. Like a big compass which has everything in it. Not just a silly arrow that tells you which way to go north, but also a lot of other arrows that tell you other shit. Like which way to a liquor store, or some fool's getting fresh or if you are at one all with all mankind. A karma compass that tells you street shit and real shit, but also lots of other arrows, a whole bunch of arrows in that damn compass.
This is a karma compass, everybody, that tells you street shit and real shit. It's like one of them sensors that tell you if there are aliens crawling in the ceiling, and they are getting closer, and you're freaking the hell out, because you are like "This alien is going to drop through this ceiling tile and whoop some ass!" Right, Dear Reader? That damn alien is going to come through that ceiling and whoop some human ass! Wududududuwudududuwudududu...while the men is fighting the aliens, the women are in the corner, crying.
It's not fair, but that's what happens in the movies. That's exactly what happens. You hide in the corner, or you try to run and you trip. Not black women, but white women do trip, I'm sorry. I had to go to there with you, but I've got to go there. I had to pull a race card out... That's what happens. You sit in that goddamn corner and you start to scream and cry, and while the aliens are killing your man, you are sitting there, crying. Then they take you up to space and then impregnate you - you understand what's gonna happen to you?
They're going to take you up there and to do it to you. They're going to do it to you good. They're going to do it to you with their, with their, with their, with their alien prong! You understand? That's how they do it. And that's why you gotta get the spirituality in your body right now, come on now - ommm! Ommm. Today, it's all about empowering the ladies. Spiritual things come in threes! A three-parter. Only not sleaze, and no crossing swords, and no worrying about what's right or wrong or if you've enjoyed it too damn much, because you're supposed to enjoy every last bit of it, Dear Reader.
Do you enjoy every last bit of it?
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2015-11-14 at 2:05 PM UTCTLDR
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2015-11-15 at 8:23 AM UTCYou don't know if you're going to enjoy that because it hasn't happened yet. You have no idea what that alien's got in his alien penis. You understand? No one knows what kind of schlong an alien has. You don't know that, Reader, so don't speak on it before you know what the hell you're doing, because you're supposed to enjoy it all. Every last bit of it! All life should be enjoyed. Right, Dear Reader?
Now talking of journeys. Every last bit of this crazy journey we are on is called getting respected by any means necessary. I take pride in what the hell you're looking at, because that lets me know what the hell I got. You see, Reader? Enjoy the view. Enjoy the view! There's a horizon over there. There's mountains, there's peaks, and there's valleys on that body. You understand? Share the women but just don't leave no stains, because that ain't nice. You don't leave a stain on a man's lady! Oh!
Is that nice, Reader, for you to get on top of another man's woman and leave stains and don't go to that restroom and get you a towel and wipe her off? It's very unsanitary. You have stained me. Because every time I make love to my woman, all I'm thinking about is what, Reader?
That stain. That's what I'm thinking about in my mind. I can't get aroused if I'm thinking about the stain that that man left on my lady! Ommm. Let me take a breath. Let me breathe now. I am Dr. Open Your Mind and I'm your spiritual guide, Niggas in Space. I'm a registered health practitioner with an internationally recognized degree. I'm a trained yogi who can suck both of his big toes at once. I'm an expert in cleansing, a devotee of colonics and a wise man.
I'm a compassionate lover and a fierce warrior all at the same time. Sometimes I'm a warrior and compassionate at the same time, they don't know where I'm coming from sometimes. And ladies lay there on top of that bed confused because she don't know where I'm coming from. I'm like a pitcher throwing a curveball or a slider. You understand? You don't know what's coming, because you ain't the catcher. You see? See what I just did? See how I did that? I went into your head and took you to a baseball game. You understand? I am a compassionate lover and a fierce warrior. I spoon, I fork and knife, and that's what the Chakra Attack is all about. Lovemaking sometimes means you're here to wrestle, or howl like an animal. Awooo! Awooo!
Did I ever tell you about some nasty twins named Tammy and Sammy who have restraining orders against me after some hot yoga got out of hand? Hot yoga started and it went out of control. Weren't my fault. Damn women - it was 120 degrees! I was getting spiritual! I act out when I think I'm going to die. Oh, I'm a terrible fright on a damn airplane. You've gotta see me fly. Oh, I'm terrible.
Listen, when we're getting through turbulence, I grab a titty! That's the first thing I'm thinking about because that's where my mind goes sometimes. If we're gonna die - we're gonna go down in a fetal position. Fetuses want titties! I ain't sucking no damn thumb! I'm going out the same way I came in - everything in the universe is about two. And that again is a duality. When one become two, problems can arise.
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2015-11-18 at 2:57 AM UTCYou need some body whispering. Dr. Open Your Mind is a spiritual body whisperer. Ommm. Ommm. Many of you might ask, "What are you doing?" I'm omming. "Why are you making that noise?". It relaxes myself and the ladies. You see, ommm is a scientific frequency that lulls the ladies into a relaxed spiritual place where their brain shuts off and their thighs go into overdrive. Mind off, body on. It's like trying to start a car. Zu-zu-zu-zu-zu. Zu-zu-zu-zu-zu. Zu-zu-zu-zu-zu. That mind is a battery, and that battery is drained and dead, but the engine is good. Right? You understand, Reader? I can teach you how to get that frequency, but you have to buy my book and my ommm call. You know how duck hunters have a call they blow on that attracts ducks, so they can shoot them like stupid-ass sitting ducks? That's where that term comes from - a sitting duck, because that duck's sitting there. Right? He heard that call and he sat there and got his ass shot. Boom! Feathers everywhere! Floosh! Well, I have developed a bird call that attracts women, and it's called the Dr. Open Your Mind "Ommm" Spiritual Fine Lady Soothing Call To Attract Women. It's shaped like a sausage and trust me, it looks a bit strange, but blow it - and you'll see. Walk out on your cul-de-sac or the PTA meeting and blow in that thing, and women go mental! Wururururu! Believe me. And sure, you have to blow on a sausage, but while you're blowing on the sausage you want to ommm... Hell, I had a whole yoga studio full of fine women all over me when I blew that sausage-shaped horn. It was like one of them medieval shows on cable, only we didn't have a dwarf or a yak skin for a blanket. Some ignorant fools will say "Are you really humming on that sausage?" No, I'm cleansing myself!
