2016-08-24 at 7:24 AM UTC
My heart bleeds because it is sad, because it has nothing left to give and it is dying.
My heart bleeds gummy worms because it wants to be loved, but nobody really loves gummy worms.
My heart bleeds because it has been stepped on, torn apart.
Perhaps "bleed" isn't the right word. Leak is a more apt description. Bleed is too intense, too messy, too dramatic. No, my heart leaks because I am only a little dramatic and still want to use the metaphor of a heart. I am fucking tired of being alive. I know many of you are going to tell me "Oh discount whore, just kill yourself!" or "Oh discount whore, how much?"
The answer is 350 an hour because I am fucking attractive and I know how to fuck. But this is all I am, just looks. I look good. I act good. I speaks good. I can put on one hell of a front that ensures everybody 100% believes that I am okay, that's what I want them to think. I want to appear in control and happy and worthy of love and smart and funny and blah blah blah. It's so easy to act for people, it's easy to be awesome, it's easy to be that guy. It would be great to be that guy.
The only problem is that I am not that guy. I have his mask, and it fits, but it doesn't fit well. When I breathe out my nose it shoots back at my face, the mouth hole is just a little off, the eye holes are too small.
I've worn many masks in my life. I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet - a pawn and a king. I've been up, and down, and over and out, but I don't know shit. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. Life is not like a box of chocolates because I've been planning exactly what the fuck I want all my life and it's not working out. I'm scared.
But my heart continues to bleed and leak gummy worms because it has to. Even when I am crushed, I have to be sweet. I have to be liked. I have to.
2016-08-24 at 9:55 AM UTC
Existential Sex Worker should be your usertitle. You're funny.
2016-08-25 at 6:25 AM UTC
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2016-09-08 at 2:04 AM UTC
maybe you could start following and blackmailing them or doing something intriguous like that? then you wouldn't just be a whore, you'd be a spy too. you'd be like james bond. you could start seducing people on your own initiative once you got good at it.
