2018-04-17 at 8:57 PM UTC
Daily
an(nu)ally
[dissolutely whisk the pantheon]
How does everybody do it? Is the majority of the population depressed and doesn't know it or am I mentally ill
I haven't eaten above 25g of carbs since somebody offered me some coconut cake bullshit a few months ago and I remember sympathising with egalitarian beliefs momentarily (I literally gave a crack addict £5 and smiled at a 5/10)
Yesterday I came home and made a bad decision to eat some bread with my cheese because the whisky (no carbs) compromised my disciplinary faculties. Upon consumption I literally felt inebriated like I had just smoked hydro (no §m£ÂgØL) and after about 30 minutes felt like the biggest pile of shit on the planet. I felt like an embarrassment to my parents and and even double texted some bitch and wrote "haha" at the end of my message
I took off all my clothes and kept repeating "i'm on carbs, it's just the carbs" and wrote "you're on carbs" on a post-it note and stuck it above my mirror while I flexed and admired my lean body in an attempt to feel like less of a piece of shit. "it's what's on the inside that counts bro". I went on the HSBC mobile banking app to look at my balance. "there are people around the world that needs this more than u bro". I looked at my copy of "Culture of Critique" laying on my bookshelf. "it's just a right wing propaganda conspiracy bro." I began freaking out at this shift in consciousness and curled up in a foetal position under my covers. I actually cried a little bit even though I had nothing to feel sad about. My outlook on the world literally became sissified
It's been 24 hours and I'm back to normal. I urge you all to go low or no carb (how the body evolved for hundreds of thousands of years) rather than stuffing some quick cheap bullshit inside you that has no benefits for your existence except to make you feel high for 2 to 3 minutes. Soon I will be conducting some scientific studies that will demonstrate the link between carb intake and low testosterone politics. I will keep you all updated. Godspeed
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2018-04-17 at 9:08 PM UTC
op confirmed faggot for eating bread
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2018-04-17 at 9:18 PM UTC
I actually feel the best when I haven't ate or slept in 24 hours.
2018-04-18 at 1:17 AM UTC
this joke was funnier the first time.
Still not bad, but losing momentum fast.
2018-04-18 at 1:27 AM UTC
I eat like I have Celiac disease.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2018-04-18 at 1:31 AM UTC
Whole 30 helped me learn that I most likely have a gluten sensitivity. Not bad enough to be Celiac. But after eating bread or fried food I feel like shit within 15 minutes and I fall asleep within 30. And it’s the kind of sleep where you wake up and you don’t feel refreshed and you feel like a truck hit you and you just don’t even know what planet you woke up on. Good job surviving the carb attack, Daily!
