The last 2 weeks I've been eating a lot of suboxone and I heard on the radio that they are doing a contest for an internship with jason and deb the local dj's (disc jockeys for you yanks). The contest was who could lay the longest terd... so because I've been eating a lot of suboxone and eating a lot of probiotics and meat my stool has been packed and ready to go, so i entered in the contest.
I met the other contestants outside of the station and a security guard came and led us down to the basement where there was jason and deb.. deb is your quintessential (not that I know what that word means) brit slags full of tattoos and ugly dyed hair..
The name of the game was to lay the longest terd we could on the ground and I already knew I was going to win, there were several other contestants, 2 other guys and one girl. We unzipped our pants and jockeyd for position and I said "smell ya later" and we were off.. I worked my calves out so hard waddling like that pushing that shit out (i have hemorrhoids now) and to psyche the other contestants out (nolo contendere) I started screaming in spanish, "aye dios mio pendejo fuuuuuuucccck!"
it was eventually over and pulled up my britches and deb came out with a measuring tape and measured our terds. She measured mine last because it was obviously the longest and she even smelt it and waffed her hand by her nose and said "peee yoooo" and I was awarded the winnder and the next intern on 101.5 the rock station here in austin, the only catch was that I had to go raise awareness for huricane harvey and I started bitching and they said I could opt out for free drinks at the ghoul show at barracudas.
