2015-09-22 at 1:45 PM UTC
[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]she didn't even eat dinner last night. [/FONT]
2015-09-22 at 2:18 PM UTC
-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
In my teens, I used to regularly wash the car of a really old couple (brother and sister) for $20, even though they were both in their late 90's and hadn't been able to drive for decades. One day, I went in to get my cash after washing the car, and I kind of surprised the sister, who was spreading cat food from a can of open cat food on the sideboard onto pieces of bread, making sandwiches. The smell was overpowering, and coupled with what I saw, I stopped dead in my tracks as I entered the kitchen. Then she kind of made a few fast, sudden moves and the can disappeared in the process. I approached her slowly and said, "What's that you're eatin'?", and she said, "You can probably guess it's cat food. You know, on the money we get from old age security, we have to make ends meet to survive." And I said, "But you don't have to eat that!! You can take my $20 and buy what you want with it!!" And she said, "It's OK, son. You keep your money. We're fine eating this and we're used to it now." And all I could do was kind of hang my head in resignation and accept the money.
About a month later, the brother died, and the very next day the sister died, too.
2015-09-22 at 2:23 PM UTC
Dang. I didn't realize wet cat food was cheaper than human food. They should've just bought Ramen noodles and they'd probably still be alive to this day. Surely it was the kitty grub that did them in.
2015-09-22 at 2:52 PM UTC
But pet food is pretty much just ground up roadkill and pet corpses sold by veterinary clinics
and fish and animal guts and parts leftover from processing
Do people really think that pet food companies waste actual edible meat on mere pets?
2015-09-22 at 2:59 PM UTC
ITT SpectraL tells another urban legend like he was there when it happened.
2015-09-22 at 5:32 PM UTC
Your mom is so fat, her mass exceeds the Chandrasekhar limit.
2015-09-22 at 6:24 PM UTC
Props if you get the joke without having to google Chandrasekhar limit.
2015-09-22 at 6:27 PM UTC
Welp, I guess I don't get any props, which really sucks, because I'm totally almost out of props. Now I'm going to have to go to the fucking dirty ass prop shop downtown and associate myself with those lowlife fucks just to get a few more props under my belt. Sucks man.
2015-09-22 at 6:46 PM UTC
Thank you friend. Unfortunately I have to give them right back cuz, ya know, I gotsa to give props to you for giving props to me when I didn't deserve the props.
2015-09-22 at 6:46 PM UTC
Your mom is so fat she didn't fit in this joke.
2015-09-22 at 7:42 PM UTC
Your mom is so homeless that she sleeps on the sidewalk because she doesn't have a home or a bed to sleep in and she's too lazy to go to the homeless shelter so she has to resort to just sleeping on the sidewalk which isn't a home reaffirming the fact that she's so freaking homeless.
2015-09-22 at 11:30 PM UTC
I guess edible was a poor choice of words
maybe I should have said palatable
