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Groundhog Recipe - Attn: Bill Krozby / Leader of Fucboi Army / Arch Guardian of the Slampigs
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2016-01-21 at 3:58 PM UTCWhat's the recipe for Bill Krozby dogs?
Also, general Recipe thread.
This is how Oplus cooks Groundhogs.
Ingredients:
(At least) 1 woodchuck (Groundhog) - skinned, gutted, and thawed
Bay Leaves
Ground Black Pepper
Sliced Green Pepper (several long pieces)
Diced Garlic
Vinegar or sugar water
Chopped Onions
Blackberry wine - You can use fancy stuff but even cheap Blackberry manischewitz works (Oy Vey!)
Grape Tomatos
Chopped Celery
Chopped Carrots
Mushrooms (variety pack is best)
Chopped Potatos
Flour
Preparing the animal
You're best off shooting the woodchuck with a rifle (not a shotgun) because digging the Ball Bearings out is a bitch. It's also not good to eat lead or cook food with lead inside of it, so a nicely placed .223 will work. Don't use a .22 unless you're positive you can get a head shot within like 50 meters.
After the groundhog is dead, you pull it out of its fur coat (which is great for making hats and gloves). Make sure it's actually dead because these things are tough and will fuck you up if you go near it while it's wounded. The best way to test is to touch its eye with a stick while it's lying there. If it lunges at you then it obviously isn't dead. Then you cut it's belly open very delicately without puncturing the stomach. Once you do this, you have to be very cautious and look at all the guts to make sure there are no cysts inside the meat, which would indicate that it is diseased and you don't want to eat it. You also want to be sure that the bullet didn't puncture the bladder, because if there's feces touching your meat you also really shouldn't eat it.
Then you take your hands and pull all the guts out, being sure not to rip the bladder open in the process.
The most important part of gutting a groundhog is that, when you gut it, there are little light orange sacs under their armpits and behind their thighs. You need to cut this off. This is a scent gland that will release a horrid odor when you cook it if you don't cut it off. People bitch that groundhog tastes bad and it's because they try to eat it with this part on. They are ignorant. Groundhogs are vegetarians and the meat is actually very sweet.
Leave the guts for other animals, put your groundhog in a bag, and carry it to your house. Take a hose (or sink) and run it thoroughly under cold water to remove excess hair, desbris, grass, blood, or whatever else is on the animal. After this, I dry it with a paper towel and put it in the freezer. Usually I let it freeze for two weeks, because this will kill many (but not all) diseases the animal may have had.
Some hunters do weird shit like age their meat or shot a million-bajillion animals before they start gutting, but I wouldn't advise that. It's best to get your meat in the freezer as soon as possible to prevent it from spoiling.
Cooking the meal
Take your groundhog out the night before and soak it in vinegar or sugar water. If you let it thaw in sugar water or vinegar, this will remove the "gamey" taste that non-hunters always cry about. It should soak for about 24 hours. I usually let it thaw out in the vinegar.
When it's thawed, pull it out and put it onto a cutting board. You should Quarter the meat. Then it's helpful to cover the parts in flower and season with black pepper. Fry them on high until the outside is brown. Pay very close attention during this part because you don't want to burn it. Just make sure the outside is lightly browned. Then you throw it in the crock pot.
Take your vegetables, One bay leaf, Onions, and whatever else you want to add and throw it in the crock pot. I usually take a lot of the vegetables and fill the chest cavity with them. Pour in a little bit of wine (it depends on your taste, I don't drink so I use very little). Throw in enough water to line the bottom of the pan.
Cook it on low and, in a few hours, you're going to have one of the most delicious meals you've ever wanted. I usually wait until the meat is falling off of the bones.
The one thing you need to do is use a meat thermometer. Cook that shit to at least 170 degrees F. You do not want to undercook wild game.
The thing about wild game is that it's way better for your body, it isn't pumped full of hormones, and it actually tastes better. You have a lower risk of getting sick from wild game than you do from store bought meat. The only thing is that you have to prepare it properly. You won't get worms, HIV, Mad Cow Disease, Mental Retardation, or Rabies if you cook stuff fully. Always use a meat thermometer.
Enjoy!
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2016-01-21 at 4:09 PM UTCHaving seen you dressed up for work I can safely say that you do not live in a cabin, Agent Smith. I don't trust that you've ever cooked one of these. But it sounds tasty I guess.
Question: why groundhog? -
2016-01-21 at 4:15 PM UTC
Having seen you dressed up for work I can safely say that you do not live in a cabin, Agent Smith. I don't trust that you've ever cooked one of these. But it sounds tasty I guess.
Question: why groundhog?
Even mountainmen also have to go to work to pay for stuff, which is something you've admitted to knowing nothing about, hence it's not surprising that you don't believe it Mr. Anderson. The guy with the full beard and flannel is not the dude they would hire at a university.
Anyway, Groundhog is great because you can hunt it for most of the year, nobody else hunts it, there are very few regulations on what you can hunt them with, and they're very clean vegetarians. They're also quite big and one groundhog is good for two meals.
The meat is like sweet. -
2016-01-21 at 5:06 PM UTC
Even mountainmen also have to go to work to pay for stuff, which is something you've admitted to knowing nothing about, hence it's not surprising that you don't believe it Mr. Anderson. The guy with the full beard and flannel is not the dude they would hire at a university.
Anyway, Groundhog is great because you can hunt it for most of the year, nobody else hunts it, there are very few regulations on what you can hunt them with, and they're very clean vegetarians. They're also quite big and one groundhog is good for two meals.
The meat is like sweet.
I've seen the inside of your house. Cabins [usually] don't have dry wall. >: (
PS: The meat is sweet because you marinate it in sugar water. -
2016-01-21 at 5:07 PM UTC
I've seen the inside of your house. Cabins [usually] don't have dry wall. >: (
PS: The meat is sweet because you marinate it in sugar water.
There is no dry wall in my house. It's wood you schizophrenic.
And I use vinegar. I never use sugar water (but sugar water can be used).
The meat is sweet because Groundhogs are vegetarians. -
2016-01-21 at 6:21 PM UTC
There is no dry wall in my house. It's wood you schizophrenic.
And I use vinegar. I never use sugar water (but sugar water can be used).
The meat is sweet because Groundhogs are vegetarians.
It will be wood if I ever see it again, but it wasn't wood last time I saw it.
Fucking computers. -
2016-01-21 at 6:26 PM UTC
It will be wood if I ever see it again, but it wasn't wood last time I saw it.
Fucking computers.
You probably wouldn't be nearly this crazy if you ate more groundhog.
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2016-01-21 at 6:44 PM UTCOplus is gonna be pissed that you shared his secret recipe.
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2016-01-21 at 6:55 PM UTC
Oplus is gonna be pissed that you shared his secret recipe.
Oplus is a figment of your imagination. -
2016-01-21 at 7:18 PM UTC
Oplus is a figment of your imagination.
Just like Oplus' drywall.
You aren't fooling me, filthy program. -
2016-01-21 at 7:25 PM UTC
Just like Oplus' drywall.
You aren't fooling me, filthy program.
Isn't there a Sharpie somewhere in need of your attention? -
2016-01-21 at 7:31 PM UTCFuck this bullshit where are my Bill Krozbydogs?
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2016-01-21 at 8:30 PM UTC
Fuck this bullshit where are my Bill Krozbydogs?
Where the Sharpie should be. Bon appetite. -
2016-01-21 at 8:52 PM UTC
Where the Sharpie should be. Bon appetite.
Bill Krozby straight up has a recipe. I want to know what it is. -
2016-01-21 at 8:57 PM UTC
It's basically like that but with a wiener. -
2016-01-21 at 8:59 PM UTCNot sure what's going on in this thread but i just wanted to mention that rodents don't strike me as tasty, never ate a rodent however so who knows maybe it's 11/10 god tier food. The idea is probably just weird because it's foreign to me.
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2016-01-21 at 9:02 PM UTCI just posted a video on the last page....
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2016-01-21 at 9:04 PM UTCI'd also like to inform you all that spelling fuccboi with two cs is some crip shit I don't roll with. Soowoo.
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2016-01-21 at 9:56 PM UTC
I'd also like to inform you all that spelling fuccboi with two cs is some crip shit I don't roll with. Soowoo.
I do think we should change Bill Krozby's stats to say "Arch Guardian of the Slampigs."
Also that chicken thing in the video you posted looked awful.
Sophie - some of the best eating are actually rodents. Squirrels and rabbits are great. -
2016-01-21 at 10 PM UTCThere... was no chicken in that video....
