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I think about killing myself a lot
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2016-02-13 at 6:49 PM UTC
You should kill yourself. You do know that your post discouraging my efforts on doing anything in my life worked. I've been sleeping for days. I was already in a depression and I don't need you telling me how bad my "not even music" is. You dick.
Oh easydoesit you're oplus? That explains alot. You really do love making me want to kill myself don't you?
Wow, you seriously need to grow up.
If you're going to be that much of a bitch as to threaten to kill yourself or get majorly depressed and "sleep for days" when some guy you don't even know tells you that your "music" sucked two weeks ago, then you've been pretty insulated from the world around you and are being a major pussy. If that's the worst thing that happens to me in two weeks I'm definitely having a great month. Besides, I thought you said you didn't care what anyone thought? Obviously you do if you're going to come on here and double post about how hurt you are by it.
I don't know how to tell you this, but most people aren't going to recognize what you do as music, and most people are definitely not going to give you the unconditional praise you crave since you spend most of your time sitting around in your house high as fuck and produce nothing worth envying. Sorry, but you don't get worship from people for no reason. You're not a special little snowflake. I'm not going to apologize for refusing to lie to you, and that doesn't make me "a dick." If you want support, go to your guidance counselor. You ought to feel stupid for coming on a website called niggasin.space and expecting support from people - especially when you've contributed absolutely nothing to this community in the 20+ years it's been around. If you want shallow worship from people, do something worth worshiping. Taking suboxone and making cringe-tier youtube videos about it is definitely not the way to go.
The fact that you're even scapegoating me is even more pathetic. I make you want to kill yourself? Really? Some random fucking internet guy that you didn't even know existed less than a month ago makes you want to kill yourself because he said you're music sucks? You need to talk to a fucking psychologist before you hurt yourself or somebody else because you obviously have very little perspective on how planet earth works.
Well here's the scoop bud: Get over yourself, grow up, and stop blaming other people for the fact that you're not the creative genius you make yourself out to be. Getting high all the time, mixing noises, and not being able to keep a beat on the drums isn't tasteful and most people aren't going to recognize it as art. You don't need to look any further than the literal hundreds of thousands of kids within your very city doing the same shit and thinking they're special.
Also, the point of making my thread wasn't to seek out emotional support. I made my thread and some people were nice enough to be supportive for whatever reason. I wasn't asking for it, nor did I expect it.
TL;DR - Go fuck yourself for being so spoiled and insulated from the world around you that you can't take random internet criticism and double-fuck-you for trying to make your complete lack of emotional stability and narcissistic need for praise and admiration about me. You don't make music, you make noises that nobody will even remember after you delete them. You're in for a big surprise when you face real world problems like paying bills and working for a living.
Now if you excuse me, I have to continue cleaning people's shit for $9 an hour so that I can afford my internet connection. Not all of us can sit on our ass in our parents' house high on drugs all day.
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2016-02-13 at 7:01 PM UTC
If you see conscious existence itself as the problem, then a permanent solution is exactly what you want. I was able to rationalize suicide via so many angles. The sense of self may be illusory, there are problems with the concept of the continuity of consciousness, which would imply that ultimately you may not be losing anything.
You're basically saying "suicide is a great idea if you don't want to live anymore", which is well, no shit Sherlock. You're technically correct but it's still useless and pedantic. In other news, driving is a great idea if you want to operate a car and shoveling is a great idea if you want to use an instrument to dig a hole in the ground.
In practical terms, most people contemplating suicide don't just want to not live anymore for the sake of not living anymore, there is some temporary problem that serves as the engine for that desire; financial woes, self image issues, depression and so on. At the end of the day, you're going to die anyway so I don't see the point of hastening that due to something as dumb as money or issues with self esteem.
You can launch yourself in any direction if you are willing to completely cut ties with everyone and everything that you love or that loves you. If you're willing to leave your house rent unlaid, leave your dog starving, leave your parents grieving... Then what's the difference to the rest of the world between jumping off a bridge, or just selling everything and running away to Tibet to live as a goat herder?
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2016-02-13 at 7:21 PM UTC
You're basically saying "suicide is a great idea if you don't want to live anymore", which is well, no shit Sherlock. You're technically correct but it's still useless and pedantic. In other news, driving is a great idea if you want to operate a car and shoveling is a great idea if you want to use an instrument to dig a hole in the ground.
In practical terms, most people contemplating suicide don't just want to not live anymore for the sake of not living anymore, there is some temporary problem that serves as the engine for that desire; financial woes, self image issues, depression and so on. At the end of the day, you're going to die anyway so I don't see the point of hastening that due to something as dumb as money or issues with self esteem.
You can launch yourself in any direction if you are willing to completely cut ties with everyone and everything that you love or that loves you. If you're willing to leave your house rent unlaid, leave your dog starving, leave your parents grieving… Then what's the difference to the rest of the world between jumping off a bridge, or just selling everything and running away to Tibet to live as a goat herder?
I think these are basically fair points.
The only thing I would say is that "running away" isn't a very viable option because your problems will follow you. Even if you went to a monastery in Asia Minor to live solely on alms as a monk, your greater issue of anxiety and unsatisfaction with life will follow you. In fact, even your debt will follow you.
I would have already sold everything I owned and started a new life somewhere else, but it sound better in theory than in practice. Namely, you have to have a support system waiting there to catch you when you jump, otherwise you're going to have all the same problems plus you'll be totally broke and homeless. -
2016-02-13 at 8:10 PM UTC
Wow, you seriously need to grow up.
If you're going to be that much of a bitch as to threaten to kill yourself or get majorly depressed and "sleep for days" when some guy you don't even know tells you that your "music" sucked two weeks ago, then you've been pretty insulated from the world around you and are being a major pussy. If that's the worst thing that happens to me in two weeks I'm definitely having a great month. Besides, I thought you said you didn't care what anyone thought? Obviously you do if you're going to come on here and double post about how hurt you are by it.
I don't know how to tell you this, but most people aren't going to recognize what you do as music, and most people are definitely not going to give you the unconditional praise you crave since you spend most of your time sitting around in your house high as fuck and produce nothing worth envying. Sorry, but you don't get worship from people for no reason. You're not a special little snowflake. I'm not going to apologize for refusing to lie to you, and that doesn't make me "a dick." If you want support, go to your guidance counselor. You ought to feel stupid for coming on a website called niggasin.space and expecting support from people - especially when you've contributed absolutely nothing to this community in the 20+ years it's been around. If you want shallow worship from people, do something worth worshiping. Taking suboxone and making cringe-tier youtube videos about it is definitely not the way to go.
The fact that you're even scapegoating me is even more pathetic. I make you want to kill yourself? Really? Some random fucking internet guy that you didn't even know existed less than a month ago makes you want to kill yourself because he said you're music sucks? You need to talk to a fucking psychologist before you hurt yourself or somebody else because you obviously have very little perspective on how planet earth works.
Well here's the scoop bud: Get over yourself, grow up, and stop blaming other people for the fact that you're not the creative genius you make yourself out to be. Getting high all the time, mixing noises, and not being able to keep a beat on the drums isn't tasteful and most people aren't going to recognize it as art. You don't need to look any further than the literal hundreds of thousands of kids within your very city doing the same shit and thinking they're special.
Also, the point of making my thread wasn't to seek out emotional support. I made my thread and some people were nice enough to be supportive for whatever reason. I wasn't asking for it, nor did I expect it.
TL;DR - Go fuck yourself for being so spoiled and insulated from the world around you that you can't take random internet criticism and double-fuck-you for trying to make your complete lack of emotional stability and narcissistic need for praise and admiration about me. You don't make music, you make noises that nobody will even remember after you delete them. You're in for a big surprise when you face real world problems like paying bills and working for a living.
Now if you excuse me, I have to continue cleaning people's shit for $9 an hour so that I can afford my internet connection. Not all of us can sit on our ass in our parents' house high on drugs all day.
Since you don't know shit about me
I have a job. I make less than you do an hour. Minimum wage in NJ sucks. Stocking groceries sucks too.
I was already in a state of depression but you have no reason to take the piss out on me for no reason. Nice insulting my MUSIC by saying its noises. I could show you my best work, not all of my MUSIC is good but the shit that is good is good enough to actually have a fanbase.
Also I come to niggasin.space
to converse with the community. I haven't gotten coddled here like you think my mindset is, but shits good until you fucking show up -
2016-02-13 at 9:23 PM UTC
I think these are basically fair points.
I'm not saying you have to run away, just that if suicide is an option, then so are a fucking massive number of other things, including but not limited to running away.
The only thing I would say is that "running away" isn't a very viable option because your problems will follow you. Even if you went to a monastery in Asia Minor to live solely on alms as a monk, your greater issue of anxiety and unsatisfaction with life will follow you. In fact, even your debt will follow you.
I would have already sold everything I owned and started a new life somewhere else, but it sound better in theory than in practice. Namely, you have to have a support system waiting there to catch you when you jump, otherwise you're going to have all the same problems plus you'll be totally broke and homeless.
When I was deployed in Burma with the Somerset Light Infantry, I came into bad gambling debt with a man named Bakchoi Kyarr-Pout, who was basically in command of all major criminal operations run by the Myasai Nagarr syndicate roughly within the area presently known as Tanintharyi Region. Our division had to deal with him for logistical reasons and he could basically waltz into our camp as a result, to make sure that we remembered that we were still there under his blessing. Marshall Reigan, a superior officer from the next platoon had gone missing one day under similar conditions as the one I was in, and all that our high command told us was to deal with it because we could not afford to run the wrong way on Bakchoi's blade.
Being a mere infantryman I did not have anywhere near the resources to pay back Bakchoi, and the reality was that he did not need my money more than he wanted the pleasure of skinning a sepoy in front of his men. My options were to magically conjure 48,000 kyat from nowhere, kill myself, or let them torture me. Or so one would think. Nobody found out, but what I did obliterated our unit's position in Burma and caused a huge logistical nightmare for our high command to deal with. But Bakchoi's ankles washed up on a nearby paddy one flood season, tied together by chicken wire, and the rest of him floated inside a local farmer's pigs.
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2016-02-13 at 10:17 PM UTCDO NOT KILL YOURSELF I WILL MISS YOU OP
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2016-02-13 at 10:33 PM UTC
Your response to that is much healthier than saying "OW" or cursing like you just stubbed your toe… which is what I do.
or burning yourself with a lighter lol -
2016-02-13 at 10:36 PM UTC
Suicide is a permanent non-solution to an almost certainly temporary problem. You might as well just hit the rails if you're going to kill yourself. A man who is not afraid of dying (or fears dying less than failing) is the ultimate weapon and can accomplish literally anything.
Let's for example say that a loan shark is going to break your knees… Option A is to kill yourself, option B is to do literally anything else, like bailing and starting a new life off the grid as a hobo. Worst case scenario on "anything else" is that you die, in which case that's what you were going to do anyway, right?
Another piece of advice I can give is to become another mother fucker. Being EasyDoesIt isn't working out for you? Grow a beard, hit the gym, wear cool clothes and become Joe Explosionson. Do a different thing for a few months and see how that works out for you.
Tl;Dr don't be a bitch and kill yourself.
lol grow a beard, you give out some really half assed advice. -
2016-02-13 at 11:09 PM UTC
lol grow a beard, you give out some really half assed advice.
You can also shave your beard. This suggestion now makes my advice full-assed. QED.
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2016-02-13 at 11:29 PM UTCno just no...
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2016-02-14 at 12:05 AM UTC
no just no…
You're too cute, bro, being mad doesn't suit you. -
2016-02-14 at 1:34 AM UTC
. A large part of my issues are financial (this isn't a guilt trip). We just don't have any money, the economy in the US is awful, and nobody gets ahead. Like President Obama said, "just getting by" is the new American Dream. The reason that I bring this up is basically for past three years I've been trying to figure out a way to make more than $14,000 a year so that I can take steps in the right direction. For the first two years after graduation I was applying to over 100 jobs a month in all sorts of skill levels. Nothing led anywhere, and it reached a point where I stopped trying. I recently started trying again.
Even so, I still have prospects and I'm hopeful, but it's just an awful feeling. I feel like a waste. It's not uncommon for twenty-somethings to go through a "quarter life crisis" anymore.Also, like I seem to have to constantly remind you, I have a degree in psychology. As in, I paid a shit ton of money to have the instruction and guidance of professionals in the field with first hand sources and produced research in laboratory with full course load for four years. I also had honors.
Well there's your problem. What the hell were you thinking? It's one of the most popular majors, has one of the lowest average incomes, highest unemployment rates, and one of the worst gender rations (around 75% female IIRC). What did you expect? If you want a good career in your field you literally need at least 3 degrees, or some sort of certification after you receive your bachelor's, I'm not familiar with your field and the licensing process.
You really aren't in a position to be reprimanding others for their intelligence, choices in life, and the work they do. And if this is how you react to a teenager online (I'm referring to your conversation with Dissociator) who tells you you've hurt their feelings and caused a temporary depressive episode for deriding their passion, are you really the kind of person that should be in this field? No wonder no one wants to hire you. What kind of psychologist would someone like you be? -
2016-02-14 at 1:41 AM UTC
For a lot of years I had this thing where I'd remember some awkward and embarrassing or guilty moment in my past and just feel terrible about it, which is fairly standard I think, we all cringe at our younger selves a bit, but I developed the habit of responding to memories like that by imagining myself dying. Like I'd be walking along, remember that time I lied about watching whatever TV show my 10 year old friends were talking about and got caught, and in response picture the nearest person to me pulling out a gun and shooting me in the head. Or I'd think about jumping out in front of a car or something. That's kind of a mild example of social embarrassment but it was one of a handful of things that really bugged me for whatever reason, a couple of them actually being pretty grim. I think the logic behind it was that creating as immediate of a fear of death as possible would be enough to trigger some part of the fight/flight response and I'd be able to forget whatever I had just thought, which sounds kinda similar to what you're talking about. I did this from grade school until I was like 21.
Eventually it occurred to me (during a trip actually) that that seemed really unhealthy. I made a concerted effort, when I remembered something awkward/painful like that, to engage with the memory and be like "yeah, I did that, I'm responsible for that, but I can't change it". It was actually a pretty hard habit to break because it required I acknowledge something I really didn't want to but I found that as I did so those moments of shame or embarrassment stopped being a cause for anxiety. The stupid things I can laugh about now and the worse ones I still regret but at least I can admit to.
I don't know if any of that is relevant to you, but I think if it is then you're better off engaging with the awful things you're afraid of, even if that's painful to do so, than to be like "well if that happens I'm calling it quits". The stoics had some interesting ideas around preparing yourself for the worst. I think it was Epictetus in particular who advocated always contemplating the worse possible outcomes to a situation so that if it is realized it will be defanged, he thought that our emotional states are fundamentally self-determined and if we refuse, in advance of an outcome, declare ourselves destroyed or crushed by a particular turn of events, then such an outcome won't have power over how we feel. I'm not sure doting on the worst is always the answer but if we place anything as outside the real of "I can deal with that", if we refuse to even contemplate some things, then all we're doing is building it up as the thing that will be our undoing when there's no necessary reason to.
this used to happen to me, except it would usually be knives and needles filled with drugs. it was pretty weird when i realized it was happening -
2016-02-14 at 1:45 AM UTCThat feel when you can't die
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2016-02-14 at 2:50 PM UTC
Since you don't know shit about me
I have a job. I make less than you do an hour. Minimum wage in NJ sucks. Stocking groceries sucks too.
I was already in a state of depression but you have no reason to take the piss out on me for no reason. Nice insulting my MUSIC by saying its noises. I could show you my best work, not all of my MUSIC is good but the shit that is good is good enough to actually have a fanbase.
Also I come to niggasin.space
to converse with the community. I haven't gotten coddled here like you think my mindset is, but shits good until you fucking show up
So fucking butt hurt.
Some guy you never met doesn't like your music. Get over it.
Stop creating this victim narrative in your mind that I stormed into your house and ruined your life.
Also, you're like a 17 year old kid. Stop acting like making minimum wage when you have no or real responsibilities or debt is the same shit as doing so when you have several advanced degrees. -
2016-02-14 at 3:21 PM UTC
I feel like I've lived a wicked and disgusting life
GOOD!!
It means you're ACTUALLY living!
Stop using a bunch of retard's retarded rules, as a base for your life's doings.
I cannot picture my life being "plain and normal". ...Ugh... Just thinking about being "normal" disgusts the shit out of me. -
2016-02-14 at 4:22 PM UTC
GOOD!!
It means you're ACTUALLY living!
Stop using a bunch of retard's retarded rules, as a base for your life's doings.
I cannot picture my life being "plain and normal". …Ugh… Just thinking about being "normal" disgusts the shit out of me.
I feel guilty about it.
But then sometimes I think of you guys - NSA, Sharpie, Psycho, Lanny, and all the other guys on this site who live relatively well adjusted, successful lives yet are anything but "normal." It makes me wonder.
Maybe that's why we all keep coming back here. -
2016-02-14 at 6:10 PM UTC
DO NOT KILL YOURSELF I WILL MISS YOU OP
Seconded. -
2016-02-15 at 4:53 AM UTC
Seconded.
I'm going to miss you if you OD on drugs. -
2016-02-15 at 5 AM UTCOP is a pussy faggot who just wants attention and isn't going to do it, please move to /r/suicidewatch
