2015-07-26 at 7:30 AM UTC
Things have been getting worse in a way. I smoke spice for 4 hours a day by trading my abilifys and seroquels for it which the guy snorts, been binging on zoloft, snorting addies. My parents are making sure that I never have cash again because they're sick of my bullshit. Yesterday I just slept all day long because I was getting enraged about ashley liking occasional violent videos on youtube. Like what the fuck girl you're 13 are you just the antichrist and you made a sucker out of me maybe you're just pure evil. I wonder if she ever cared about me at all. I don't have anyone to reach out to, and I feel like things are getting worse because I continually ostracize myself from potential friends. I just need a GF already and I think I'll be able to get one soon because this girl Emma at the church drama production is getting sort of interested in me. I always seem to attract the same sorts of people though and I can never tell if they're threats to my being. This girl Emma is just like classic schizoid personality disorder anime watching weaboo who's somewhat flat and androgynous but she likes to help people out, she's pretty, and she's nice. I think I've been hurt by women way too many times in the past. Nobody loves you like they say they do, or nobody loves, one or the other. I used to be able to do a ton of reading on different subjects and develop new theories but recently I havent been doing much except polysubstance abuse. I need to find a new interest to perk me up, like math of some form. I'm done with my IQ testing website officially because I have enough tests but it's like a massive savant skill gone to waste. Scoring the answers is fun but I think I'll have to design a new sort of test to be innovative, or rather, turn it into a puzzle-like computer game with some sort of theme and story, or they could be like dungeon puzzles in RPGs. But anyways, I guess by the predetermined laws of attraction I'm of course going to find girls who mimic me in certain ways. Skyler was glib, abused, and a fledgling alcoholic, Mellissa was a psychopath, Ashley was cold and a total loner. I wish I could live in a reality where I'm the decent guy and I meet decent people who don't make me have to reconsider my (lack of) morals. My life is in a continuous, lazy fog of boredom and anger. I take those things to heart....bitch why would you walk away from me when I wanted to give you a hug and you looked at me evilly huh?? Also, I probably need to get my ego in check because I'm obsessed about what my actual worth to the world is. Am I attractive? Am I ugly? What is my actual IQ? I use that as a defense mechanism so that when someone hurts me I can just remember that I'm superior to them. People are just full of shit in general, that's my opinion. Everyone's out to harm you and nothing is to be taken at face value, and whenever I let my guard down, something happens to make me put it back up, because it seems sadism is inherent in every human no matter how pure they seem. Are there people on this earth who don't secretly get some sort of pleasure from inflicting harm, whether it is in the real world or a virtual world, I do not know. And it's like a tunnel, you can go deeper and deeper and see how sick someone's inherent nature is, but then when you combine it with the positive things they do...are they okay in actuality? Human morality is so complex and subjective I guess we just have to go off gut feelings and value judgements.
2015-07-26 at 7:39 AM UTC
bitch why would you walk away from me when I wanted to give you a hug and you looked at me evilly huh??
Girls will never do what you want them to do, they do their own thing, and think of themselves first. The only way to get them to do whatever you want them to do, is to drill a hole in their heads and use tweezers to manipulate the parts of their brain that make them love you. That is the secret to finding true love.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2015-07-26 at 7:54 AM UTC
Why the hell am I a hopeless romantic out of all people
2015-07-26 at 5:21 PM UTC
Hey sploo, kill yourself.
