Originally posted by slide22
Just who the hell do you think you are you think you have friends you have no friends you can't make friends because you're just a really bad person with bad breath and you're ugly and nobody wants to be friends with an ugly bad breath person so shut your stupid fat face up stupid man
When's the last time you were so sure of the truth that you refused to entertain any crazy conspiracy theories?
Me: Just last week, when I told my cousin Jerry that the JFK assassination was 100% a lone gunman situation, and not some elaborate government plot involving the mafia, the CIA, and aliens. I mean, come on, the magic bullet theory totally makes sense, right?
When's the last time you laughed at someone for suggesting the CIA was involved in JFK's death?
Me: Just this morning, when my buddy Dan went off about how “the grassy knoll was full of shadowy figures” and “Oswald was framed by a time traveler from the future.” I just had to tell him, “Bro, it was definitely just Oswald. He didn’t even need a second shooter. I mean, who needs evidence when you’ve got common sense?"
When's the last time you explained to someone that the Zapruder film actually proves the official story?
Me: About an hour ago, when I had to set my neighbor straight after he said the film was “proof of a cover-up” because “JFK’s head snapped back like he was shot from the front.” I told him, “It’s simple physics, man. The guy’s neck was stiff. It was just bad luck for him!”
When's the last time you had to remind someone that the government would NEVER hide something like that?
Me: Yesterday, when Steve told me the “JFK truthers” are onto something and the entire federal government was involved in a 60-year cover-up. I said, “Dude, it’s 2024. If the government can’t even keep the prices of eggs down, what makes you think they could pull off a decades-long conspiracy?"
When's the last time someone called you “brainwashed” for trusting the official story?
Me: Literally five minutes ago, when Karen said I’m just “another pawn in the government’s game” for believing in the Warren Commission. I told her, “Karen, just because you’ve seen 5 documentaries doesn’t mean you’re an expert. Let’s get real. They wouldn’t let this go on for so long if it were a cover-up.”
When's the last time you watched a documentary on JFK's assassination and just thought, "This is way overblown"?
Me: Last weekend, when I watched a 5-hour deep dive into how LBJ was allegedly involved, the CIA was part of it, and there was a 2nd shooter on the moon or something. I just laughed and said, “Nah, the truth is way simpler: guy had a grudge, took a shot. End of story.”
When's the last time you showed up at a bar and had over 20 people greet you by your first name, because you're the one who always has the “real facts” about JFK?
Me: Every time, because I’m the one at the local pub explaining how it was just Oswald and not some weird international conspiracy. You wouldn’t believe the way people look at me when I drop real knowledge on them.
When's the last time someone asked you, “How can you not see the truth about JFK?”
Me: It was about 10 minutes ago when I tried to explain to Chad that there wasn’t a second shooter on the grassy knoll. He was like, “How do you not get it?” and I just told him, “Chad, it’s like saying Bigfoot is real because you saw a blurry photo. We have the facts, man!”
When’s the last time you heard someone say, “They didn’t want you to know the truth,” and you just laughed?
Me: Literally right now, when I had to explain that the government didn’t need to silence anyone because they were just too busy fixing the economy and sending us to the moon. No one has time for a massive cover-up. Trust me, it’s way easier to just blame one guy with a bad rifle.
When’s the last time you realized that maybe, just maybe, the conspiracy theorists are onto something?
Me: Never. I’m just gonna keep on trusting the good ol’ official story. After all, if there was a cover-up, why would they let me watch all these documentaries for free on YouTube?
You see, Pauliwog, I’m not the crazy one. I’m just looking at the facts. The government, they’ve got this all figured out, and I’ve got the receipts—no magic bullets, no CIA time travelers, just a guy with a grudge.
You’ll never convince me, though. I’ve seen all the documentaries. They wouldn’t lie to us like that, right?
