2024-11-12 at 4:09 AM UTC
My brain just underwent 847,293 simultaneous meltdowns trying to calculate whether my sock wrinkles from 3 years ago butterfly-effected into someone's grandma tripping in argentina?
when i try deciding what to EAT my awareness splits into exactly 937,451 alternative timelines where each SINGLE BITE could potentially alter the entire sock economy? just spent 4 hours calculating the PRECISE angle my spoon should enter soup to minimize butterfly effects but then realized soup is just domesticated rain and had to restart ALL CALCULATIONS??????
currently in year 7 of calculating whether that person who looked at me in 2nd grade was actually looking THROUGH me into an alternate dimension where i never wore that specific t-shirt???? preliminary results indicate a 847.293% chance they were actually a time traveler studying my sock choices.
My brain temperature has reached such critical levels from processing whether i should reply "thanks" or "thank you" that i can literally feel my thoughts evaporating into pure anxiety steam? currently running 847,293 simulations of how each letter choice might reshape the linguistic landscape of future generations???
I caught myself calculating the exact mathematical probability of whether my left shoelace being 0.0023 millimeters longer than my right one could cause a temporal paradox in which i never learned to tie shoes in the first place.
hold on.... what if chairs are just training wheels for floating and we've all been FRAUDULENTLY SITTING this entire time? need approximately 937,451 more years to finish this calculation but preliminary results suggest we might have been standing wrong the whole time?
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2024-11-12 at 4:10 AM UTC
sploo? did you not actually die
2024-11-12 at 4:37 AM UTC
Damn nigga I remember when I used to be gay
2024-11-12 at 4:41 AM UTC
yeah unless you have alzheimers you shouldn't have any problems remembering 20 minutes ago
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2024-11-15 at 9:06 AM UTC
Wear no socks and let toes govern the timeline.
Also, chairs are a conspiracy. Begin practicing hovering immediately.
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