breaking news wow
Dear Paige,
Aren't parents manipulative? Its total ignorance when parents step in to try to change their child's environment. Make them go to youth group + force christian trends in thier life because the old ones were a 'bad' influence. I can't fucking stand that shit. Parents actually believe religion can change nature. That could explain why I don't practice religion anymore. Let kids think for themselves, listening to partents does no damned good but to mold thier premature minds into a pre-formated program: like clones do? the very manipulative forms teens hate. And rebel to?
Kids are not robots,
we are the future! That's how its ment 2 be
2 idea one mind; thats all Nature needs
You did life the way YOU wanted to. It was 100% your hearts desire; (needs), no one else but you, that planned it!
Why I admire you; so independant
Shape change = manipulative
so young
me, young too
and what I desire;
to die + be with you
My ultimate plan,
thought from no one else but me
I am who I am
You are who we are
NATURE is pure in its raw form
My Imaginary Penis
3/11/23
My penis exists in my head. I swear to god Im a male. I think about sexual fantasies, about how if my dick was real I'd fuck the girl I love in the ass. I want to know what thats like, but I never will because I was damned to be born this way. I swear to fuck I hate it goddamned so (illegible). Its a fucking curse. Having a brain like mine has its godliness but also prone to making poor ass decisions. Like putting my Aiden name while filling out paperwork for instacart, + now my BG check didn't clear + Im possibly not going to get the job. Fuck me, man. Mom just says Im young and young people make mimstakes. But with me, its painfully more than that with being autistic and waste time all the time; myself, people, Death itself. And the biggest shit; the torchure of being raised a girl, and actually believed I just had to deal with it, and tried to be femenine. But that didn't last long after high school ended + no longer had to fear of being called a dyke or a faggot. It was only until my early 20's I finally found the answer - that changing ones gender is possible. And who I really was I finally embraced w/o shame. But oh fucking no, not w/ my mother.
What she believes, how she grew up conservativly, and that LGBTQ - especially transgender in her era was an enigma, an illness or nearly non-existent. I might have told her once in childhood I wish I was a boy when she made me put my shirt back on as a kid. But would say 'Your a girl, and thats how god made me; you were born some kind of bullshit like that. It made me mad. Because being a boy as a kid was when I was felt most like myself. A bare, flat chest made me free. Girl puberty inprisoned me. And so does my mind. Puberty = Life sentence
The people in this world adds more bullets to shoot violent thoughts into my head full-on auto. I hate parental views; now my mom sees me as a daughter - and she'd not bear to want to loose that daughter because a son would be the death of Audrey.
Pain of loosing a daughter? Thats not pain, thats selfishness. Just like any rest of th eparents with that mindset. They are all full of shit. How could they not ever think of thier own child suffering, and that they hate their gender so bad they cut + want to kill themselves? Fuck parents like them who think of themselves first, and thier preference of conservative religion - gay shit makes them believe that the child they are given should stay that way in how they prefer them to be out of fear or (illegible).
Even if transgender treatment was discovered and tested during my time, I know how the situation would have turned out. My mother would not have payed a cent. Children who were able to successfully take puberty blockers and never enter a torchured puberty, those little faggots don't know how good they fucking have it. I'd kill to have parents who would let thier child be happy no matter how different it is to thier viewpoints or don't agree, or scared of it. They are willin gto listen to their children, not the other way around. Id kill to have had those resources; 2007 was the birth of puberty blockers and a newfound discovery for treatment of non-conforming transgender children. 2007 was when I was when I was in the 6th grade. Puberty already hit me. The only reason I could conclude why it didn't bother me too much is that my boobs were small. I though they'd stay that way forever. My autistic brain change in body fucked me over now, even if my boobs are still small for the most part.
It started w/ getting new underwear for my big bears (my two tabbies, my lion + frog) And there I was thinking of porn and doing plastic surgery on my boy stuffed animals when I got home giving them penises b/c thier middle in section looked like a vagina + the underwear was (illegible) too big. Why not give volume with (illegible illegible illegible my god). No boy should ever have that. If I cant change my appearence, I can pretend how it would be by my imagination of childs play through my stuffed animal's spirits through me.
Toy Sex (My Imaginary Penis.)
3/11/23
I can pretend to be them + do the things boys do + experience w/ thier dicks. My boy self as tony - my stuffed boy doll is like the boy I am in another form since childhood. I constructed for him a penis, then got out my girl doll named Ashley (who is tonys life-long boyfriend) to have sex w/ tony. Ashley was represented as any dream girl I wished to have in real life as a child (I liked blonde white hot girls back then), and tony is me; having those intimate relationships w/ a beautiful girl. Tony is a boy: inside and out. Ashley is a girl inside and out. Two straight lovers who are in full nature of themselves by awareness. I let Tony fuck Ashley in the ass hard-humping and stuffed Tony's big penis in aggressivly into her asshole. It took several attempts for Tony to put his dick into her vigina because he has a big dick (and was even bigger since had had an erection) finally went in and Ashley cried and moaned for a good ten minutes. Tony humped slow and gentle from viginal sex. In but sex, he humped speedly and hard, tony grunting w/ all his strength. Then after I fucked Ashley for a good ten minutes (remember Tony is me).
Then I let her suck his dick and touch his erected penis. After that they wrapped each other in thier arms + legs as a sloth hugging a tree. After love they made, gracefully sat side by side naked holding hands, surrounded by the scattering of thier clothes. I took pictures of thier sex positions.
My imaginary penis was hard for hours. Rock hard as a flintstone. Hours making cloth penises for my boy bears, only to realize I missed the gym cause they closed at 7. I was mad already cause I had no work all that afternoon. Walked around the mall browsing t-shirts at Spencers and got some boots for tommy, my stuffed lion At build-A-Bear workshop. I purchased some stickers at Zummies for my car and one sticker I got - A stripper booty illustration w 'Dat Ass' on it. God, I am such a pervert. I waste too much time in my fantasies...
